Gilbert Stuart's Williamstown portrait of Washington

GEORGE WASHINGTON was famous for his finely-honed manners, which combined the polish of a European aristocrat with the democratic simplicity of a colonial farmer. Some of this  refinement was apparently inspired by “The Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and in Conversation.” This set of 110 social maxims originated with sixteenth-century French Jesuits and was translated into English in 1640. Washington copied out the rules in his student exercise book when he was under 16.

“The Gestures of the Body must be Suited to the discourse you are upon.” That is rule #20, one that can lead to many hours of fruitful reflection.

Some of the rules, such as the prohibitions against drumming one’s fingers, humming and bedewing the faces of others with spittle, deal with small matters. Others concern iisues of the highest morality, such as #21, “Reproach none for the Infirmaties of Nature, nor Delight to Put them that have in mind thereof.”  Deference to others, even those equal or below in rank, is central to this ethical system. Rule #34: “It is good Manners to prefer them to whom we Speak before ourselves especially if they be above us with whom in no Sort we ought to begin.”

Richard Brookhiser, in his biography of Washington, Founding Father, writes:

It is not surprising that there should have been this relation between the maxims in [Washington’s] exercise book and his conduct in public life, since “civility” shares the same linguistic root as “civic”and “city.” The way men behave in polite society is related to how they order society. Politeness is the first form of politics.

Today, self-assertion is admirable. Many of these rules might be viewed as forms of weakness and excessive diffidence. Here are the first 12 rules, with the spelling of the original translation by 12-year-old Francis Hawkins:

1st Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present.

2d When in Company, put not your Hands to any Part of the Body, not usualy Discovered.

3d Show Nothing to your Friend that may affright him.

4th In the Presence of Others Sing not to yourself with a humming Noise, nor Drum with your Fingers or Feet.

5th If You Cough, Sneeze, Sigh, or Yawn, do it not Loud but Privately; and Speak not in your Yawning, but put Your handkercheif or Hand before your face and turn aside.

6th Sleep not when others Speak, Sit not when others stand, Speak not when you Should hold your Peace, walk not on when others Stop.

7th Put not off your Cloths in the presence of Others, nor go out your Chamber half Drest.

8th At Play and at Fire its Good manners to Give Place to the last Commer, and affect not to Speak Louder than Ordinary.

9th Spit not in the Fire, nor Stoop low before it neither Put your Hands into the Flames to warm them, nor Set your Feet upon the Fire especially if there be meat before it.

10th When you Sit down, Keep your Feet firm and Even, without putting one on the other or Crossing them.

11th Shift not yourself in the Sight of others nor Gnaw your nails.

12th Shake not the head, Feet, or Legs rowl not the Eys lift not one eyebrow higher than the other wry not the mouth, and bedew no mans face with your Spittle, by approaching too near him when you Speak.

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