THE AIM of public education is an impersonal society. That’s why, in a hundred obvious and hidden ways, mass education stands in the way of childhood friendship. It shifts children around purposefully, so that they never spend time with the same people for long, so that both friendship and feuds are thwarted. It breaks up the school years into unnatural divisions, in elementary schools, middle schools and high schools, to keep people from settling into deep and longstanding bonds, whether of enmity or love. Casual and superficial good will to all is the desired social objective.

To this end, there are now programs explicitly devoted to keeping children from having best friends. According to The New York Times:

[I]ncreasingly, some educators and other professionals who work with children are asking a question that might surprise their parents: Should a child really have a best friend?

Most children naturally seek close friends. In a survey of nearly 3,000 Americans ages 8 to 24 conducted last year by Harris Interactive, 94 percent said they had at least one close friend. But the classic best-friend bond — the two special pals who share secrets and exploits, who gravitate to each other on the playground and who head out the door together every day after school — signals potential trouble for school officials intent on discouraging anything that hints of exclusivity, in part because of concerns about cliques and bullying.

The best friend violates the principles of modern mass education. John Dewey wrote in 1916 in his Democracy and Education:

“The idea of perfecting an ‘inner’ personality is a sure sign of social division. What is called ‘inner’ is simply that which does not connect with others – which is not capable of free and full communication. What is termed spiritual culture has usually been futile, with something rotten about it, just because it has been conceived as a thing which a man might have internally – and therefore exclisively.”

“Free and full communication” means love for no one in particular. By contrast, sustained friendship fosters a healthy inner life. It does not correspond with the purposes of mass schooling.

— Comments —

Kilroy writes:

Of course, the imagery in the article is entirely female. Mustn’t have those dysfunctional boys and their strange ways mucking up a good picture.

Karen I. writes:

I agree with you about the sad state of public schools. But, what advice do you have for parents who fear homeschooling because they do not want their Child Protective Services on their doorstep? The schools and Child Protective Services in my state are very intrusive and they work together to “identify” children in need of services, including homeschooled children. In theory, there are no laws against homeschooling here, but in practice, the intrusive nature of our child protection agencies are a major deterrent. Once child protection services become involved, they are nearly impossible to get rid of for a very long time, if ever. Sadly, it is far safer for parents in some states to comply with the public school system than risk losing their rights or even custody of their children to a child protection agency. Perhaps that does not deter some parents, especially those with the financial means to retain lawyers and so on, but to an average parent, the very idea of CPS on the doorstep is enough to ensure they put their kid on the bus every day, like it or not.

Laura writes:

I would check with the Home School Legal Defense Association, which has its own website, and the homeschool organizations in your state to find out under what circumstances this has happened. It may have only occurred in cases of child neglect. Homeschoolers are a formidable force in the state where I live and, while there is sometimes petty harrassment and obstructionism by school officials, false accusations of child abuse and removal of children from their parents’ homes do not occur simply because parents are homeschooling. As long as homeschoolers file the required paperwork, they are typically left alone. In at least one district, they can even take classes in school.

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