On Matronliness
July 20, 2011
THIS nineteenth century portrait by James Charles of Mrs. Alfred Illingworth might seem to modern sensibilities to be a portrait of luxury and its unearned privileges. But this interpretation cannot survive an honest appraisal of Mrs. Illingworth’s face. Every thing in the picture is a prop to the magnificent, communicative face. She is serene and self-effacing. Her gaze is steady, not defiant. Like Stoic Roman matrons immortalized in busts, or a weathered cliff on a lovely shore, she is a bulwark of receptivity. She is not beautiful, but she is highly feminine.
Feminists have often scared women with the idea that when their children are raised they will have nothing to do. What can I say, but how stupid this idea is? Nothing to do? Does the cliff have nothing to do? Does a work of art have nothing to do?
What can a woman do after her children are raised? She need not do. But she must be.
— Comments —
Jill Farris:
“Does a cliff have nothing to do?”- I snorted with laughter at this! Thank you for your words of wisdom. It is truly delightful for me to find an older woman who is wise, witty and outspoken and not spending time and effort into trying to look and act young!
Laura writes:
Thank you.
I am not quite matronly yet, but I aspire to be.
Lisa writes:
I totally love this. It dovetails perfectly with my thoughts lately.
Sarah writes:
Now that I am an established married woman with two young children I appreciate all the “matronly” women in my life. My grandmother, mother in law, and most importantly of all my dear and lovely mother. Something happened when I grew up into a real woman. I realized how beautiful and vital my mother was to me and my children. Perhaps I won the mother lottery, but my mother is a real Christian woman. She is a true source of forgiving love, stalwart goodness, honesty, wisdom (my son thinks she knows everything!) true and real kindness, and love of life! She’s not fun the way a twenty year old friend is fun….she is fun the way a seasoned veteran can be fun. She has always been a blessing to my marriage. She’s got a little salt in her, and she always knows what to say or when to say nothing at all. No matter what it is she’s seen it all before. I love her for her matronly soul. She is our weathered cliff; draped in green grass and bright wild flowers. She faces out to the ocean. She is like a pillar for me. I can’t say enough about the gratitude I feel in my heart to have such a matron in my life. She’s always got a smile on her face, and yet there’s no trace of frivolous stupidity. She’s got the kind of soul I want to have someday. This kind of woman used to be the bedrock of society. Now it seems young women are obsessed with the newest hottest celebrity goddess. These “goddesses” live crumbling lives of divorce, drug addiction, and worse…I’ll take the company and camaraderie of a matronly, zesty woman over self-obsessed girls any day. I’ll treasure her lessons the most.
And for the record, my mom is still beautiful at 53 years of age. I highly doubt I would have even contemplated building good character through the hard times if I hadn’t had such a good mother. What is she supposed to do now that all her chicks have flown the nest? Well, she travels and works for her church. She blesses people wherever and whenever she can. She’s just the nicest, but toughest, person you’ll ever meet. What is she supposed to DO? Well, you see, WE NEED HER. We need this stalwart, wise, good woman. We need her to just be. Without her we are lost…adrift in a sea of overwhelming change, vice, wickedness, selfishness. What sort of life would we have without her blessed face gracing our world? Who would dance with the baby in the park on perfect blue sky days? Who would baby sit at the drop of a hat so I can have a date night with my husband? Who would ever love me so much or want me to turn out so well? If that’s all she ever does, and she does so much more, then I will count her as one of the greatest treasures of my life.
