The Innate Power of Women
February 21, 2014
PETE F. writes:
In “Women’s Hockey: Not So Equal After All,” Mary wrote:
“In those “old fashioned” marriages husbands have a deep respect and an abiding tenderness for their wives, not because their wives are like them but precisely because they are not: they allow men access to the other half of life, they complement them. Is all of this perfect? Of course not. And of course there are areas of overlap, but especially today young women should take care not to lose their softness or refinement, which will always be attractive to good men and will in turn refine them. Now more than ever those qualities are needed and men don’t generally have them.”
Mary, your point is very well-taken.
Men are naturally barbaric; left to their own devices, many males are perfectly happy to live in relative squalor (Those disinclined to believe this are urged to hang out with a young single guy sometime). What prevents this from happening? In the traditional societies of the past, both the father and the mother (as well as other relatives and respected figures in the community) had important roles to play in civilizing boys and turning them into men.
It was the job of a father, an older brother, or perhaps a priest, drill instructor or coach to teach the boy what behavior and conduct was expected of him as a man. The mother’s role was just as vital, but different. Her job was to educate and civilize her son – not only by teaching him how a gentleman conducts himself around a lady, but by providing a comforting home and exposure to the things such as culture, manners, and all of the other habits great and small that comprise civilized behavior. Grace, beauty, decorum, kindness and all of the things that comfort us – these are the things that turn a house into a home, and into a refuge from a sometimes cold world outside that front door. Only a mother or a wife can provide those things.
When young men are mortally-wounded and are dying far from home on some foreign battlefield, their last words and thoughts are usually of their mothers (or their sweethearts) and their home. Men will suffer almost any privation or hardship to protect these things, and there is no crueler blow to a man than to deprive him of the safety, comfort and sanctuary of a home.
It is astonishing to me that so few young women are aware of the enormous power they hold as keepers of the home, hearth and family. These things are the very basis of civilization. If one wishes to understand the tremendous ennui and dispiritedness of modern men, one could do much worse than to note the rejection by so many women of this role. For a man, there is little point in going out and taking on the world if you don’t have a happy home waiting for you at the end of the day. If women want their men to be great again, they will have to restore this missing piece of our civilization first; everything depends on it.
— Comments —
James N. writes:
I’m reminded of this dialogue between Frodo and Sam, at the end of Lord of the Rings, believing their deaths are certain:
Frodo: “I can see the Shire. The Brandywine river. Bag End. Gandalf’s fireworks, the lights, the party tree.”
Sam: “Rosie Cotton dancing. She had ribbons in her hair. If ever I was to marry someone, it would have been her. It would have been her.”
Frodo: “I’m glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee, here at the end of all things.”
This is man’s deepest longing: a girl who knows to put ribbons in her hair. For him.
Dan R. writes:
I just learned that this coming spring the small private school my children graduated from will be performing the musical “Guys and Dolls.” With the title song playing in my head, it quickly dawned upon me that in the sense of present-day culture the song is practically irrelevant, yet in the 1940s (the decade in which I was born) and several decades beyond, it very clearly spoke to “the innate power of women,” underscored by the dicey characters portrayed in the musical.
Today, of course, “a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” The goal is the woman in the business suit, and worse yet, woman as warrior (having recently been extended to the actual battlefield). Sports are an explicit example of the latter, and in particular the the so-called sport of woman’s bodybuilding, where woman strive to attain physiques whose degree of muscularity is possible only through the use of synthetic testosterone derivatives (in a private conversation, a leading figure in the field, a man, dubbed the very women he promoted as “mini-men”).
With some schools still putting on shows like “Guys and Dolls,” maybe there’s hope. And woman’s bodybuilding is barely surviving. Here are the lyrics to the title song from one of the most popular musicals in theater history, now part of a bygone era.
Paul writes:
Pete again hit the nail on the head. Most men are naturally barbaric. We need our mothers to teach us how to become civilized and how to treat women. Ma did not do it by preaching. She did it by getting us into good public and, later, Catholic schools and by example.
Her example was she did not put up with bullying from my Daddy. Like his Pop (Papou to us grandchildren), Daddy was generous and kind, but marriages are not perfect. One example of Ma’s response to bullying is her throwing Daddy’s plate of spaghetti dinner up against the wall. She left him to clean it up, which he did. (Of course she served mine, which she knew was my favorite food—my Daddy’s mother was of Sicilian heritage.)
Ma still lives and was similar to a tough hombre. The result is a male who heard from women as a young man that he was a gentleman and who hears it while he is older.
Men are willing to “live in relative squalor.” So true. I telework in my underwear, for example. Maybe I will put on sweatpants if it is cold. Other examples of squalor would detract from credibility.
My Daddy, brother, and I would have been perfectly happy living in a fishing camp (which I intend to do when I retire). I suppose I could have ended up on one of the several Louisiana reality programs hunting alligators, which are extremely dangerous but can be caught by hand at night, actually.
But Ma would have none of that foolishness. Ma insisted on nice neighborhoods, and we moved often because she was constantly trying to improve. So I know my area better than cab drivers. (Just three weeks ago, I had to explain to a cabbie how to get my home. I was impressed by his Cop engine and suspension: 140 mph on the dash, which is probably not the maximum. They buy ex-Cop cars down here.)
To further support Pete’s post, yes Daddy’s are supposed to teach their boys toughness. My ex-Marine Daddy surely did.
And Pete is right that women seem ignorant of the personal power they have and of the desire of men to have a home that includes a woman. Men, and all humans, want a home to return to. Just because a few men have not yet been blessed with the right woman is not evidence that the desire does not exist. I could testify.
