IN THIS interesting entry about interracial marriage and the movie Mississippi Masala, the reader Jane. S. described the racial dynamics in the film. She used the phrase, “race trumps everything” to explain the end result of the interactions between the movie’s African blacks and Indians. A reader was very upset by this particular comment. She interpreted it in a literal way to mean that there are no human loyalties or obligations that transcend race.

Jane, who was once married to a man from a different race, now explains her meaning, which was that race often trumps the very best intentions in marriage. She writes:

Mrs. Campbell seems quite upset about the phrase “race trumps everything” and wants to know what I mean by that. To be honest, I don’t know precisely, so I’ll go back to the place where I first used it.

The Indian attorney in Mississippi Masala is born and raised in Uganda, and considers it his beloved homeland; he spends his entire life in good relations with blacks, he has a black friend he loves like a brother. All that goes out the window in a heartbeat, and he and his family are deported, just because of their race. He is afraid that his daughter may find herself in a similar circumstance, if she marries a guy from another race. There is no point in saying things like that don’t happen; they already have.

I’ve said before, I’ve only ever met one man I wanted to marry, and he was of a completely different race/religion/culture/nationality. I met with plenty of disapproval over it, directly in my face. I did not care. I loved him, dammit. I do my share of upholding Western traditions. I don’t need anyone else arranging my choice of spouse.

During this time, I learned that few people have any firsthand experience with interracial relationships of any kind, let alone marriage. I have rarely met someone who has anything wise or insightful to say on the subject. Throaty perorations about people performing heroic acts for people from other races are useless.

People are tuned into members of their own tribe in a way that is unique, profound and everlasting. It’s hardwired into you. It can’t be imitated or learned or acquired. It helps enormously to have that working for you in a spousal relationship. Doing without it is like swimming upstream.

That’s why interracial marriages are the exception rather than the rule, because they’re extra hard work. The example of the assimilation of the Chinese Jews [mentioned by the reader Shefalia] shows how interracial marriage leads sooner or later to homogeneity and not more diversity.

Liberals don’t like being told there’s things about you that you can’t change. That’s why they go into fits if you say that race matters.

— Comments —-

Judithann Campbell writes:

It sounds as though Jane spoke without totally thinking through the implications of what she was saying; I have been guilty of doing the same thing. There is a world of difference between saying that race matters and saying that it “trumps everything.” I hope we can all agree that race does not trump everything.

Also, I would like to thank Laura for posting my comments and for accepting my apology. I disagree with The Thinking Housewife about many things, but I very much appreciate her willingness to post comments from people who disagree with her.

 Laura writes:

And I would like to thank Jane for sharing her insights on this issue.

It’s easy for people to become self-involved and never take the trouble to articulate the painful lessons they have learned. It takes a spirit of generosity to impart wisdom.

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