ALAN writes:

I have observed the following notable species at public libraries in St. Louis and would like to know whether any of your readers have made similar observations in libraries elsewhere: 

The Cell-Phone Chatterers. Invariably cool people who sit at the computer next to yours and continue conversation on their cell phones that they began outside on the parking lot – and will not cease unless instructed to do so by library staff. 

The Key Ring Droppers. Invariably cool and important women who drop their key ring – containing at least 57 keys – on the table next to their computer in such a way as to produce a staccato thud and tinkling of keys guaranteed to shatter anyone’s concentration. 

The Liquid Carriers. Cool men and women who would drop dead on the spot were it not for the life-sustaining liquids in the drinkie-poo containers that they plant ceremoniously on the table next to their computers before sitting down, never failing to take a slug every 4.3 minutes. 

The Coughers. Mostly men and boy-men practicing to qualify for the Olympic semi-finals in Coughing and Throat-Clearing. 

The Chuckler. Woman who sits at a computer at a table with seven other people doing likewise – except that they achieve the extraordinary feat of remaining quiet for the duration while she shatters that intolerable silence by chuckling and laughing out loud to herself repeatedly. 

The Gum Smackers. Women or girl-women who wish to have their fondness for chewing gum known to all persons within a radius of 20 yards.

Laura writes:

You forgot:

The Highlighters: Borrowers who return books with their favorite passages highlighted in pink or yellow or underlined in pencil or pen, with vertical bars and stars in the margins. This is to help future readers of a book know which are the most important parts. It’s a service to others.

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