In this entry, Rose, a “conservative lesbian,” responds to the charge in the previous post that she is self-glorifying and guilty of idealizing woman love. Among her most interesting comments is this: “Eccentrics need a stable society in which to be eccentrics.”

Rose writes, initially quoting the female commenter Kidist Asrat Paulos:

“In a way, she is saying that there is no non-romantic, Platonic (or otherwise) relationship possible between women. She doesn’t say this explicitly, but I have a feeling she believes this.”

I, in fact, do not believe this, and rather agree with what Heather Elizabeth Peterson writes in “Romantic Friendship: Not Just a Code Word for Gay” and “The Misguided Search for ‘Homoeroticism’ A Plea for Research on Friendship.” As you’ve stated, the sexualization of our culture has helped destroy the possibility of nonsexual closeness. A modern Wordsworth would hide the extent of his love for his sister for fear of accusations (as I have read about William and Dorothy) that his regard was incestuous.

Laura said:

“Rose says she is lesbian because she cannot find the ideal Platonic friendship with a woman. I’m not sure this tells the full story given the unhappiness of her childhood and I agree with you that it is not impossible to find these friendships. I sensed an unfulfilled desire for intimacy and an overly aesthetic approach to love. Does this aestheticism qualify as ‘following her bliss?’ Perhaps. But, it seems a pained bliss.”

I do not know if the absence of close friendship in our culture is the cause of my lesbianism (or whether my negligent father is responsible.) I merely suggest the possibility that if there were more chaste outlets for female intimacy I might have pursued them instead. (The expression ‘follow your bliss’ I have borrowed from the silly, silly man Joseph Campbell.) Peterson writes:

“A look at historical literature will turn up plenty of tales in which two friends send each other love letters, kiss each other on the lips, and cuddle together. Other activities, such as sleeping together or professing undying love, are also common.”

I have some relatively close heterosexual friends but I doubt any of them would be comfortable engaging in most of the above activities with me or any other female friend (or family member, male or female) because they consider such things expressions of sexual desire. In the modern world, if one seeks profound love and intimacy sex is compulsory, and I am sure that at least some people pursue sexual intimacy with those of their own gender as a substitute for nonsexual. Coitus is the punishment for the happiness of being together, as Franz Kafka says. I reiterate that this is speculation and, for myself at least, there are other factors at play, one illustrated by this exchange from the sitcom Seinfeld:

    Jerry: “Well, I was walking around naked in front of Melissa the other day–”
    Elaine: “Whoa! Walking around naked? Ahh… that is not a good look for a man.”
    George: “Why not? It’s a good look for a woman.”
    Elaine: “Well, the female body is a… work of art. The male body is utilitarian, it’s for         gettin’ around, like a jeep.”
    Jerry: “So you don’t think it’s attractive?”
    Elaine: “It’s hideous. The hair, the… the lumpiness. It’s simian.”
    George: “Well, some women like it.”
    Elaine: “Hmm. Sickies.”

We can also look to the fourth book of John Milton’s “Paradise Lost,” in which Eve recalls awakening for the first time and spying her reflection in a lake:
   
    “As I bent down to look, just opposite   
    A Shape within the watery gleam appeared,   
    Bending to look on me. I started back,   
    It started back; but pleased I soon returned   
    Pleased it returned as soon with answering looks   
    Of sympathy and love. There I had fixed
    Mine eyes till now, and pined with vain desire,   
    Had not a voice thus warned me: ‘What thou seest,   
    What there thou seest, fair creature, is thyself…'”

The voice of God tells her about Adam and bids her to follow him, but upon discovering her husband she finds him less beautiful than she and begins to leave.

    “What could I do,
    But follow straight, invisibly thus led?   
    Till I espied thee, fair, indeed, and tall,   
    Under a platan; yet methought less fair,   
    Less winning soft, less amiably mild,   
    That that smooth watery image. Back I turned…”

Adam, however convinces her to remain with him.

    “With that thy gentle hand   
    Seized mine: I yielded, and from that time see   
    How beauty is excelled by manly grace
    And wisdom, which alone is truly fair.”

Eve does not in fact come to think that man is fairer than woman, merely that masculine virtue is of more importance than beauty. It also suggests that narcissistic womankind naturally prefers herself until she learns to value higher things (and I have not learned yet.) Whatever the case, I deplore the promotion of lesbianism. I believe that traditional marriage is a beautiful and necessary thing, and admire those who help uphold Western society. Eccentrics need a stable society in which to be eccentrics.

Rose adds:

I didn’t mean for my comments to come off as a justification of anything, just an explanation of my choices because the Housewife was curious about the rise of lesbianism and I have “inside information” so to speak. I assure [Kidist] I have nothing but contempt for the “But I was born that way!” crowd. (Here is an interesting site on the subject.)

A male reader writes:

As someone who has spent many hours in male locker rooms, I wholeheartedly endorse Rose’s sentiments about the masculine physique. I am, by the way, a male lesbian.

Kidist writes:

I really don’t mean to start a whole, stretched-out argument here, but I will just respond to a few points. Thanks for taking my comments seriously.

Rose writes:

“I merely suggest the possibility that if there were more chaste outlets for female intimacy, I might have pursued them instead.”
Sorry, but I think this is another clever manipulation of words. I agree that this society is antagonistic toward female-female and male-male friendship. But, it also seems to me (as I discussed in my previous post) that women are looking for a different kind of friendship, which Laura herself has identified as a “craving for intimacy.” A more internalized, self-serving friendship. But, why this type of “friendship”? Perhaps the answer lies in what modern women find important – self satisfaction vs. living in a society which makes demands on us to sacrifice that very “glorification of the self.”

Secondly, Rose writes extensively about the beauty of the female body. Didn’t the Greeks idolize the male body? And how does she know what heterosexual women idolize, since her thinking is focused on her lesbianism? Elaine’s hostility towards the male body notwithstanding, I will wager that the majority of heterosexual women do find the male body extremely attractive. Elaine’s answer actually sounds like a typical male-hostile response which our society has now become famous for.

Also, doesn’t Rose realize that the Milton verses she quotes on Eve’s enchantment with her own body was written by a man? Which goes back to my original point that it is normal for men to idolize women’s bodies, and for women, quietly, since they have not the huge repertoire of public confessions via poetry and art that men have, to idolize men’s.

Laura replies:

I don’t think a comic sketch would appear on TV today that took pot-shots at the female form, which has its own shortcomings, Lean Cuisine or no.

I can neither condemn nor support Rose’s lesbianism. She upholds traditional marriage and the norm of heterosexuality. She is not recommending her way of life to others. She has explained her desires and dilemma. They seem quixotic, which is to say irrational and idealistic.

 The reason for the unreason to which my reason turns so weakens my reason that with reason I complain of thy beauty.

So wrote Feliciano da Silva, the chivalrous author who drove Don Quixote of La Mancha mad with his exemplary letters of love. Don Quixote was a fool. The heart is wayward and guilty. Sometimes the most we can ask is that it destroy only itself.

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