IT’S THE petty things that are often the most difficult. Leo Tolstoy, the great observer of family life whose own domestic relations were often turbulent, wrote this in a letter to his son, Ilya:

“In order to love people and be loved by them, one must learn humility, gentleness, and the art of bearing with disagreeable people and situations, the art of always behaving in a way that will not hurt anyone… and this is the hardest work of all, work that never ceases, from the moment you wake up in the morning till you go to sleep at night. But it is the most joyful work, because day by day you can rejoice in your growing success and receive the added reward, unnoticed at first but very gratifying, of being loved.” (My Father: Reminiscences, Ilya Tolstoy)

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