DAVID writes:

I must thank you profusely for your insightful posts. The interracial marriage discussions are of particular interest to me as a product of miscegenation. My father is a Jew and my mother Chinese. I am a college-age male living at home and my parents have been fighting recently with the looming threat of divorce. They mostly argue when they think I cannot hear, but their voices carry through the walls.

In one argument my mother accused my father of being a racist who doesn’t care about Chinese culture. He accused her in turn of only marrying him out of rebellion, not love. Both are probably correct to a certain degree.

My grandparents sent my uncle to convince my mother not to marry my father and none of her family attended their wedding. My mother was a careerist, an executive for the telephone company, and my father has told me they would often fight when my sister and I were children because she was neglecting her role as a nurturer. I am not close to my relatives on either side and my sister is a card-carrying feminist. Consequently, I feel my father is the only real family I have. My father has also confided that he wanted more children, but my mother wanted to wait, so they could not.

My sister and I were born when my parents were in their thirties and successive attempts at procreation failed. He has made it my duty to give him enough grandchildren to make up for his failure, especially considering my sister does not want children. He has even told me not to marry someone like my mother, but someone much sweeter.

Miscegenation has resulted in the gift of intelligence for me and I have no self loathing. Still I would not recommend it to anyone. Any future marriage and children I have will be products of miscegenation by default. After experiencing life with my mother and sister, I am greatly considering expatriating to find a wife. I want a family to provide meaning to my work, but more importantly better prospects for a future heir. In Western societies women prefer below average men. If I were to go to China there would be issues of the one-child policy, not for me, but for my progeny. If I were to go to Malaysia my children would be subject to corporal punishment in schools. Vietnam is an option. But the best woman I have known, the one who got away, was a Polish immigrant classmate. She was very intelligent and devoutly Catholic. She wrote poetry and would teach me sign language and the genus/species names of animals. Eastern Europe is a consideration, but Latin America has been my main focus recently. If I am lucky enough to find a compatible country to start a family, I will advise any son to marry a local girl, like his mother.

For more insight on the reasons for interracial marriage I will present my own hypothesis for my father. His favorite artist is Paul Gauguin. He has a poor relationship with his own mother, so he saw women of his own race in a negative light. Instead he longed for a woman like Gauguin’s Polynesian muses and found a suitable Oriental substitute. My mother has retained her beauty in age, but my parents nevertheless have an existential incompatibility of values. My father fell in love with an image and failed to see that it merely masked the type of woman he wished to avoid.

Thank you again for your posts. I will continue following your blog with interest.

—- Comments —

Lisa writes:

David’s story confirms for me what a college classmate, who was half black and half Japanese, confided to me nearly thirty years ago. He uttered some of the saddest, most hopeless words I have ever heard: “Whom can I marry and where can we live so that my children do not have to go through the agony that my brother and I have endured?”

Diana writes:

David’s words made me think of Amy Chua of “Tiger Mom” infamy. It was as if David translated the thoughts that occurred to me when I was reading her book into the most articulate words possible.

Chua is an attractive, narcissistic Chinese woman married to a handsome, narcissistic Jewish man (he is a former actor) in rebellion against his narcissistic, “artsy” mother. Their marriage succeeds because it is a marriage of truly compatible types: both are intense narcissists who appear to leave each other alone much of the time. Their mating has produced two very functional little products in the form of daughters, who seem to be working out beautifully for our intensely narcissistic age. The main difference between the two is that Chua’s narcissism is entwined with Chinese chauvinism (yes, despite her marriage to a non-Chinese), whereas her husband is in honest, full flight from his Jewish identity.

With consideration, I offer the following additional thoughts.

David is a sensitive and incredibly bright young man. A “good catch,” as we used to say. Like all of us, he plays the cards he was dealt, and I hope that in time, he’ll learn to play his cards to his advantage. I am familiar with the expat mentality, and I think that expats are perpetual spiritual orphans. However bad things are here, I doubt he’ll find a home elsewhere. But of course, I can’t tell David what to do or think, but I hope he makes a home here in the U.S.

His insight about the Polish woman is spot-on. Perhaps he can look for a Polish lady here. The Polish people are proud of their identity, and deeply spiritual. Then why do they move abroad? Unfortunately the economic situation in Poland is bad, and the economy simply cannot accommodate all of their bright, educated youth.

Polish women are beautiful and unlike so many of us Americans, have the gift of combining formidable intellect with femininity. Other Eastern European women are beautiful too, but in their case, looks are deceptive. Russians, Ukrainians, Moldovans, etc., have a huge proportion of gold-diggers and opportunists in their ranks. If David moves to one of the poor countries of Eastern Europe, how will he know that the woman loves him – or his American nationality? This is something to think about.

If he marries a Polish expatriate woman, he’ll have to deal with her state of orphanhood, as referred to above. No one is perfect. We do the best we can. David would be lucky to marry a beautiful, educated Polish woman. And she would be lucky too.

Paul S. writes:

My father is an American-born Eastern European Jew; my mother is a Kalmyk (Buddhist of Mongolian descendent) born in Serbia. I am 100 percent American. I believe in Judaism and in conservatism and the principals Dennis Prager refers to as the American trinity. I also believe in the value of identity as described by author Natan Sharansky in Defending Identity: Its Indispensable Role in Protecting Democracy.

In Defending Identity, Sharansky presents nationalism and religious commitment as a “force for good,” not merely an ideology of evil. “Strong identities are as valuable to a well-functioning society as they are to … well-functioning individuals.” He writes that “without identity, a democracy becomes incapable of defending the values it holds most dear.”

As to my wife she is from Moscow, Russia and we have three beautiful girls. Life is a blessing. Best of luck and remember, you are half your father and half your mother.  You must love them both in order to love your self. God bless.

Anonymous writes:

“David would be lucky to marry a beautiful, educated Polish woman.”

Perhaps. This reminded me of a news article I read some years ago concerning an American man recovering from his Polish wife’s attempt to murder him. Maybe she wasn’t one of the educated ones or she might have succeeded.

“The grass is greener on the other side” view abounds though. Perhaps they haven’t lived long enough to know other Americans, men and women, who have been used and divorced in marriages to foreigners. I was reading that in one country, foreign men are called “plane tickets.” I have a relative who was essentially that. His wife married him only to get into this country. They divorced.

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