Hannon writes:

Thank you for the excellent entry [on female sexuality.] I would like your thoughts on one aspect of this subject, which you allude to here:

“They simply do not know what lies behind the glowing facade of young women. Women are weak and impressionable. The fun times are momentary. Simple happiness of the sort that was common for women just 50 years ago eludes them.”

I believe very few men are disposed to “know” the hearts of women, or visa-versa. That is how things should be and ever have been I suppose, though we try to decipher the signs as a matter of habit. One sign or symptom that I have always found frustrating is the posturing young women often engage in that can be described as sullen, even seemingly contemptuous at times. This often strikes me as a terrible poison in the system, a trait that would be absent in a more healthy society. It seems to be most elaborated in the more intense urban environments and its expression is more acute as one moves up the scale of generally recognized beauty, facial beauty in particular. I have seen the same effects in urban centres in Southeast Asia and Latin America, where vanity is just as in vogue as anyplace in the West.

This characterization singles out a particular group of women who by definition, by birthright, transcend class or other traditional social markers. This may be an unfair singling out in some ways, but I believe that physical appearance is of enduring significance in the lives of all modern ‘liberated’ women and that its impact on both sexes is both under-appreciated and profound.

This outwardly haughty attitude may be perfectly natural in its basis, a way of automatically repelling “beta males” and attracting “alpha males” who are encouraged, not intimidated, by such tactics. I suspect it also has much to do with competition among women, another realm of mystery for men.

Still, it is disturbing to witness a seeming preponderance of females who adopt a negative protective exterior– have they retained their femininity beneath it? Is it a cover-up to hide their “weak and impressionable” selves? My cynical side suspects that such women may believe that their physical appearance is their cardinal asset, and they must guard it carefully. It is their one shot at happiness and a secure future.

Yet there are other, perhaps more effective ways in which more mature young women protect themselves in the modern “marketplace”. They employ (deploy?) sincere dignity and charm and at the same time let all comers know that their sense of self is strong enough to deflect unwanted attention. Women in American movies from the  1940s and 1950s often exhibited this approach well. As I believe you have written elsewhere, girls simply don’t get the proper training these days.

As for solutions to destructive trends, maintaining our families and ourselves is about all most of us can do. This will have a greater effect on the outer world than we can ever know.

Laura writes:

Women believe the world wants them tough and brittle. They think that’s what men want and that’s what’s necessary. Vulnerability is wrong, a betrayal of their sex. They are also constantly worked up into a state of anxiety about money and jobs. They are often unable to deflect the bad news that regularly pours forth from the media in a conscious effort to scare them.

This toughness is much more common in urban areas, as you mentioned. If you go into smaller towns and cities, there are many more women who exude warmth and sweetness. Looking at the faces of the women in the U.S. Open Tennis Tournament, I was amazed at how many of them exhibited not the slightest charm or humor. Women work hard to hide their weak and impressionable selves. Those haughty facial expressions are comparable to the clothes they wear today, the gray and muddy-colored uniforms of modernity that exude so little frivolity or gaiety.

Possibly you just notice this expression in attractive women more. I don’t think they consciously use it to repel advances. Many attractive women are vain and yet focused on the shortcomings in their appearance. I think the expression is more often the reflection of genuine unhappiness or anxiety.

I know one extremely beautiful woman who wore a cold and hostile expression throughout her twenties. She was an urban professional and had fantastic clothes. In her early thirties, she got married after several years of intense worry that she never would find anyone. Soon after she had two children. The transformation was remarkable. She was still extremely beautiful, but her face became an ever-changing portrait of her emotions instead of hard as stone. She now always seems to be expressing some pronounced emotion. She tears up at the mention of some calamity involving a stranger. “How awful!” she says. “Oh, I can’t imagine how awful that would be.” She often smiles lovingly and tells friends and family she loves them. She is extremely kind, in ways I could never have imagined back in her younger years.

I cannot imagine how much effort it must have taken all those years for her to suppress this side of herself. Clearly she had been unhappy. As beautiful as she was, she felt unloved. I think women are most suited to a world of personal associations rather than the bleak, shapeless anonymity of the city or of large corporate organizations. They often find their niches in these places, but they need to wage this successful war against the impersonal to survive. When impersonal forces take over their lives, they look tough, mean and unhappy.

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