Divorce in Japan
December 7, 2010
JESSE POWELL writes:
A new ritual in Japan is drawing a lot of attention: the “divorce ceremony.” As described in The Telegraph, divorcing couples go through a ceremony to which they invite their family and friends but instead of celebrating the beginning of their new lives together they celebrate their freedom and escape from a broken marriage. “From drinking toasts to never seeing each other again, through to symbolic rides in separate rickshaws to reflect the start of a new journey, the ceremonies consist of a string of symbolic acts to mark the definitive end of a marriage.” The article goes on to say: “Yet with divorce still something of a taboo in Japanese society, the ceremonies have caught on as a way to publicly formalise the separation in a way that is socially acceptable to friends and family.” A 32 year-old-businessman invited to one of these ceremonies had this to say: “I think the ‘divorce ceremony’ phenomenon in Japan is healthy – a sign that the country can embrace change as a national ‘family,’ rather than a cold-hearted ‘system’ of sclerotic preconceived taboos.”
For some historical perspective on divorce in Japan from the Japan Statistics Bureau; in 1960 the divorce rate was 8 percent; in 1970 it was 9.3 percent; in 1980 it was 18.3 percent; in 1990 it was 21.8 percent; in 2000 it was 33.1 percent; and in 2007 it was 35.4 percent.
Laura writes:
The article cited gives no evidence that the divorce ceremony is anything but a marginal phenomenon. Still it is significant that Japanese society would countenance it at all, and the dramatic increase in divorce there is major news. An expert quoted says:
“Today’s Japanese women are well-educated and worldly … They watch Sex and the City and wonder why their husbands are not more dynamic.
“And their husbands, having lost the security of lifetime employment and its perks, are wondering why their wives are so impatient. No wonder divorce has risen to a third of Japanese marriages.”
— Comments —
Ilion T. writes:
Today’s Japanese women are well-educated and worldly … They watch Sex and the City and wonder why their husbands are not more dynamic.
Translation: it’s all about me.
My parents divorced when I was 17. I had been sure since I was a pre-teen that it was likely they would, eventually, but it was still very traumatic for me (and doubtless for my younger siblings).
At the time, while not denying that my mother was also immature in their relationship, I was mostly angry at my father and mostly blamed him for the on-going family break-down. But, with what I hope is increased wisdom with age, I realize that a great deal of my father’s problem had to do with:
1) he was working himself to death; the irrationality he sometimes displayed was a direct consequence of long-term sleep deprivation;
2) my mother was too wrapped up in nursing petty grudges and imagined slights — she had stopped appreciating my father. And, when a woman doesn’t appreciate and respect her man, then he has no real incentive to continue to sacrifice himself for her.
