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On the Hedonist Who Profits From the Sacrifices of Those Who Raise Children « The Thinking Housewife
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On the Hedonist Who Profits From the Sacrifices of Those Who Raise Children

February 6, 2012

  

JAMES P. writes:

Bruno claims that Catholicism is a “very harsh doctrine” because it requires that one sacrifice materialistic pleasures like buying a new car or new home or taking a vacation in order to have children. Even if one accepts the argument that the requirement to procreate and raise children is “very harsh” (though humans throughout history have somehow happily done this), what exactly is the point of belonging to a Church that makes no demands on its members? If all you want to do is what makes you happy, why belong to a Church at all? No doubt Bruno will respond that this is exactly why he does not belong to a Church. However, he appears blissfully unaware of the numerous moral and practical objections to his philosophy of selfish hedonism.

We might note that liberalism makes very harsh demands on us all, including economic demands in the form of greatly increased taxes, and imposes these demands on liberals and non-liberals alike. When the government takes my money and uses it for any of the many purposes of which I disapprove, I regard that as far more harsh than a requirement that I voluntarily give up some transient personal pleasures in order to provide for my own children. But perhaps Bruno is a libertarian (or Right-liberal), not a Left-liberal, and thus disapproves of all forms of government transfer payments because they impose harsh demands on him and interfere with his personal happiness.

Did Bruno make any sacrifices in order to obtain his education? Did he spend any time studying that could have been spent more pleasurably? Did he spend money on college that could have been used for a new car or a trip to Paris? Did he take out student loans that required a long time to repay? If so, why did he choose to enslave himself to the very harsh doctrines of the Church of Higher Education and make repeated offerings at the altar of Sallie Mae? Oh, he felt that obtaining an education would provide benefits and happiness over an entire lifetime that were worth foregoing short-term pleasures like trips to Paris. Well, parents feel that having children and raising them properly provides benefits over an entire lifetime (indeed, beyond their own lifetime!) and that children are well worth the sacrifice of a few vacations or material purchases.

Catholics at least have a doctrinal basis for asserting that they are right to prioritize the long-term benefits of having children over short-term material and personal gratification. What is the basis for Bruno’s assertion that any long-term pleasure should be preferred over any short-term pleasure? If your life revolves only around “happiness” (personal gratification) then there is never a reason to prefer anything but immediate pleasure, since, for example, if you choose to sacrifice in order to achieve a long-term gain, you might die before you achieve your long-term gain. Why even go to work in the morning? Bruno might as well sit in the basement playing video games. Of course, such a lifestyle is unsustainable for society as a whole, as one person cannot sit in the basement playing video games unless others are willing to sacrifice in order to provide the basement and the video games.

Writ large, Bruno’s life as a childless pleasure-seeker is only possible because others are willing to make the sacrifice of having and raising children in order to keep society running. For example, Bruno will only someday enjoy a nice retirement with adequate, affordable health care if other people have children. When Bruno wants to sell the shares from his privately funded 401K plan so he can retire, there have to be younger workers willing to buy those shares. The more younger workers there are, the higher the demand for those shares, and the higher the price he will receive for selling them. At the opposite extreme, if there are no children, then Bruno’s shares are literally worthless — their value drops to zero and it’s time to break out the ramen noodles. Similarly, if there are too few younger workers buying health insurance, then health care for the elderly Bruno is unaffordable if it is available at all, because the pool of shared risk is too small. Europe suffers from precisely these problems today — not enough younger workers to pay for the needs of older retirees. The older generation is thus reaping the bitter fruit of its past selfish hedonism. Ironically, for purely self-interested reasons, as well as to avoid the nasty stigma of being a social and moral parasite, Bruno should wish to reproduce himself and to encourage everyone else his age to do so! I hope his girlfriend, at least, changes her mind about not having children before it is too late for her.

Bruno’s denial that there is an objective morality and his claim that appeals to objective morality “never helped any society in any way” are laughable. He is as poor a historian as he is a philosopher. The most stable, orderly, and long-lived societies in history believed in objective morality. Organized religion based on objective morality is absolutely essential for the maintenance of civilization. Our society is collapsing into anarchy because it has abandoned its belief in objective morality. Bruno argues that everyone, Christian and unbeliever alike, should “obey the laws and respect the mores of society.” What mores? There can be no mores if there is no objective morality, because without morality there can be no agreed upon set of norms, virtues, or customs; every individual will follow his momentary desires in his search for “happiness.” These desires will often conflict with the desires of others — ergo, no mores.

Without objective morality, on what grounds could Bruno reject the mores of the Aztecs, whose ordinary customs included cannibalism and human sacrifice? Or to pick a more relevant example, if a large number of Muslims moved to Bruno’s city and voted, in a free election, to institute Sharia Law, on what grounds would Bruno challenge the resulting change in laws and mores? Would Bruno happily accept honor killings, slavery, the veiling of women, the stoning of homosexuals, and so forth? Lack of belief in objective morality has disarmed Europe in the face of Muslim invasion, and they have only just begun to suffer the consequences. As for laws, if they do not have their ultimate basis in objective morality, they are a house built on sand. Numerous depraved regimes have, with the full force of law, committed any number of atrocities.

Others have noted the obvious contradiction between Bruno’s rejection of objective morality and his assertion that everyone should accept “the test of happiness.” Azetcs and Muslims did what made them happy, and psychopaths do what makes them happy, yet this does not make their actions morally correct. “The pursuit of happiness” alone is simply not the basis for a rational, moral, or even practical social order. It is a recipe for a brutal anarchy in which the cruelest and strongest achieve their pleasure at the expense of others. And who can say they are wrong if there is no objective morality?

Bruno’s claim that “many Christians” are secretly internally miserable smacks of projection. In the main, it is the amoral, nihilistic hedonists who are terribly unhappy, not the Christians.* It is true that Christians have great difficulty resisting the pursuit of pleasure in a world that glorifies this pursuit above all else. Yet the fact that some people fall into sin hardly proves the non-existence of sin, or that the attempt to live virtuously is mere “hypocrisy,” or that the sinners are actually the happy ones.

 

* Evidence of this unhappiness:

Religiously unaffiliated subjects had significantly more lifetime suicide attempts and more first-degree relatives who committed suicide than subjects who endorsed a religious affiliation. Unaffiliated subjects were younger, less often married, less often had children, and had less contact with family members. Furthermore, subjects with no religious affiliation perceived fewer reasons for living, particularly fewer moral objections to suicide. In terms of clinical characteristics, religiously unaffiliated subjects had more lifetime impulsivity, aggression, and past substance use disorder. No differences in the level of subjective and objective depression, hopelessness, or stressful life events were found.

[JP: If you are a selfish hedonist and life ceases to give you pleasure, why not pull the plug?]

  

                                                              — Comments —

Bruno writes:

That is a very powerful argument, I have to admit. I’ve thought about that a few times, actually. All I have to say, I believe, is that he who refrains from having children himself should help others support their children in some way. Not as a legal obligation (taxes for bachelors would be preposterous, in my opinion), but as a moral one. Childless couples could help their relatives with their children from time to time. Perhaps allowing them to travel to Paris, how about that! [Laura writes: Ha!]

One more thing. I believe you might be wrong about Europe. The elderly there are doing well. Their youth, on the other hand…Spain has a 50 percent unemployment rate amongst its youth. They are idle; they have no jobs, survive on handouts from their parents and the government, and party from Tuesday to Saturday. Some of them are even applying for jobs overseas…in developing countries. Why even more young people would be better in any way for Europe?
 
Laura writes:
 
Excellent.
 
By the way, taxes on bachelors might not make sense but generous deductions for families do, which are in effect taxation on bachelors. The child tax deduction is a mere fraction of what it was in the 1950s. The Child and Dependent Care Tax Credit, which provides extra deductions for children in day care, is an abomination. Families taking care of their children themselves should at least get the same deduction.
 
Brian Robertson wrote in Forced Labor in 2002, “[D]ue largely to the loss  in value of the personal exemption  for children, the effective federal tax rate for a family of four has gone from 3 percent in 1948 to about 25 percent today.” (I believe the figure is at least as high today.) In 1948, almost half of all families with at least one working parent paid no income tax at all. 
 
Single people who have ample resources should help their relatives with children. It’s the right thing to do. It’s my impression that this attitude was once common. Bachelor uncles would  send their nephews to school. The idea that single people had no obligation to those raising children and were entitled to spend freely simply wasn’t as accepted as it is now.
 
Josh F. writes:
 
I agree with much of what James P. has said, but the reality is that the true nihilist/hedonist NEVER “profits.” He is most definitely on the descent and heading towards self-annihilation. Those that have had children need to be careful in patting ourselves on the back for making “sacrifices” that ultimately steered us clear of our own self-annihilating tendencies. We aren’t really having children because Bruno and David refuse to. We are having children BECAUSE it is a normal life-affirming “thing.” We aren’t having children so that Bruno and David can pleasure themselves to death. We are having children so we can enjoy our greatest “creation” until the day we die.

What neither Bruno or David seem to understand is that in the radical liberal paradigm, their “right” to seek and live in happiness IS/WAS and WILL ALWAYS BE subordinate and subservient to their mothers’ “fundamental right” to annihilate them in utero.

Thus, we see in the nihilist/hedonist a total toleration for their own hypothetical demise. Not only must they assent to this “order of things” to stay true to the principle of “living” however one desires, but their hypothetical annihilation must be seen as a “good thing” for it was a mother exercising her “fundamental right.”

Without an outright rejection of this liberal “order,” there is no reason to accept the “truths” that Bruno and David propose to offer. There is ample evidence that both Bruno and David had no desire to exist “in the first place.” As David clearly stated, his annihilation in utero would have been “fine.”

Not hedonists… Not nihilists… Self-annihilators. It is contagious. Our children should be our immunity.

David S. writes:

Josh F. writes: “Thus, we see in the nihilist/hedonist a total toleration for their own hypothetical demise….but their hypothetical annihilation must be seen as a “good thing” for it was a mother exercising her “fundamental right….As David clearly stated, his annihilation in utero would have been “fine.””

David writes: This is total jibberish. “Toleration for their hypothetical demise”? How can you tolerate, or not tolerate for that matter, a hypothetical? That’s why it’s hypothetical. There is no danger of it happening.

Laura writes:

But you yourself appraised a hypothetical. You wrote:

Any rational person would say: The world could have been different. I might have never been born, or even conceived, for various reasons. In such a world, there would be no pain for me, or any other unpleasantries, since I wouldn’t even exist. It goes without saying that there would be no injustice visited upon me in that world. So indeed, that world would have been “fine,” at least as far as I’m concerned.

The last sentence, in particular, is nonsense. So indeed, that world would have been “fine,” at least as far as I’m concerned.

How can the world be fine from your perspective, if you don’t even exist?

Alissa writes:

What Josh F. has written can be related to the problem of evil in this post. Non-believers would rather non-existence (e.g. transformation from the existence of the soul to its non-existence) than exile (e.g. Hell) and this makes their belief system positively evil, contrary to their claims that God isn’t good.

Mary writes:

David S. also wrote this in a recent post: “And remember, these children would not have been born if the adoptive couple hadn’t wanted a child. These are situations where that couple initiates the request. The donor might have had a child of his own anyway, but it would not have been that particular child. So the choice for the child is nonexistence or being raised by an adoptive couple, whatever risks of longing for biological parents that might incur…”

He contradicts himself often; he trys to employ logic but he doesn’t truly understand it. When it is pointed out to him, he doesn’t explain his reasoning, he just moves on to a different subject.

Mary adds:

Bruno wrote: “Their youth, on the other hand…Spain has a 50 percent unemployment rate amongst its youth. They are idle; they have no jobs, survive on handouts from their parents and the government, and party from Tuesday to Saturday…” 

…and have loads of unencumbered sex. Because that’s what disaffected youth do. Access to “reproductive freedom” enables them to perpetuate this type of existence (Spain recently relaxed it’s abortion laws). Once again it can be seen how these “freedoms” mutate a society from something healthy into something deformed. If Spain’s old people are OK right now, it’s because they had much stricter policies about abortion when the parents of the youth Bruno mentions were youth themselves (or perhaps it was altogether illegal – Spain has been something of a holdout concerning abortion). When the cycle of lower birth rate catches up with Spain, the old people will be in big trouble, just as they are elsewhere. 

We are hardwired to crave procreation: it is nature’s* way of ensuring that the human race will continue for perpetuity. In craving procreation we crave union with the opposite sex, physically and in the human bonding of our primary relationship – marriage. Conversely, we crave sexual unity because we crave procreation, not simply pleasure; it’s much more profound than that. This is what hedonists depend on; others will take care of the business of the world as we know it continuing while they party. We have debased something profound and essential to humanity. 

We are also hardwired for worship, hard as that is to believe anymore. To help understand, our young people must develop a deep interest in history and religion on their own – they must educate themselves. Difficult as it is to accept they must realize that they have been severed from their past through mass public education, with emphasis on social studies rather than civics and history. They have been taught that history started with the “greatest generation” of WWII ( it was good but not great in an historical sense – probably a newscaster isn’t the best judge of this). They must understand the development of civilization from Egypt, the Greeks and Romans, through the Middle Ages and the Renaissance and the French Revolution. They must understand that was religion absolutely fundamental all through these times, that the great civilizations had at their core religious belief. They must contemplate deeply why religion has been removed from their schools and their lives, when every great civilization in history had religion at it’s core. And they must ask themselves honestly if we are better off as a people without it. If they have no interest in history and religion, they have no interest in themselves.

*God’s

David writes:

Laura wrote:

“The last sentence, in particular, is nonsense. So indeed, that world would have been “fine,” at least as far as I’m concerned.

How can the world be fine from your perspective, if you don’t even exist?”

It is fine from my perspective here, in this world. And it is fine only in a negative sense; I have no negative feelings about it because I have no feelings whatsoever.

Mary wrote:

He contradicts himself often; he trys to employ logic but he doesn’t truly understand it. When it is pointed out to him, he doesn’t explain his reasoning, he just moves on to a different subject.

By this sentence: “So the choice for the child is nonexistence or being raised by an adoptive couple, whatever risks of longing for biological parents that might incur…”

I am employing the logic of the anti-contraceptives, who seem to think any possible child should exist, to show your inconsistency. There is no contradiction for me; I am neutral to the existence or nonexistence of any possible child. It is fine for me if a homosexual couple does *not* arrange for a child to be born to one of them by donation; it is also fine if they do. It is the one who has an opinion one way or another that has a consistency problem.

Laura writes:

David now says he is “neutral” to the possible existence of any child when previously he said that a child who is unwanted by his parents should not exist. 

David writes:

Mary wrote:

When it is pointed out to him, he doesn’t explain his reasoning, he just moves on to a different subject.

Laura doesn’t post all of the responses I send.

Laura writes:

I’ve posted many of your comments and, as I explained to you in an e-mail, I would rather you give me a few coherent paragraphs that summarize your view then constantly take quotes out of the text, one-by-one, and rebut them. The latter makes for tedious reading. Rather than sending me a blizzard of unrelated objections to various statements by readers, give me an argument with quick references to the points made by others.

David writes:

Fine, I’ll try to adhere to your style, though it’s hard for me when I’m responding to particular points.

I’ve always been neutral as to the possible existence of any child. I’m pretty sure I never said that a child who is unwanted by his parents should not exist. Rather, I said that such a child is not likely to have a good upbringing, or at least not an ideal one. Also, for this child to exist, the parents would have to either be forced to have him, or would have to have him out of some moral obligation they feel towards having children. It is those things, the force or the feeling of obligation, that are wrong. The child’s existence by itself, were these hypthetical reluctant parents to have him anyway, is not immoral in and of itself.

As for which comments you post, I do not blame you for reposting all of them. But I do want to make it clear to Mary that she can’t assume that I can’t explain my reasoning after objections are posed just because she doesn’t see that reasoning posted here.

Laura writes:

Good.

No one forces people to have sexual relations. So the idea that a child would ever be forced on anyone is not worth entertaining. Also the possibility that contraceptives or contraceptive techniques will not always be at least somewhat available (let’s hope not as widely available as they are now) is extremely remote. In the near term, it’s more a question of attitudes and how those devices and pharmaceuticals will be viewed in the public mind. Today, they are viewed as good, which means that children are viewed as a burden and that childrearing is not considered a duty.

Your primary objection appears to be against this idea that childbearing should in any sense be considered a duty. You say it should be a matter of personal preference. Of course, one of the problems with this, aside from the civilizational issues raised by James P. above and the fact that society needs people to reproduce,  is that how can people prefer something they do not know. No one knows what it is going to be like to have any particular child. Contraception effectively blocks people from having what they may indeed want.

Many thousands of couples are trying to adopt children. Mandatory childrearing is not a likelihood any time soon given the people willing to do it for parents. Some couples go halfway around the world to find children because they are not being born close to home. Your sympathies lie entirely with those who may have children when they don’t want them and not with those who want children but cannot have them, often times because they have used contraception while they were fertile. Even if your goal was greater personal happiness in the world, your objections don’t hold water. You presume that children cause more hardship and suffering than they alleviate.

But I think we have already covered that ground.

Mary writes:

David S. wrote: “I am employing the logic of the anti-contraceptives, who seem to think any possible child should exist, to show your inconsistency…” 

What exactly is a “possible child”? I child wished for? A child already conceived? 

If by any possible child you mean conception has already occurred, then of course, the child’s life must be protected. Otherwise, you are, in fact, the one supporting any *possible* child, by supporting the extraordinary means necessary to provide a child to two people of the same sex who couldn’t possibly create one on their own. You are rooting for the life of an as-yet-to-be-created possible child but not for the lives of ones already created. You see, there is no neutral here. I think the inconsistency is yours.

A Grateful Reader writes:

David writes:

“Also, for this child to exist, the parents would have to either be forced to have him, or would have to have him out of some moral obligation they feel towards having children. It is those things, the force or the feeling of obligation, that are wrong.”

Au contraire. Feelings of obligation keep us morally well-balanced, and sometimes we must force those feelings upon ourselves when we are tempted to follow our baser desires. In fact, we are the only ones who can force any sort of feelings upon ourselves. If we do not try to do so, then we are slaves to our desires. That is true slavery. “Liberty is the freedom of self-control.” (I think the quote is by Joseph Pieper.) Indeed, ancient civilizations realized that happiness is not a goal to seek; rather, happiness is a result of living a virtuous life: thinking good thoughts, doing good actions (the result of thinking good thoughts) and appreciating what you are given, even if it be a burden.

 

 

 

 
 
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