J. writes:

I am a third-year college student and am struggling to survive the college environment. I do enjoy lectures in philosophy and reading philosophy and other subjects but I can’t stand the students and the “college lifestyle.” As someone who believes in the values espoused on your website, for example, I am completely nauseated by the behavior, clothing, arrogance, hedonism, alcoholism, etc. of the students and avoid them completely, often to pursue my own reading and interests.

Being in my early 20s, I naturally want to find a partner who is likewise chaste and preferably good-looking but that is, I hate to say because it is quite despairing, close to impossible. There can’t be more than 20 percent of girls in total on the campus who are virgins and probably less than five percent who are good-looking. My hope has reached the point of zero in this environment. Something is totally messed up with our “higher” education in this country. Go into any class and you will see over 50 percent of the students on their laptops browsing Facebook or on their phones texting. There is no respect at all, and the students don’t even notice it for the most part! The professors don’t even care for the most part! Hardly anyone goes to classes on Fridays because they want their partying to start early.

Just giving a report on higher education on the front lines so to speak. It is not looking good, but hey at least the females are “liberated,” right? 

Thankfully, there are sites like yours where some hope can be found.

  — Comments —

Roger G. writes:

Good looking, huh?

So, sir, just what do you look like?

Besides which,

Charm is deceitful and beauty
is vain.
But a woman who fears the
LORD, she shall be praised.

Laura writes:

I appreciate the college student’s kind words and can understand his intense frustration.

As for his search for a woman, I can see avoiding women who neglect their appearance and who don’t care what they look like. But I can’t understand avoiding women who take care of their appearance and yet are not conventionally good-looking. There are many diamonds in the rough.

If you marry a good-looking woman, chances are she won’t be good-looking in 20 years (maybe ten or even five) and, without a doubt, she won’t be good-looking in 35 years. Her character, on the other hand, will be with you until death. I know one man who married a very pretty woman 15 years ago. She is now 70 pounds heavier than she was then. She also divorced him.

John writes:

As a recent male graduate of an elite Northeast liberal arts college,  I can definitely attest to the dearth of “attractive” young women on  college campuses today. I do not mean “attractive” strictly in the  physical sense, and nor do I think that J. does either.

An “attractive” young woman personifies modesty in dress, speech and personal conduct. Modesty is indeed the forerunner of chastity.

I share in J.’s frustrations at the lack of suitable young women to  court (not date), but I am also sure that young women also display the  same dissatisfaction with young men interested only in hook-ups. There are few mainstream alternatives for young men and women who  eschew the predominant hook-up culture characteristic of many of college campuses. Thankfully, there are some young people out there  who have not completely lost their marbles.

Laura writes:

Yes, appearance often reflects the inner person.

Charles T. writes:

Attractiveness in a mate is something that must be considered. After all, we will live in close proximity with them for the rest of our lives. However, you must consider also that you will marry a whole person, and not just their appearance – as important as appearance can be. 

Always consider the whole person. You could sum it up like this and not in any particular order: 

Humility. Modesty. Intelligent and thoughtful. Attractive to you. 

These are the general traits I will teach my young children to look for in a mate. Do not despair and be patient. There are some great girls out there. And do not forget that there are some good – hearted girls out there who, as Laura says, are “diamonds in the rough.”

Michael writes:

My recommendation is to become one of the most attractive men on campus. If you are in the top 5 percent yourself, you will be sure to get the elite virginal hotties interested in you. They will self-identify.

Karen I. writes:

There is nothing wrong with J. having high standards for the appearance and morals of potential girlfriends, unless his standards are so high they are making him unhappy, which is apparently the case. 

J. might not understand how much female “beauty” is due to cosmetics, wardrobe, costly hair procedures like highlighting or hair extensions, dermatologist’s potions and lotions, fake nails and eyelashes, fake tans from self-tanner or tanning beds and so on. Many famous stylists have said things along the lines of “pretty can be bought.” It is quite possible that some more modest women do not appear as beautiful as the immodest ones because they are purposely not spending as much time and money on their appearance. If a woman who wishes to remain chaste finds herself in a hook-up college campus environment, one effective way to protect her virtue and avoid unwanted attention would be to downplay her looks. 

Women also tend to notice when a man expects perfection and they do not find it attractive. Even the prettiest woman can have an off day and knowing that, she will likely wonder what a man who expects perfection is going to think if he sees her without her makeup or with a cold.

Jeff W. writes:

I would encourage J. to join a campus Christian organization.  If he is a Christian, he should focus on how he could serve that organization, rather than on what he will get out of it (which might not be too much).  He might think about how he can add interesting and insightful points to discussions and how he might help with projects.

Christianity is a wonderful religion.  Advanced, saintly Christians focus completely on God and on other people.  As they do that, they stop worrying about themselves and complaining about their own deplorable circumstances.  That is the ultimate, Christian answer to all of J.’s problems: forget about yourself and have faith in God.  

Laura writes:

I would urge J. to become a Christian too. Because Christianity is true. Christian campus organizations may or may not be good places to meet people, but, as you say, that’s no reason not to join them. Liberalism runs thick through these organizations and many are only nominally Christian.

I was on a commuter train recently and a young woman was sitting near me talking about her plans to go into a career in Christian “peace and justice.” She was a very pretty girl but she was dressed in the most ludicrous fisherman’s cap and ugly corduroys and gloves that were an affectation of earthiness and affinity with the common man. An extremely good-looking young man whom she knew entered the car and sat next to her. They struck up a conversation and she was working hard to impress him with her sincere convictions about world redemption through universal peace and justice, her eyes twinkling with compassion. Interestingly, he was wearing a jacket and tie.

Finally, when they got off the train, they said goodbye and started to go their separate ways. She wanted to make one more gesture that might impress upon him her unusual vitality. The only thing she could think to do was run.  So she ran toward the street, breezing right past him with her hideous cap perched over her eyes. Whatever Christianity this woman had found, it had not brought her in touch with her inner woman.  

Please follow and like us: