OF ALL the I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening stories, this one takes the cake. I wish it was satire. I wish I could turn to you, reader, and say this is a spoof or a very dumb joke.

According to Stars and Stripes, a small number of male soldiers in the Army have been asked to simulate pregnancy, complete with fake breasts and distended bellies, in order to better empathize with the pregnant and post partum female soldiers they will be training. Seth Robson reports:

This week, 14 noncommissioned officers at Camp Zama took turns wearing the “pregnancy simulators” as they stretched, twisted and exercised during a three-day class that teaches them to serve as fitness instructors for pregnant soldiers and new mothers.

Army enlisted leaders all over the world are being ordered to take the Pregnancy Postpartum Physical Training Exercise Leaders Course, or PPPT, according to U.S. Army Medical Activity Japan health promotion educator Jana York.

Developed by the Army in 2008, the course includes aerobics classes, pool sessions and classroom studies on the physiology of pregnant women. The NCOs learn special exercises for pregnant women, who shouldn’t push themselves too hard or participate in high-impact activities such as snowboarding, bungee jumping or horse riding, York said.

During the training, each NCO must wear the pregnancy simulator for at least an hour.

“When they first come in, the males are typically timid and don’t feel they have the knowledge to teach female soldiers,” she said. “However, after three days their confidence rises.”

Our military is now one big experiment in transgenderism. The women are playing soldiers and the men are playing women playing soldiers. What’s next? Perhaps all officers will be ordered to wear lipstick and eyeshadow. That way they can understand what it’s like to be pretty.

It’s hard to say which is more absurd: that men are being asked to simulate pregnancy or that pregnant soldiers are in the military at all. Soldiers fight. Mothers nurture. They are different modes of being, eternally opposed. Our military is in the grip of mental illness. It is creating bad mothers and bad soldiers – at hideous expense. It is careening down the highway of modern sex role confusion with no brakes and mud in its eyes. It is committing suicide in full view of us all.

—- Comments —-

N.W. writes:

Be all you can be and then some, boys.

Pan Dora writes:

With regards to the pregnancy simulator the Army has elected to utilize, I call discrimination. If there are any female NCOs training to be fitness instructors that have not had a full-term pregnancy then they should have to suit up as well. The silliness of this exercise should have to be endured by all.

Sage McLaughlin writes:

Pan Dora’s comment is so incisive I wish I had thought of it, and you both should know I intend to steal it, use it without attribution, and bask in the approval that is rightly his. Wait…hers?

Anyway, what I like about it is that it reveals the sham for what it is. This exercise is not intended to instruct, but to humiliate. Else, why were only men selected? Particularly since pregnancy is now classified as a disease which no sensible woman should want and that all women should try to avoid until they’re ready (generally sometime in their 40’s, if they are smart), shouldn’t the basic assumption be that female instructors will have no experience with this unfortunate condition?

Of course, as is obvious, visibly pregnant women have absolutely no business going through basic (much less advanced) training in the U.S. military.

Diana writes:

Why stop there? Why not take this to its logical conclusion and administer female hormones to these guys, so that they actually grow breasts, feminine body fat, and lose their masculine body hair?

This is not rhetorical and I’m not joking. I’m quite serious. Nothing gives a guy the feeling of filling up a D cup like the real thing.

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