The New Mass, CCD and an Exhausted Mother
February 17, 2015
A MOTHER writes from New Mexico:
I am Catholic and I understand you don’t believe in the post-Vatican II church. Do you take your children to mass? Do they do CCD classes through a local parish? Should I attend these masses? Also I would like your advise on what you think of the Church’s rule of being open to life. I am 28 years old and have four children ages eight, four, two, and four months. I’m not sure I should have any more. I am constantly tired and don’t have family nearby to help. I would appreciate your thoughts. Thank you.
Laura writes:
The New Mass is the foundation of a new religion. Or, better yet, it is the foundation of a pseudo-religion. For there is only one religion on earth and that is the Catholic religion. The Vatican II Church is a form of Protestantism.
Read the Ottaviani Intervention, written by Alfredo Cardinal Ottaviani and a group of theologians in 1969. See videos on the liturgical changes here and here. Read Michael Davies on the subject of Communion in the hand. Read the Rev. Anthony Cekada’s Work of Human Hands and Dr. Carol Byrne on the democratization of the liturgy.
This is not primarily about aesthetics or an ancient language. It’s about theology. The theology of the New Mass is different. The Catholic faith is a whole. Take part of it away and it is no longer the Catholic faith. The New Mass is a Protestant supper, not the mystical Sacrifice of the Immemorial Mass.
As for catechizing children, the Church’s traditional rituals, pageantry and festivals, with their candlelight, banners, prayers and processions, appealed to children through the imagination and through their natural sense of wonder. They were effective teaching tools. Though our two children, who are now in their twenties, attended the New Mass and went to CCD, I can’t in good conscience recommend either and believe it is the duty of lay Catholics to resist this liturgical and theological revolution. CCD reduces the glorious mysteries of the Catholic faith to banalities in workbooks. It was pretty dreadful when I was young and it is dreadful now. You have no obligation to send your children to CCD as the popes have always affirmed the primacy of the parent as teacher of the Faith.
Here is some generally good advice as to what to do now and how to build a Catholic life that does not revolve around the New Mass or CCD. I realize it is not easy advice and may involve not going to Mass at all on many Sundays. Many of us have been attached either to the New Mass or to the traditional diocesan Latin masses. Those emotional attachments are not the most important thing. The deposit of Faith is the most important thing.
Regarding family size, let me just say a few things. You and your husband should not agonize about this. Pray for help, but don’t frustrate your ability to have children. Just obey. Don’t be a control freak. [I’m sorry, I don’t mean you are a control freak. I mean only that we are so encouraged to be in control of this matter because of the widespread acceptance of contraception and all the pressures of modern family life. We are made into control freaks.] In 20 years, and possibly much sooner, you will be past your child-bearing years and may very well have another 40 years in front of you with none of the challenges of young children. These years will fly by. In the meantime, simplify life as much as possible. Are you trying to be involved in too many activities? Large families can’t be like the Busy Nuclear Family in which every child is enrolled in many activities. Schools with all their demands also can make things worse.
Put aside a two-hour period every day during the daytime when your children are required to remain quiet and in one place while you sit and relax. You need that time off. Are you teaching the older children to help? In a few years, they all should be doing a lot of work around the house. It takes discipline and concentration for you to make demands on them and teach them how to be of help, but the effort will pay off and you will have lots of co-workers in the years ahead. In old age, you can rest on your laurels.
Family life requires heroism, but God won’t give you more than you can handle. You and your husband are creating life. You are made for this great adventure.
—- Comments —
Mrs. T. writes:
I am writing in response to the young exhausted mother from New Mexico.
Take heart! I too am a young mother with four small children ages 7, 5, 3 and 11 months. All boys. And let me tell you, my three-year-old is a handful! Some of the antics he pulls are cringe worthy. He is the first one awake each morning and rarely naps, which means he keeps me on my toes for over 12 hours a day. Combined with homeschooling, the day-to-day care of running a household, animals to care for, etc., it’s enough to send a woman running to the hills.
However this isn’t about me and I am not sharing in order to gain pity, but to let you know you are not alone. We are in the “dark days” of parenting, not to sound dramatic. What I mean is, our children are very young and very dependent upon us. So when four littles need you at once, it’s overwhelming to the point of driving you to tears. You wonder how in the world can I possibly do everything I am supposed to do and provide my children the attention they need? Then guilt can set in. And it starts to gnaw at you, making you wonder if it is unfair of you to bring another child into the world. That you couldn’t possibly be a good mother to one more. Don’t entertain those thoughts. The devil is positively gleeful when the mother, the heart of the home, is filled with doubt and despair. In those dark moments, turn to Our Lady. She suffered terribly, more so than we could ever imagine. Pray to her, ask her for guidance. Pray the rosary daily if you can. All will be right in the world if you make this a habit.
That being said, your children are old enough to help. May I suggest visiting the blog Like Mother, Like Daughter? Auntie Leila’s wisdom has been a tremendous help to me. I stumbled upon her site while I was pregnant with my fourth and in a pitiful state, feeling overwhelmed and terribly emotional. Her advice is practical and down to earth. There is everything from laundry organization, chores for children, nursing to naturally space children, and spiritual matters. Highly recommended.
Laura writes:
Thank you for the excellent suggestions, especially praying the rosary.
But please don’t call what you are going through the “dark days” of parenthood!
It is an amazing amount of work and very exhausting what you are doing, but despite all the work, those are the bright days, the luminous days, the sparkling days, the enchanted days of parenthood.
You cannot fully appreciate now how your whole consciousness is lit up from within — even in times of crisis and exhaustion — by the company of children.
Sophia writes:
I’m not yet a mother and don’t have many siblings, so I don’t know exactly how taxing it can be, but I find this woman’s comment that she is “constantly tired” to be somewhat abnormal. I’m looking at this from a perspective of physical health and am biased as I myself have dealt with fatigue for years (I’m just 21) and only saw it subside a bit when I temporarily became very active, though my sleep was terrible. Actually, my sleep has been terrible for the last near two years, so I’ve been considering that I have hypothyroidism. This is linked to iodine deficiency, and I have been experiencing some on and off relief lately, which I think is due to me now eating seaweed daily.
Forgive me for sounding as though I’m only rambling about myself: I have a point. I don’t know much about this woman’s life, but I thought I would give her something to consider. My fiancé’s mother homeschooled her three children in an isolated village (until their father died, after which they went to private school) with no help (his father was a pilot), and she experienced constant exhaustion. It was only after they were all relatively grown that she learned she has hypothyroidism. She now takes medication that she is really attached to because of how it’s helped her. I’m seeking a more holistic path through diet first.
I will pray for this woman to continue strongly, acknowledging the beauty and duty of Matrimony (which means motherhood).
Karen writes:
Your suggestions to the exhausted mother were very good, but I would like to add one more. She should see a good doctor to rule out a medical issue.
It is not unheard of for mothers to develop transient or even permanent thyroid problems after having a baby. It happened to me after I had my second child and the fatigue was terrible. Other issues like nutritional deficiencies can happen after childbirth. Even among those who are not new mothers, Vitamin D deficiencies are very common in certain parts of the country, especially during the winter when there is not enough sunlight to get sufficient vitamin D from going outside. I am being treated for a vitamin D deficiency and it is something that needs to be diagnosed by a doctor, who can then recommend the correct dose of vitamin D. My levels are monitored by occasional blood tests.
While it can be challenging to get to a doctor with young children in tow, it is well worth at least one visit to rule out a medical problem any time severe fatigue is present.
Laura writes:
You are both absolutely right. She should rule out a medical condition. However, it is very common and normal to be exhausted with young children.
Lauren writes:
In response to the exhausted mother, I think it is important to consider the fact that she may be nursing since her baby is 4 months old. If this is the case, her exhaustion, in my experience of nursing and having four children in the same age range as hers, would be completely normal. A four month old is still an infant and solely dependent on mother’s milk. An infant still wakes frequently at night for feedings and changes. I would advise this mother to not make decisions about family size hastily in her current season of motherhood. It has been my experience that during the short months between weaning and becoming pregnant, I have a significant surge in energy. Even though it for a short time, it reminds me what I feel like when I only have myself to sustain. Caring for a family and home is indeed a tiresome duty. I have had a mother’s helper for the past four years. She is the eldest daughter of a large homeschooling family. She comes one afternoon each week and my children love their time with her. She plays outdoors with them all year round, teaches handicrafts, bounces the baby, reads aloud, and plays games. She cares for them and they care for her. It is a nice arrangement and affordable since it is not babysitting. It is one afternoon per week that I know I can have a nap, work on an organizational project, or do some deep cleaning. I also recommend Leila Lawler’s blog, Like Mother, Like Daughter. It is the best in addressing the topics of family life, from a Catholic perspective.
Laura writes:
Thank you.
Homeschooling families are much more likely to include the kind of teenage girl you mention, someone with time available to be a mother’s helper. What a difference that can make.
