BEN J. writes:

A co-worker and I were recently discussing some of the odd things our various employers in the aircraft industry have done to inspire employees. Often large quantities of boxed greasy foamboard are ordered and delivered to the hangar. This is a bad idea on many levels. 

My colleague said this one outfit made a mistake by giving everyone the weekend off, when they actually needed them there. So the bosses instructed them to bring in their spouses, relatives, anyone they could drum up on short notice to complete this project. (Yes anyone can work on an airplane, they have to be supervised by a licensed mechanic). So his wife came to work with him, and sure enough, about lunch time, a large load of the culinary abomination was deposited in the break room. It was sourced from a local vendor known for emphasizing cost over quality. The good lady removed a slice of the pizza from the box, and held it up vertically. My buddy says a river of orange grease poured off the slice. His wife then said “Hey honey! Look! Greaz-izza!” 

I was intrigued by the quote on your blog “Animals eat, only man dines.” One vice I have is motor racing, and that entails spending a lot of time around racing circuits. Invariably, some sort of concession is run either from a stand or a ‘roach-coach.’ I understand these vendors rely on these businesses to feed their families, and I don’t begrudge them their living. It’s just that every time I eat there I get ill, which is not good when you are supposed to be out working or even worse when contending with a tricky turn at 100 mph. At the lunch break, the area is swarmed with a bunch of people eating grilled hockey pucks or tubes of grilled fat, accompanied by packets of fried grease and containers of sugar water. Everyone just wolfs the stuff down, then back out to our activities. “Wolf” is an appropriate term, as everyone is eating like animals. There’s no enjoyment of a meal, just cram some filler in there and get back after it, like some kind of culinary NASCAR-style fuel stop. 

I have an event coming up in a couple weeks, I shall pack myself a nice sandwhich, made from good bread, quality meat and a favorite cheese, with some vegetables on the side, and maybe even cook up something a little sweet to go with it. I’m sure it will be much better, and I will have time to savor it, not having to stand in line for my chow. And I won’t be standing in the other line later! 

When I have some more time I will have to send you the menus recommended by the late Ayrton Senna for racing drivers, in his book Principles of Race Driving. It’s kind of interesting. No pizza on there anywhere…

Laura writes:

I would be very interested in the ideal diet for race car drivers. We might all benefit. Please send them if you have the time.

Christine writes from Germany:

I am a little surprised by your battle against pizza, since for me pizza is “the real thing” (Italian restaurant pizza, baked in a brick oven next to the open fire, or the home made version). Of course I know Pizza Hut and other food chains that sell the “abominable” pizza thing, yet they are not so common here and if I eat pizza at all I only eat the real thing. Yet, of course I understand what you mean and I agree with your opinion on junk-food pizzas.

I had to google what a fix-a-flat is just to discover that we have such a thing, however the brand name is different. The pizza cutting utensil shown in the picture is a very common thing here in Germany. I have never seen one integrated in a fork, but I even possess such a little wheel on a handle myself. I got it as a present and I think I never used it, since I seldom bake pizza. Even if I do I usually don’t remember that I have the thing and use a knife for cutting my pizza.

Yet, your utensil reminded me of a little anecdote I experienced many years ago. I was a little girl and on a journey through Italy with my parents. We went to a restaurant somewhere in Tuscany I think and they had the most delicious pizzas I ever tasted (of course made in a brick oven beside the open fire). Yet, they served the pizzas not with a knife and fork but with a pair of scissors!!! I was quite fond of the idea, since I had always been a bit clumsy and when I tried to cut a pizza with a knife a slice of it usually slipped off the plate onto a clean white tablecloth, my neighbor’s lap, or the floor. So I found this solution quite practical. However, my parents, and my father in particular, were not very fond of this unusual flatware. He called it a cultural degradation and disgusting.

Laura writes:

I’m confused by the wheel. Judging from the photo, it would make the fork greasy. Scissors are a great idea and I don’t see anything wrong with using them.

But, I like your father. I like him very much.

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Bert Perry writes:

I dearly wish that I could point to one specific type of food as a culinary abomination, like pizza, but alas, having “dined” on any number of things, I’ve got to point the finger at most hamburgers and burritos as well, not to mention most attempts at pastry. 

That said, we used to have a game in high school where we would see how many napkins full of grease we could remove from the school’s “Real Italian Pizza”. The record, if I remember, was eight napkins full. It was always sure to modify the peristaltic processes, to put it delicately, if one went to track practice within a day of eating it.

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