THE ANSWER to this question, which was raised obliquely in a previous thread, is no. The answer is no. A man should never hit his wife. What if his wife comes at him with a weapon? Then he should disarm her. What if his wife hysterically rages at him? He should walk out of the room or out of the house. What if his wife slaps him? The answer is the same; he should leave.

The Violence Against Women Act of 1994has created a domestic violence industry that does not protect the interests of the family and violates the constitutional rights of the accused, whom almost always happen to be men. I recommend Phyllis Schlafly’s piece here. She writes:

It seems elementary that husbands and fathers who are accused by their wives or girlfriends should have the constitutional rights accorded to any criminal, but they are routinely denied equal treatment under law, the right to a fair trial, the presumption of innocence until proven guilty and the right to own a gun. The accusation also destroys [a man’s] employability, which diminishes her income as well as his.

… VAWA has a built-in incentive for the woman to make false charges of domestic violence because she knows she will never be prosecuted for perjury.

Domestic violence should be redefined to mean violence. We must eliminate the incentive for false accusations, which includes getting a restraining order as the “gamesmanship” for divorce, child custody, money, and ownership of and access to the family home.

I agree. Domestic violence should carry the same burdens of proof and presumption of innocence as all assault charges.

But strong social condemnation and punitive measures must exist for the man who hits his wife. An occasional failing should not lead to a police record or a criminal charge, but habitual violence should lead to either a police record or some other punishment from extended family, community or church, all of which rarely possess the strength today to enforce communal standards.

The problem with corporal discipline is that it is habit-forming. It easily becomes a substitute for better forms of control. Physical aggression also violates marriage at its core. The meaning of marriage is love. 

                                                             — Comments —

Slwerner writes:

Selected, but telling quotes:

* The answer to this question, which was raised obliquely in a previous thread, is no. The answer is no. A man should never hit his wife.

* Domestic violence should carry the same burdens of proof and presumption of innocence as all assault charges.

* But strong social condemnation and punitive measures must exist for the man who hits his wife.

* An occasional failing should not lead to a police record or a criminal charge, but habitual violence should lead to either a police record or some other punishment from extended family,      community or church, all of which rarely possess the strength today to enforce communal standards.

* The problem with corporal discipline is that it is habit-forming. It easily becomes a substitute for better forms of control.

Laura goes 5-for-5!

To give credit where credit is due, while I frequently disagree with some things you say, you definitely “nailed” each of those. And, you’ve done so in a brilliantly succinct way – each of those statement “says” so much more.

Josh F. writes:

I think we need to differentiate between the assertion that a “man  should never hit a woman” and “a boy/male should never hit a girl/female.” And although I traditionally agree with the former, I most  definitely disagree with the latter.

It seems to me that a man who hits a “woman” legitimately (self-defense, protection of child) is not really hitting a woman, but is  hitting a girl or female. Likewise, a woman who is illegitmately hit 
by a “man,” in reality, is being hit by a boy or male.

But the second assertion is altogether different in a world where  boys are under constant emasculation by both adult females and girls  (“mothers,” “teachers,” “peers,” etc.). The potential for physical  retribution is in many cases a boy’s only real defense mechanism against psychological and physical abuse by a female. To then be  indoctrinated with the idea that a “boy” shouldn’t never hit a girl is  in effect the final nail in the coffin. This cycle of abuse with no  recourse for a boy is a disaster waiting to happen.

Laura writes:

Well, obviously I am extremely sympathetic to the plight of the emasculated and humiliated male.

Perhaps you can give me an example when there might be no alternative but to hit a girl. Despite feminist indoctrination, males are still physically stronger than females.

Karen I. writes:

I am acquainted with a state police officer. The man told me that women will often call the police on their significant other and then change their minds when the police arrive on the scene. They will sometimes turn on the cop and attempt to assault the officer as the man is arrested. In those situations, the police have received instruction during training to treat the woman like a man and defend themselves accordingly. My acquaintance did just that when a very overweight woman jumped on him from behind and tried to beat him up as her husband was being arrested. 

I can think of one more instance when it might not be exactly appropriate to hit a woman, but she might have it coming. I have a neighbor who insults her son day and night. She is beyond verbally abusive, berating him constantly and loudly for the smallest things. I have noticed lately that her son has grown far taller than his mother but still takes her relentless abuse without a single comment. He has the patience of a saint. I honestly would not blame the kid if he snaps one of these days and hits her. She has it coming and no one who has heard her in action would think otherwise.

Josh responds:

A man may hit a female in self-defense or in the legitimate protection of others, especially children. I say this as a bouncer of over a decade, keenly aware of the physical damage the wayward female can inflict. That such females are increasingly lauded in our society only adds to toxic brew.

But the larger point was in reference to the psychological effect on a boy being emasculated by an abusive female adult. A boy’s potential physicality is the only real deterrent to such abuse by a female adult. To such a boy in a emasculating environment, this zero-tolerance meme is like cutting his throat.

Josh adds:

I would add that I haven’t exactly answered the ‘husband hitting the wife’ question initially asked. But again, generally no, but self-defense or defense of children would negate the absolutism of never hitting one’s wife.

Laura writes:

Generally, a man should be able to walk away or disarm a violent wife. Obviously, there are exceptions, such as when a woman is beating a child.

Reader N. writes:

You write:

“Generally, a man should be able to walk away or disarm a violent wife.”

I am certainly no expert on fighting with empty hands. However, years ago I did learn some basic techniques for disarming an attacker armed with a knife. Some of them involve trapping the weapon and bending the hand holding it into very painful positions in order to remove the weapon. Other techniques commence with a parry of the hand containing the weapon accompanied by a simultaneous strike to the body or head. My instructor at that time cautioned us that we knew “just enough to get us in trouble” and that these techniques were for desperate situations when one could not back up quickly enough, as a person armed with a knife, even if not that well trained, could sever an artery with a lucky thrust.

If a woman were to come at me with a knife, or a club, I would surely wind up striking her, possibly throwing her to the ground,in the course of a disarm. This is not to discuss the moral aspects,
merely the practical: all too often, people look at movies or television shows and assume that anyone can disarm anyone else. Good men have died believing that.

“Obviously, there are exceptions, such as when a woman is beating a child.”

Or attempting to murder a child. Would I strike a woman like Andrea Yates, if I caught her in the act of murdering her children in the bathtub? Without question, without hesitation and without remorse.

Josh F. writes:

You are right that, generally, a husband should be able to walk away or disarm a violent wife. But we live in radical times where a  bombardment of false memes are having dire consequences for females.

I think you said it best in that many of these modern females with  their bombastic veneers are really weak and uncertain underneath. How  could they not be???  They’re thoroughly liberalized. These wounded  souls that have the cover of a pervertedly complicit culture don’t let  you walk away and are ready to re-arm once you disengage. Today’s  female REALLY BELIEVES herself to be equivalent to the male in all  manners, even physical. I’ve seen countless females not only instigate  fights among males BUT THEN attempt to get in the middle of the  scuffle. THEY REALLY THINK they can hang in an altercation that can get people killed.

So if I were to surmise where the idea of a man never hitting a woman came from, it would be in the simple observation that if the average  man really punched the average woman like he was in a fight with a man  then such woman could have a high likelihood of dying. With this  understanding, I would qualify my stance as PROBABLY never hitting a  female “as hard” as I might a man for the simple fact that it could  kill her (and we are of course talking about cases of self-defense or  protection of the defenseless). And I say probably because there are  those extreme cases where instant incapacitation may be wholly  necessary.

Remember, real violence is nothing like the movies.

Laura writes:

Maybe the cult of physical fitness and the cultivation of female musculature have also given women an exaggerated sense of their own physical prowess.

Josh writes, If I were to surmise where the idea of a man never hitting a woman came from, it would be in the simple observation that if the average  man really punched the average woman like he was in a fight with a man  then such woman could have a high likelihood of dying.

I don’ t think the idea comes from their relative strength alone, but also from the dependence of women and the male role as protector and defender. 

Remember, real violence is nothing like the movies.

I’m sure you are correct about this. Thankfully, I have had very little experience of real violence. I did, however, inadvertently attack my husband once. He was standing in front of the car on a small embankment. I was in the driver’s seat and I turned on the car, which was a stick shift. The vehicle mysteriously lurched forward. I saw his arms fly up and then my husband fell backward, disappearing over the embankment. Miraculously, he was uninjured and no charges were filed.

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