KAY writes:

I have quietly read your blog for awhile. I have found many stories that resonate with me and have helped me to realize that I am not some weird throwback to a different time. I would like to share a very long story about two girls raised in the same family. The first girl is regularly told about white privilege and how lucky she is. The second girl is told her problems are a result of racism. They are even told these things by the same members of the family they share. Neither is told her place in the world was dictated by the choices she has made and even the choices of her parents.

The first girl was raised by both parents, who were also raised by both of their parents. The mother was a liberal teacher who felt multiculturalism was so very important. The father was a conservative who thought races shouldn’t mix. The girl was raised hearing both sides of the story, but was well aware her father would be disappointed if she married outside her race. The girl did not grow up with much money but there was always food and adequate shelter. The girl was basically a good girl although as a teen she experimented with sex, drugs, and other things she was told not to do. At 16, the girl’s father passed away. At 17, the girl moved into a fraternity house with her white boyfriend because there was no one to stop her. Despite wild parties and late nights, the boyfriend kicked her out of bed every morning and sent her to school.

A few short months after her high school graduation, the girl found herself pregnant. When she asked the boyfriend what they were going to do about it, he replied, “I guess we will get married. My child isn’t going to be a bastard.” He claimed the child before it was even born. He didn’t say, “It’s your body, do what you want.” He dropped out of college; they moved into a tiny apartment, and he took a job working nights. At 18 and 21, they married, a couple months later they were parents. When the baby was four months old, the father was deployed to Kuwait. At 19, while the girl’s friends were partying and living it up she was a stay-at-home mom raising a baby and sending care packages to a husband in another country. When he came home they bought a modest house and he went back to his old job. He worked his way up from the bottom on night shift to being manager. She continued to stay home and raise their children. He caught the eye of other bigger companies because of his work ethic. His work ethic came from having a wife and children who were his responsibility. Her husband’s job allowed the girl to stay home and raise her own children. Being at home meant she could be there to help their children with homework, volunteer in their schools, and lead their scouting groups. The girl is now a confident woman. Despite a rocky start, the little family is strong and happy.

The other girl was raised by her mother and a father who came and went. When the father was gone the mother dated other men. Since the father was gone a lot, the mother was able to receive welfare assistance. When the girl’s mother actually had a job she was left in the care of her grandmother, who had also been a single mother, or her older half-siblings. During high school, the girl pushed herself to get good grades. Her family teased her and called her a goody goody. After high school she went to college to get a law degree. She began dating a black boy. The family gave her grief, but she ignored them. Three years into college she dropped out. Shortly after, the boyfriend cheated on her. She began a “friends-with-benefits” relationship with another black boy. The girl got pregnant. They chose not to marry and he left the decision about the baby up to her. He joined the military. The girl was on her own to raise a biracial baby. The girl struggled to get the boy to pay any support for his child. The girl began to get welfare assistance. Sometimes the girl would leave her baby with his grandmother so she could go out because she was lonely. One night, while the baby was still young, the girl met a Hispanic boy. They began dating. He was an illegal immigrant who had been here on his own since he was 13. He alternated between working in Mexican restaurants and doing migrant field work. The girl soon found herself pregnant again. They couldn’t get married because he was in the country illegally. Six months after the baby was born, the girl found herself alone again because the boyfriend decided to go back to migrant farm work so he could send money back to his mother in Mexico. The girl is now alone, raising two kids in diapers, both children are of mixed heritage. Her prospects for a mate are slim. She is angry at the world and blames the system for the things wrong in her life. The girl works odd hours while paying college kids to raise her children. Without assistance her children will go without many things. Things don’t look as good for this little family.

These girls were raised in the same family. They are cousins and best friends. They are only two years apart in age. They spent many nights as children, huddled under the blankets, whispering about their futures. They went to the same schools, hung out at the same places. They even look alike. Despite the many similarities in them as children, the differences between the girls are very obvious. The differences between the girls will likely be passed on to their own children and a whole new generation will thrive or suffer for the decisions of their parents. But instead the children of the first girl will be told they only succeed because of white privilege and they will be made to feel guilty for their success. The children of the second girl will be told racism is holding them back and taught that despite any hard work, they will never reach their full potential because of their heritage, so why even try?

This is the world we live in. I am the first girl. I am considered racist and unkind for pointing these things out. My cousin is pitied, but nobody stepped up anywhere along the way to show her where she was going wrong. When I was young I hated all my father’s rules, but now as a mother I’m grateful because he saved not only myself but also my children a lot of grief.

—- Comments —

Mrs. H. writes:

Kay was very fortunate she had two stable men in her life–her father and husband, even if it seemed she secured the latter accidentally. There are many, many white boys I know who would not have taken the higher road, as her husband did, probably because of pressure from their families.

Alissa writes:

Apologies if this is a rant or if I have offended any sensibilities. My experience may be different because I’m from a different place (foreign country) and a different heritage. I’m also generalizing.

On the female cousin who has two children with mixed raced heritage, I would advise for her to go to Mexico and maybe find a man there (on the same plane as her) if she can. It would be better if her children assimilated in working- to middle-class mestizo Spanish-speaker Mexican norms, rather than African-American norms. [Laura writes: It is unrealistic to expect that this single mother who is dependent on government welfare would move far from family to a foreign country.]

Now, I don’t know the sexes of the mixed children the female cousin has had, but here is an important point that I want to stress. If one of the biracial children is female, then she’s toast in this country.

I say this, frankly, because as a foreign biracial woman who has lived and traveled in different African countries, my personal experience is that the U.S.A. has a different vibe when it comes to mixed raced women.

Biracial women in the U.S.A. are hunted down by the darkest black African men.

Apparently, here in the U.S.A. biracial women are their “prizes” and see as some “high yella” chick.  Hollywood movies, television shows and the entire cultural and political plane there is running amuck with this. It’s repulsive and was probably the extension of the “one drop rule,” the banning of interracial marriage, the lack of a caste system and social dysfunction.

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