Honoring Mother and Wife
March 12, 2013
A READER recently sent the following quote from Father, the Family Protector by James Stenson. Except for his statement, “After God, Mom comes first,” which undercuts a father’s authority, Stenson makes important observations about the love and respect a man should show his wife:
[A] mother’s authority in the home, her ability to teach and lead, depends enormously on the her husband’s obvious respect and support for her. So a good father is above all a loving husband. He is a man who leads his children to love and honor their mother, his beloved wife. Where the children are concerned, he insists that they respect and serve her, exactly as he does. Every healthy family sets rules in place, some standards to direct the children’s attitudes and comportment. But the number one rule among smart, effective fathers is this: After God, Mom comes first.
In light of this, here are some questions to think about: How often, and in what ways, do your children see you show affection to your wife? Do they see you hug and kiss her, give her flowers or other little surprise gifts? Do they see you remember her birthday and your wedding anniversary, and celebrate these in a way she desires? Do you tell her, often, how much you love her? In your casual conversation with your children, do you sometimes remind them of what they see in your actions—that their mother is, in your estimation, the greatest woman in the world? Do you point out to your children her beauty, her courage and character, or her mastery in detail, her incredible stamina, her constant sacrificial love for the family? Do you show your kids that you are proud of her and consider her your best friend?
Are you sensitive to her needs? Do you make time to listen when she wants to talk, needs to talk? Do you ask her opinion and value it? Do you ask how you can help out around the home? Do you sense when she needs a rest, a break—and what do you do about it? Do you make clear to your daughters that their mother is a model for their future lives as women? Do you explain to your sons why their mother is the standard for the kind of woman they should seek someday in marriage? And if they succeed at this, as you did, they can count their lives as success?
Naturally, this list of questions works in reverse as well. That is, your wife’s signs of love and honor for you will enhance your authority as a father, even if—and especially if—you must work long hours away from home. Remember that marriage is not a 50‐50 proposition, a mere business deal, like a contract with a plumber. If you count on giving more than your receive—to weigh your wife’s needs and feelings more than your own—then you will be a great husband and father. When you show more love for your wife, on purpose and sincerely, you will see her return it to you in even fuller measure. (In fact, this might be happening, but you’ve failed to notice it.) The affectionate honor you and your wife show each other is more than half the task of raising your children well. After all, your long‐range ideal is they have solid marriages themselves. So every day, together with your wife, you teach your children what family life is really about—generous, self‐ sacrificing love.
The Father, the Family Protector, Stenson; ch. 6
—- Comments —-
Rich P. writes:
As a young man I attended one of Mr. Stenson’s seminars. These were focused on sports, study habits, and college preparation, but also included, along with daily Mass and the Rosary, were talks on the nature of manhood. Jim would tell us, “A man’s job is to stand in the door of his family’s home and tell the world to go away.” His guidance and investment had a strong impact on me as a teenager. I was also lucky enough to read my father’s copy of Father, the Family Protector, as a high schooler. Though it’s aimed at married men, reading about the staggering responsibility shouldered by a husband and father awoke in me a realization that I would have to begin preparing for this role immediately, with serious effort. The idea of rising to the challenge was thrilling and terrifying, like all great adventures are. I hope more men and women, and young men in particular, read this book.
Laura writes:
That’s an important point. A man is prepared for fatherhood long before he becomes a father — or he is not prepared at all.
