Mrs. N. comments on the previous post regarding the lamentable ‘Ms.’:

I grew up in a small midwestern town that in my mind’s eye was not unlike the fictional town of Mayberry. Unmarried women carried the title Miss. A married woman was addressed by her husband’s first and last name, i.e. Mrs. John Smith. If a woman was widowed, she was addressed by her own first and last name, i.e. Mrs. Jane Smith. Letters were addressed as such and many women signed their checks and other binding documents in this same manner. 

This formality in address was welcomed by nearly everyone as it allowed others to ascertain marital status without having to ask questions that might result in someone’s discomforture. 

This traditional form of address was, in my view, instrumental in preserving polite society. Firstly, it provided a means of protection for the woman. An unmarried woman enjoyed the protection of her father’s name and reputation until such time as she chose to place herself under the authority of another man. After marriage, a woman would enjoy the protection her husband’s name provided. Even the widow would continue to enjoy the privileges of the reputation of her husband’s name. The importance of knowing the value of a good name/ character could not be underestimated.

 Secondly, it provided security for a woman. Each woman, regardless of marital status, understood her position in society. Therefore, whether transacting business or attending a luncheon she knew what was expected of her to continue in polite society. The unmarried woman would watch and learn from the married women how to help her father’s reputation and someday her husband’s reputation. The married woman would learn from the older women the same things and additionally to rear children. The widow would receive companionship and care from the younger women both married and unmarried. These types of things regularly happened without conscience thought because an orderly framework was already in place. 

Thirdly, it provided power. When a woman felt protected and secure, she was free to consider the many ways she could improve her position. Through creative industry she could help and advance her father’s or husband’s name thereby benefitting herself. Conversely, through indolence and laziness she could hurt her name.

Laura writes:

That’s a great explanation of the importance of these forms of address. I especially like Mrs. N’s point that these provided women with power, contrary to the feminist notion that they are tokens of humiliating subservience. Of course, a feminist would also say that there’s no reason why a woman’s marital status should be known, while a man’s remains ambiguous.

In a radically democratic society, the slightest whiff of rank is obnoxious. Many social graces are considered elitest. Miss and Mrs. are the inevitable casualties of this. Once Ms. was adopted it was only a matter of time before it would take over. It’s ugly and  phonetically challenging. It tends to go on to Mizzzz when you say it.

A high divorce rate also makes the traditional titles a real problem. It seems wrong to call a divorced woman ‘Miss’ and yet you can’t call her ‘Mrs.’ either.

Another thing I’ve noticed: as ‘Mrs.’  becomes less common, it seems more antiquated. A young woman feels matronly using it because the only women she associates with the title are older ones. Many people solve this dilemma by resorting to first names. It is now common even for children to address the mothers and fathers of their friends by their first names, which actually can be awkward for children. Children sometimes feel very uncomfortable doing this.

The “Lady of the House” writes:

I’m barely into my thirties but still vividly remember the day when my aunt was very upset because the bank informed her that she would have to stop signing her checks with Mrs. Her Husband’s Name. She didn’t like that one bit. Whenever I get the chance, I always sign my name Mrs. My Husband’s Name. I’m so particular about this that I don’t even use the stick on address labels from charities because of the Ms. issue.

Really enjoy your blog!

Michelle writes:

I’m 34 years old and I grew up using “Miss” and “Mrs” and seeing “Mrs. Husband’s Name” everywhere. It was just normal. And so I still use these forms of address. And I love it when people write to me as Mrs. Erlend … or call me Mrs. …  It gives me such a thrill! Before I married I always addressed my envelopes, etc with Miss. Michelle …

As far as I’m concerned, the Feminists can go whine about “The Patriarchy” and leave the rest of us alone.

Please follow and like us: