AT his blog Upon Hope, the Australian Mark Moncrieff writes:

[W]e see all around us a world in which people who are in the prime of life are lonely. Not for a short time or because of some unfortunate circumstance, but in what seems a permanent state of affairs. The most worrying aspect is that it seems to affect every social class and both sexes. You yourself may be lonely, I bet that you know someone who is. Someone who in theory is in the prime of life, with quirks but nothing seriously wrong with them, in other words a perfectly normal person.

Why is loneliness such a large factor in modern life?

One major reason, in my view, is that radical equality creates sameness and homogeneity. When the vital distinctions between people disappear, they become indifferent to each other and alienated in deep and fundamental ways. Furthermore, the worship of speed and energy and the idol of busy-ness create no time for spontaneity and informal connection.

— Comments —

Mary writes:

Laura wrote:

Furthermore, the worship of speed and energy and the idol of busy-ness create no time for spontaneity and informal connection.

“The idol of busy-ness” – how apt. I was pondering busy-ness just the other day. It’s directly tied to usefulness. I agree that meaningless busy-ness, inconsequential busy-ness done for it’s own sake, can lead to loneliness and definitely contributes to depression. A feeling of usefulness is necessary to happiness.

Many mothers in my area are constantly running; it’s usually running their children from one activity to the next, everyday after school, sometimes on the weekends, always on Saturday and often on Sunday. I have heard these women’s schedules recited as if they have no choice in the matter, in a faux complaining way but really with pride: I am busy therefore I am useful; I am needed, relevant and making a contribution. The pride they feel is normal and healthy the sense that they are instinctively answering the call of our culture; they naturally expect that in return it will sustain them. That is their right and in another age it would do this very thing. It will not today because it can not, for since our culture asks nothing meaningful of us except to consume, it can provide nothing meaningful in return.

This is the modern condition, for when an easy alternative is available it’s tempting to take advantage of it: dinner can be take-out or out of a box; with a quick zip of the vacuum and loading of the dishwasher the house looks decent. If we’re never home anyway homecooked meals and kitchen gardens, sparkling windows and reading together around the fire aren’t missed. We’re exhausted anyway after running around all day so TV, that hopelessly insipid pastime, that killer of conversation and benumber of minds, fills in the gaps. Then we wake up the next day and do it again. It is a prescription for depression, disatisfaction and, of course, loneliness.

Laura writes:

As Father Seraphim Rose said, nihilism expresses itself  in its advanced stages in “Vitalistic” activity. Busy-ness is a form of escape — “an escape from boredom, from meaninglessness, and most profoundly from the emptiness that takes possession of the heart that has abandoned God.” When one is surrounded by people who are busy, doing nothing can be terrifying. And heroic.

There is a distinction between being occupied and being busy.

I agree that TV is the counterpoint to busy-ness. Extreme activity calls for extreme passivity.

Fred Owen writes:

There is no social cure for loneliness. If it is endemic to certain times and certain situations, then so what?

I am not lonely because I am an interesting person and people like me.

If you are lonely, it’s your own fault.

I learned this when I worked as nursing aide taking care of old people. The nice people, the friendly ones, the kind who had a generous spirit and a fresh outlook on things, no matter how sick they were and no matter how disgusting their wounds — then those old people were not lonely, because people enjoyed their company, including the nursing staff.

But we stayed away from the whiners and gave them minimal professional care.

Feeling sorry for yourself because you are lonely? That attitude is guaranteed to worsen the problem.

Laura writes:

I agree that self-pity makes things worse, that some people bring loneliness on themselves and that ultimately all loneliness is an illusion —  we are never truly alone.

However, the pain of disconnection and rootlessness is not always self-imposed. I know a widow in her 90’s who is sociable and very pleasant, but she is lonely living by herself. She cannot go out often because she is too frail. Her neighbors mostly ignore her. Younger women may feel loneliness at home because there are so few other women around. That is not their fault. People move around often and end up in places where they have few connections. Not everyone is an extrovert or can be an extrovert. Loneliness is like other forms of pain. If it cannot be cured, it must be endured. It is best to feel the pain, not run away. No suffering is in vain.

Karen I. writes:

Pets can alleviate loneliness quite a bit. One does not have to look far to find a homeless animal that would love to keep a lonely person company. In my case, a beautiful stray cat simply followed me home one bitterly cold day. The last thing I needed at the time was a cat, and I could have closed the door on her, but I didn’t. That was seven years ago. Since then, she has been my shadow.

I don’t think pets can take the place of people, of course. But my days at home when the kids are in school seem less lonely with the cat underfoot. I have seen lonely people blossom when they get a pet. One elderly neighbor of mine who had sunk into a depression due to health issues made an amazing turnaround after she got a little bird that talked. Her face lit up when she talked about her bird. A middle age woman I know, who seemed lonely, made new friends in her neighborhood when she got a dog and began taking it out for daily walks.

Many animals in shelters these days are victims of the economy. They are former family pets, sometimes pedigrees, who have lost their home to foreclosures and other sad situations. Animals like that are already well socialized and make excellent companions.

Hannon writes:

Mr. Moncrieff writes:

I agree with your thoughts on the issue, the androgynous society that is being pushed is hated by both sexes. But it’s a bit like advertising: most people believe themselves to be unaffected by it while noticing that others follow it slavishly. I also think you made a very good point that there are different types of loneliness.

The others commenters have also made valid suggestions to help alleviate loneliness, but my point is that this is both a personal and a systemic problem. Liberalism encourages loneliness, to give an example I have met single women who are successful in their careers but lonely. They have walked into a trap where by their greatest success also becomes their greatest failure as it stops them from forming lasting romantic relationships. Why? Because they are competing with men. They cannot see it and many believe their loneliness it to be a personal failure.

But to use a computer analogy, loneliness isn’t a bug of liberalism, something wrong with the system, it’s a feature, something that has been designed to work that way.

 Laura writes:

Excellent.

You are absolutely right.

Another example of how loneliness is built into liberalism is birth control. Many people are lonely in old age because they had few or no children. And many women don’t have time for the friendships that were once the focal point of their lives.

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