The True Meaning of “In Sickness and in Health”
January 10, 2012
PATRICK writes:
I found this article in the Washington Post very interesting. It recounts the story of a middle-aged couple. The husband at age 46 had a stroke, which left his mental functioning at an extremely low level. His memory was deeply impaired. The wife took care of the husband for a while. She eventually met a man and fell in love with him. Yet she felt guilty and wanted to include her disabled husband in her new life. So she did. “Allan felt uneasy at first, guilty about befriending a man with limited cognition while starting up a romance with his wife.”
I can’t imagine the pain the wife has gone through. Despite this, I have to say the wife is (whether consciously or unconsciously) perpetrating a cruelty on her husband. The marriage vow is in sickness and in health. This does not mean, I will take care of you while sleeping with other men. It means you continue your vows, even in the face of a disabling stroke. I almost think it would be better if she had an affair and didn’t tell anyone. He is in effect a disabled publicly cuckolded man.
This story resonates with me because my grandfather had a severely disabling stroke. My grandmother took care of him till he died. It was very difficult, but there was simply no question of finding another husband. She was an Irish-Catholic woman with nine children, and took in two other children. Maybe everyone can’t be as saintly, but I have to say reading the story made me quite ill.
— Comments —
Art writes:
This is a sad, sad story. I would hope I could have a wife as saintly as Patrick’s grandmother.
Pan Dora writes:
I see this sort of thing all the time in nursing homes. One man used to visit his invalid wife from 5:30 pm to 7:00pm each night. Always had to leave precisely at 7, guess girlfriend who always waited downstairs in the lobby thought an hour and a half was enough. Another man visited for about an hour or so daily, girlfriend dropped hom off and picked him up. Of course, let us not forget the famous adulterer of this type, Michael Schiavo.
Nichole writes:
I completely agree with Patrick’s assessment. I was disgusted they would call this the “true meaning of in sickness and in health.” I heard an amazing podcast on the TRUE true meaning of in sickness and in health, I think it would encourage people way more than this crock of a love story! Check it out if you are interested!
