Rita writes:

I’m a little hurt. I have an underactive thyroid (probably because my mother insisted on feeding me milk, which I was allergic to) ….do I get off a little easier? You sound a teensy bit mean in Fat and Unhappy and Obesity in America.

If you have any suggestions for someone who can eat “perfectly” and still only lose 1 pound per month, I’m all ears.

Laura writes:

I can understand that. Of course, I wasn’t talking about people who are simply overweight, but those who are obese. But, even some obese people can’t do much about it and that’s hard.

Obviously, there will always be people who are overweight due to medical conditions and there will always be heavy people who because of the care they take with their appearance are physically attractive. My mother has been significantly overweight since she was a child and yet she has generally been considered beautiful. But, what we’re seeing is millions of people who don’t have thyroid conditions or congenital problems gaining so much weight that they are obese. 

For the sake of people like you, who truly are the victims of medical conditions, should we refrain from criticizing those who can help it? That might be better for you and others like you, but what about them? 

What we’re talking about is societal standards. These kinds of things don’t apply in the same way in friendship and in intimate circles where appearance becomes secondary to other qualities. Personally, when I am one-on-one with others, I don’t particularly care how heavy a person is unless someone is so obese they cannot move well. I don’t like it when people make pointed comments about the weight of specific individuals. I find that offensive and rude. Nevertheless, that’s inevitable in a world that disparages heaviness and probably does make people work harder at staying thin. 

There are things a heavy person can do to improve his appearance. But many obese people today seem to have completely let themselves go and to not even try. Obese women are wearing jeans. Men with enormous guts walk around in thin T-shirts.

A person who takes pride in his appearance, whether he is fat or thin, usually is attractive in some way to others. If  it was all about aesthetics, this wouldn’t be such a grave matter. We’re talking about a life-shortening disorder that causes pain and suffering. As I said earlier, the level of physical disability experienced by fat people today is overwhelming.

Rita responds:

I respect your writing (and therefore you) very much. That’s why it hurt more to hear the “fat hate” from you than it would from others.

In fairness, I probably don’t have a full understanding of the immensity of the problem since I live in one of those affluent areas you mentioned where almost everyone is slim.

Also in fairness, I didn’t mind you calling other women sluts (because I’m not one), but got sensitive when the topic hit closer to home.

As far as helping people with obesity, I agree that eating more whole and natural foods would alleviate much of the problem but how would a single mother, working at a retail job, on her feet all day, making $9.00/hr, find the energy OR the money, to cut up vegetables, and cook from scratch every night for her family? I understand your point, but there are perhaps hundred of thousand of people today in similar situations, and your criticism does nothing but add to the guilt.

Regarding the lower economic class of people who are obese, are you perhaps thinking about folks on welfare or food stamps? If so, do the food stamps cover a variety of fruits and vegetables and other healthy staples? Perhaps if people are receiving free money from the government, there should be some controls in place. Sometimes gifts come with strings attached.

One more thing and then I’ll be quiet. Regardless of how you behave on a personal level with people in your social group, please remember that there are real people reading your blog as well. It’s certainly your call but perhaps more good could be done if the same message was spoken in a more loving manner.

Laura writes:

I’m glad you hold me to high standards. I truly appreciate that. As I said, the body is sacred, not simply a thing we use to get around. That means every body is sacred.

If you live in one of those affluent areas where everyone is slim, understand that I’m not talking about the few who are carrying around an extra 15 or 20 pounds. That would be just plain petty. Remember, 30 percent of Americans are now obese and, in some areas, probably closer to 40 percent of the people are. A few years ago, I was staying in a town in upstate New York and I sat for a few hours watching kids jump off a ledge into a waterhole. These were country kids and they should have been fit and thin. Every one of them was fat and it was depressing to see them lumber up the rocks. They looked old before their time. This is a common sight in rural areas now and most of these people are not on food stamps. You see it everywhere.

If this is a condition that afflicts the less well-off, is it elitist to attack those who are seriously fat? I say it is elitist not to both hold them personally responsible and to explore all the conditions that make it difficult. Many people are struggling with this loss of time. Single motherhood and working mothers are common. What can we do about it? We can say this loud and clear. Our country is physically destroying itself. Our country is ill because we have lost our family traditions, because mothers are working and because they are caring for children without husbands.

The growth in obesity parallels the departure of women from the home. Sure, in some places it doesn’t matter as much. If you are an affluent mother in New York City, you can feed your family delicious, healthy and affordable take-out food. But in most parts of America, the choice is between home made food or unhealthy convenience foods. The countless articles about obesity talk about this loss of time as if it is an irreversible cultural trend and as if we are all hapless victims of the decimation of family and home.

Certainly many individuals are part of an irreversible loss of home in their own lives. What about that single mother now? Let’s remember what’s at stake. It isn’t just her appearance, it’s her health and the health of her children. Most Americans watch several hours of television a day. They could use that time to cook beans and eggs or baked potatoes or plain soup. How hard is it to put a couple of pieces of chicken in the oven? Many women who made this country great worked hard all day doing farm tasks or washing and mending clothes. And yet they still fed their families. There is never going to be an easy, care-free solution for a single mother, but she may gain a sense of control and accomplishment if she feeds her children reasonably well. It’s her duty to do it.

She can also tell women who are younger that single motherhood just doesn’t work. There ain’t nothing good about it except the children themselves.

Hannon writes:

Your critique of American obesity hit on a key idea that must be floating around, unconsciously, in many minds: that the heart of the problem is that we seem not to want to trouble ourselves with food. [Laura writes: Yes, that is the most important point I want to make.] Eating has become a nuisance. It struck me because that has been my modus operandi for years, yet I had never thought of it in such stark terms. When two people, e.g., husband and wife, share this aversion the dietary outlook is not good.

Personally I cannot imagine task-oriented pleasure in the kitchen. If I read you correctly, you are saying that if one does not find attraction in food preparation (and shopping) as well as clean up, then the bit of gustation in between will hold little appeal itself. For many Americans, this process has apparently joined the list of chores or functions that are truly less pleasant.

An opposite situation, for me, pertains to travel. Leaving is a pleasure, the traveling is great and it is wonderful to come home. Yes, I am mostly indifferent to food all the while, and there is no preparation so that makes it all the better. But when the food is good I truly enjoy it. Usually. Watch out for the deep-fried sparrows in Hanoi…

As they say, food habits go deep. I appreciate your insights and hope to bring better habits into this home. My mother always cooked good food, typically very basic but sometimes special dishes. But her generation did not have to resist the onslaught of modernity that is sweeping us away today.

Laura writes:

Not everyone should cook. Can you imagine if  Michelangelo or Isaac Newton wasted their time making meals? Some people obviously eat well without cooking, fried sparrows or not. That works for busy professionals who don’t have children or who can eat decent take-out or restaurant food or who are just naturally restrained eaters. Unfortunately, it’s not a good model for society at large.

I have a sister who is a married corporate vice president. We have lots of laughs together going through her pantry. She has things in there that expired in 1988. She sometimes calls me and asks things like, “How long can you keep eggs after the expiration date?” Her world has not fallen apart because she goes for weeks without cooking. She’s not obese. But, again, it’s not a workable model for most.

Hannon says he cannot imagine task-oriented pleasure in the kitchen. My hunch is he’s approaching the whole thing from the wrong angle. The point isn’t to make each discrete chore pleasurable, but to create something and to gain mastery. The chores are the only way to achieve these lofty ends. Many people mistakenly believe that good cooks enjoy chopping onions and peeling garlic. “I will learn nothing if I make nothing.”  That is my own personal kitchen motto. Every single time you cook, you gain. You gain not just food, but knowledge of the craft.

Nevertheless, many of these chores do offer meditative rewards. And few pleasures in life exceed that of working with fruits and vegetables in all their exquisite glory or throwing around bread dough with one’s bare hands. The smell of fresh yeast exhaling its vaguely alcoholic breath throughout a room is profoundly satisfying. Working manually this way is an intimate encounter with nature. It provides so much sensual pleasure, eating is often an afterthought. Even an onion, the sort of common onion found in supermarkets everywhere, is a mysterious and beautiful thing.

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