Stepmothers versus Stepfathers
August 13, 2010
IN THIS entry, Ilion Troas wrote:
Further, consider fairytales — the “evil stepmother” is a stock character, but there is no “evil stepfather” stock character. I think the reason for that is that men are self-sacrificing, and that they tend to love their stepchildren as fully as they love the children of their body. That is, when a man chooses to love and marry a woman, when he chooses to live the life of giving his life for that woman — in contrast to choosing to use women as masturbation machines, as ‘Asher’ clearly has chosen to do — then he also chooses to love and give his life for her children.
Now, I will admit that, all things being equal, I’d prefer to marry a woman without children than one with. But, how often are all things equal?
Ilion adds:
Some years ago, I read of one or more studies which found that, statistically speaking, the stepchildren of men fared better than the stepchildren of women. That is, by measures of education, health, consumption of family resources etc, men provided for their step-children no less than for their natural children. On the other hand, in such blended families, the woman’s natural children (the man’s step-children) tend to receive a greater percentage of family resources for education, health care, etc. than the woman’s step-children (the man’s natural children) do.
This is, of course, not to deny that many stepmothers are saints and that some stepfathers are demons; statistics don’t tell us anything about particulars.
Getting back to Laura’s point that she “cannot imagine the average man of sixty years ago talking in such an unabashedly narcissistic way or asserting, without shame, that family life is a thing pursued out of self-interest not responsibility” … I think a large part of it is rooted in the ongoing feminization of our culture. When men take on stereotypically feminine traits, they tend to overdo it to into an obscene caricature … and thus we see masses of whinging, self-absorbed narcissists in the shapes of men.
Laura writes:
Those are interesting observations about stepmothers and stepfathers.
You write, I think the reason for that is that men are self-sacrificing, and that they tend to love their step-children as fully as they love the children of their body.
It obviously also has something to do with the powerful maternal tie. Since men give birth to neither their stepchildren or their biological children, and are not as physically involved with them in infancy, it is natural, though not necessarily good, that women have a stronger bond with their natural children.
— Comments —
Ilion adds:
In the ‘Stepmothers versus Stepfathers’ thread, you said:
“It obviously also has something to do with the powerful maternal tie. Since men give birth to neither their stepchildren or their biological children, and are not as physically involved with them in infancy, it is natural, though not necessarily good, that women have a stronger bond with their natural children.”
Of course.
And, how this plays out in a functioning patriarchal society made of adults is that (young) women tend to focus on the immediate, on their own children who are here and now, whereas (even young) men tend to look back to their fathers and grandfathers and forward to their anticipated grandsons. That is, even when they’re young, men in a functioning society tend to see themselves, and their children (especially sons), as members of a family which encompasses more than its presently living members; they tend to see themselves as having duties both to their ancestors and to their as yet unborn descendants. Women tend not to have this view until they are middle-aged or older.
On the other hand, in a dysfunctional society such as present-day America, or in a matriarchal society, men tend *not* to see themselves as having duties both to their ancestors and to their as yet unborn descendants.
