GRACE A. writes:

My cynical elderly father once said to me that everything comes down to money and when you cannot figure out why someone is doing something, look for the money. Unfortunately, he is right about that all too often, and I thought of his words when reading your post about the “Spirited Woman Awards.” There are many financial interests behind Spirited Women. 

I used to get little awards like that when I was employed. I was quite a go-getter for a few years. My last award was from my state’s Society of Professional Journalists: first place in the general reporting category for my work as a court and crime reporter, an award I received after I quit working. I was very pregnant when I quit and concerned the stress would be bad for the baby. The editor was so angry at me for quitting, he never called to tell me about the award dinner and he let the award sit on his desk unopened until a loyal receptionist told me about it. When I went to pick it up, I brought along my six-week-old baby. No one in the newsroom said a word about him and hardly anyone made eye contact with me. I was stunned. It was not the last time I was snubbed, either. Lawyers who had fawned over me, judges who had waved to me from the bench, and even quite a few “friends” suddenly forgot who I was the moment I quit that job. Over a decade later, nothing surprises me anymore. 

I have taken so much garbage for being a housewife, I don’t know how I do it sometimes. It helps that my kids are turning out great. Websites like yours also help when I feel like I am the only one staying home. The funny thing is, things are starting to change. The same people who insulted me for being a housewife now say how “lucky” I am my kids are doing so well. I recently turned 40 and I am shocked to see how many couples we know in their early 40s are splitting up. Again, some are saying my husband and I are “lucky” to still be together. I guess luck is putting a ton of work into your kids and marriage.

Laura writes:

Of course it is not luck that your marriage and children are doing well. Feminists wag their tongues about how open-minded they are toward motherhood and marriage, but they have brought about the ostracism you describe. Some women would rather neglect their children and marriages than face this social rejection and in a way you can’t blame them.

While your editor’s disapproval was heartless and wrong, the pursuit of “equality” has placed employers and supervisors in difficult positions. Loyal employees suddenly pick up and leave. When femininity was recognized as a positive good, employers expected to lose their female employees. They didn’t hire women for certain jobs for that reason. Now they invest much more in female employees with the full expectation that they will stay.

                                                                  — Comments —

Hurricane Betsy writes:

Grace’s story about how she was treated when she returned to the office with her baby is quite shocking. This is beyond belief. It reminded me of a minor event I saw at an insurance company; this was a job that I was new to, back in 1985. A woman I’d never met, who had been an employee there, came to the office to show off her newborn baby. She had not been a boss or anyone important there. Well, everyone in the joint crowded around her and the baby, including a few of the men, some wanting to hold the baby, etc. Some of the girls made the boss take his turn holding the child. That kid was definitely the center of attention!

My, how times have changed, though I kind of suspect that the sort of business Grace was involved in might have an excess of stupid liberal feminist people, though, and this kind of behaviour is not the norm among the general population.

Adriana writes:

I agree, Grace’s story about how she was treated when she brought her baby into work is shocking. So shocking that I question whether it’s an exaggeration. I work in a similar industry as she did, and I’m an independent contractor, but whenever anyone has brought in a baby — fathers, mothers, even mothers who quit their independent contracting jobs to stay home with their children, people fawn. That Grace had such an experience leads me to believe that perhaps there were other circumstances, unrelated to her child, around her leaving the company.

That said, I’m not at all “shocked” that her “friends” on the job snubbed her. But I propose that it had nothing to do with the fact that she’s a stay-at-home mother, and everything to do with the fact that she’s no longer a journalist. Reporters are coveted friends — ex-reporters, not so much. I worked a few years back as a journalist for a small paper with a large impact. Many of my “friends” at the time — sources, public relations people, etc. — were only my friends because of my connections with the paper. When I left the paper, most ceased to be friends with me — obviously, because our friendship was a contract of sorts. I was not pregnant at the time, and I was not offended that people who were using me for my connections stopped using me once I lost those connections.

Laura writes:

Probably most workplaces would not be so indifferent to a newborn baby and obviously some relationships come to an end when a person leaves a job, but having left a major metropolitan newspaper not long after my first child was born, I found Grace’s description of a chilly reception from friends and coworkers plausible and familiar.

Please follow and like us: