Dear Lisa
June 11, 2015
HERE is an important letter I sent today:
Lisa Lambert
Intel Capital Diversity Fund
Intel Corporation
Latte-with-Skim Boulevard
Palo Alto, California 12345
Dear Ms. Lambert,
I have recently been informed of your exciting new venture in capital venturing. As I understand it, you will be giving away $125 million to start-up companies run by women or minorities.
Congratulations! I have just the project for you.
I operate a small and promising start-up company and I am a woman! My website The Thinking Housewife is a dynamic, global idea-processing venture impacting people of diverse cultures and mentalities. In just six years, I have managed to impact (very hard!) readers all over the globe and process thousands of ideas!
So far, my company’s assets consist of a computer, a desk and a chair. With a substantial grant from Intel, I could open a publishing house which would offer dynamic, global ideas to impact every single person on the planet. I am especially interested in covering ideas in the pizza community in a responsible way.
I am of Celtic ancestry and, the last I checked, our relative numbers in America make us an at-risk minority.
Please send me a grant package. If it weren’t for rich and powerful women like you, not-so-rich and powerless women like me wouldn’t stand a chance. (My husband even expects me to fix dinner! I am in especial need of legal funds to deal with this issue.)
I hope that we can work together to make the world a better place. And let me take this opportunity to thank you for your important work inspiring and impacting women around the globe.
Sincerely,
Laura Wood
— Comments —
Eric writes:
They aren’t grants, they are investments. Offer them 25% of your stock for $1 million stake. See if you get any traction.
Seriously, they might do it.
Laura writes:
They aren’t grants, they are investments.
Yes, of course. I knew that.
Offer them 25% of your stock for $1 million stake.
Will do.
