The Israelites gathered manna. Maybe pizza will someday fall from above too.

PIZZA is to Americans what manna was to the Hebrews: a source of wonder and sustenance. Pizza, in all its forms, sustains us in the desert of modern life. It does not fall from the heavens, but it might just as well because it is available on almost every block. At this very moment, thousands of 18-wheelers are traveling the nation’s highways, hauling the necessary rubber cheese and factory dough to busy pizza vendors. Any town that is halfway civilized is a center of ceaseless pizza production. The “pizza paunch” is proof of this ongoing miracle.

Here is important breaking news on the pizza front.

The actress Julia Roberts, star of Eat, Pray, Love, says that pizza consumption has given her a fuller bust. The latest photos of Julia clad in a bikini while on vacation suggest she has undergone a transformation. But Julia says she did not have surgical augmentation. She just ate more pizza.

Question: how come pizza is not having this effect on other American women? Exactly what kind of pizza has Julia been eating? I have said that pizza is the “fix-a-flat” of foodstuffs. Could it fix more than just a person’s hunger and might it cause visible engorgement of the upper body while sparing the waistline? This may be the biggest bonanza yet for the expanding pizza-industrial complex if only Julia would provide a few more details. It may be that she ate pizza at just the right time during the day for it to have this amazing result.

                                   — Comments —

Eric writes:

I used to know someone who ate a lot of pizza, and he had man-tits that looked just like those.

Laura writes:

There are two photos of Julia that accompany the article, one is pre-pizza and the other is post-pizza.  I have never seen a man with her post-pizza look. 

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