JOHANNA writes in response to this post:

I am another woman in the same position as Mrs. M: misguided by feminism, burdened with student debt, and looking for a way to develop a healthy family. I am 27 now, but I feel that I have to put off marriage and children a little longer for both financial and emotional reasons. It wasn’t until this year, largely with the help of this site, that I could finally see the problems inherent in feminism. 

I have always been a very conscientious person, which is why I pursued a university degree as everyone told me to do. I didn’t know myself, and I didn’t know how the world worked. I trusted my parents and other authority figures to lead me down the right path. It was this same conscientiousness that wouldn’t allow me to accept an ambitious career, and I went through several years of confusion. I couldn’t access the contradictions between my thoughts and emotions before because I accepted that having a career and financial independence were basic requirements for a successful life. I was conditioned very deeply to believe that I should never be dependent on anyone else, and had to look after myself. My desire to be a responsible person and find security trumped everything else. This completely ruled out the idea of being dependent on a husband in order to support children physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

The fact that no one will talk about this issue openly makes it much worse. Many times, I’ve felt that I was crazy or at least irresponsible for chasing the ideal of a happy family. I am very grateful for websites like this that validate my thoughts, and prove that others have the same concerns. I believe you are correct to say that this is largely a spiritual challenge. I still struggle regularly with the feeling that I am wrong.

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