REPRESENTATIVES of major pizza chains have contacted me today to say they have heard that I am not accepting advertising. They have also noticed that I have not yet made my fundraising goal. They think it’s a big mistake to reject ads at this crucial juncture. They say studies show that my readers are part of the cheap mozzarella demographic and would benefit from seeing photos of pepperoni, sausage and white rubber while lamenting the downfall of civilization. Hard to believe, I say, as the two activities seem intrinsically opposed. But they say that I just don’t understand the psychology of advertising. Pizza photos satisfy deep human yearnings. Everyone benefits from seeing melted cheese. Everyone.

But wouldn’t I be violating cherished principles? Wouldn’t I be selling my soul if I took ads from Little Caesars or Hungry Howie’s Pizza and Subs? Astute readers might even accuse me of hypocrisy. It’s a terrible ethical dilemma. Aristotle said we must do things at the right time, in the right way, and for the right purpose. Easy for him to say. Sometimes principles are so darn expensive.

If you would rather not see this site become a part of the Pizza-Industrial Complex, please donate. I have made great progress toward my goal of keeping this site alive.

— Comments —

Joe A. writes:

The hidden secret to pizza’s success is the scrumptious amount of “natural MSG” (glutamic acid) found in the tomato sauce and parmesan cheese.

Our family business deals in industrial food ingredients and would be happy to donate a few pounds of it for a fund raising auction. Sprinkle liberally on broccoli and watch it disappear. Yum!

Laura writes:

Wow, thanks.

Hannon writes:

The presence of advertising on your site would doubtless be a detraction. But I have an idea. Your page background is stark white– what if it were replaced by a pallid and subtle wallpaper of abstract pizza and company name motifs? It could be made to look more like a rococo design at a glance, though having some control over design production could get unwieldy quickly. Just an idea.

There are some interesting designs on this search page:

A reader writes:

For what it’s worth I would, if necessary, be willing to overlook the rudest, most ostentatious pizza ads for the privilege of further enlightenment from your prose. Being a divorcé (forgive me, I know that word is almost as frowned upon as “pizza” at The Thinking Housewife) the advantages of life without the presence of the fairer sex, while quite real, tend not be found in the kitchen, therefore I am forced to accept a far humbler (if quicker) notion of nourishment so that, indeed, even a Sam’s Club frozen Supreme Pizza Thin Crust can be enjoyed. While this fact no doubt consigns me to the very subbasement of culinary barbarism, it does have the virtue of proving how completely you can depend on me to neither feel, exhibit, nor express the slightest prejudice against any pizza ad you might decide to display (indeed, I might actually buy one — well, it’s cheaper than Match.com anyway). : – )

Laura writes:

Thank you.

“The advantages of life without the fairer sex?” Hmm. I can’t think of a single one. : – )

Look, you need to get the hell out of the frozen pizza aisle. If you have no decent small stores, go to the grocery store and buy a baguette, some mozzarella, a tomato and some packaged, pre-washed spinach. In many stores, these things are not very high quality but I assure you they are far better than the ingredients in your Supreme Thin Crust Pizza. Take them home and slice the tomato, put it with the sliced cheese on the baguette and broil it for five minutes. Put a little olive oil and salt on the spinach and then put it on the baguette. There you have a very easy pizza! You need to understand one thing: Sam’s Club doesn’t care a dime about you. Food has a spiritual quality. Sam’s Club does not produce food. It produces simulacra of food.

If worse comes to worse, don’t eat at all. Or buy a couple of hard-boiled eggs at the convenience store.

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