RENÉE writes:

When I was twelve years old, my orchestra conductor told us that when she was young, women were not allowed in professional orchestras because they would have to be replaced with they got pregnant and it seemed more practical to just hire men. To me that seemed very sensible, though my opinion was something I knew not to share.

Throughout my life I have had many moments like that, knowing that the prevailing wisdom was wrong about matters of discrimination against women, but not feeling secure to voice my opinions because of fear, and, more importantly, not knowing how to frame my opinions in a manner that would even satisfy me. For, though I sensed that it seemed justifiable to discriminate against women, I still felt on some level that it was not fair. And the desire for fairness is what I was taught was the basis for any perspective on matters of gender.

So what did I do? I avoided feminists as much as I could, dressed very feminine (even in the winter when most people wear pants I would wear knee-length wool skirts with wool tights underneath), and tried to support all the women I knew who had chosen to be housewives. However, I still remained someone who was relatively silent on matters of gender and basically never fully committed myself to my God-given role as a woman. It even feels strange for me to write “a God-given role as a woman.”

I am now at a point in my life where I just want to say, enough is enough. Feminism has never gotten me anywhere. I know it makes no sense. My problem is that I have grown up knowing nothing else and it is extremely difficult for me to change. I have purposefully sought out traditional men and then broken it off with them for being traditional! In short, I have not been taught how to be a woman. I think that is what makes it so difficult for women in my generation to see that there is nothing wrong with being a housewife and that it is what most of us should aspire to. We think that if that was what we are meant to do then it would be the easiest thing to do and we wouldn’t need any help. I have realized that that perspective is wrong, and I am now trying to train myself to be what the world thinks I could never choose.

Your blog has been a blessing. I found it this weekend and I have gone through almost the whole thing. It makes me feel that there is a community out there that can support me, and with God’s help I will undue a lifetime of damage from the feminist indoctrination I received.

Laura writes:

Thank you for writing. You do have a community to support you. 

You mention that the “desire for fairness” was what you believed to be the best standard for judging sex roles. But even by this criterion alone, feminism fails. It has not made the world fairer. In fact, as you now realize, it has made the world less fair, forcing employers to discriminate against the employees who will be more productive in the long run, without the interruptions of pregnancy and child rearing. It is much less fair to children, less fair to the old, less fair to the men who have been abandoned by their wives under no-fault divorce, as well as the women in similar circumstances. It is unfair to those who would have liked children and marriage, but were diverted from these by promises of money and career. Most of all, it is unfair to those who are not yet alive. We have left them with a society that is dying. They will judge us harshly.

I’m glad you have been encouraged by this site. Rejoice. You are among friends.

                                — Comments —

Texanne writes:

Renée’s comment reminded me of an article that appeared a few months ago in the New Yorker about Rose Lane, the daughter of Laura Ingalls Wilder. It’s a long piece about an earnest and energetic woman who apparently helped her mother with her writing and made a name for herself in progressive causes. Towards the end of the article by Ms. Thurman appears this striking quote by Rose: 

“My life has been arid and sterile”, she wrote, “because I have been a human being instead of a woman.” 

How this rings true for so many of us who were inspired by the feminist revolution to overcome the social construct of gender roles — only to realize much later what we gave up in the struggle to achieve “equality”!

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