JUST when nothing, absolutely nothing, is happening in the world, the Pizza Industrial Complex releases a newsworthy sensation. The Hot Dog Bites Pizza was unveiled by Pizza Hut last week. The Washington Post, which was naturally on top of this important story, tantalizingly described its “halo” of party dogs. The halo surrounds the normal blend of latex cheese, pepperoni asphalt and tomato spackling, cooked up in the laboratories deep in the heart of the PIC. It looks very filling, doesn’t it?  The federal government is rumored to be working on classifying pepperoni as a vegetable. That way busy families, pushed to the wall by our slave-driving, globalist economy, don’t have to worry about a side dish.

By the way, speaking of the government, I have it on excellent sources from somewhere on the Internet, that a couple was arrested by Child Protection Services in Kentucky last week for not serving their eight children pizza in a whole month. Worrisome trends out there, folks. I don’t make the news, I only deliver it.

In related news, scientists deep in the heart of the PIC recently made a breathtaking advance. After many years of fruitless effort, they have been able to stimulate pizza procreation. Here we see a slice nestling with its offspring. This will greatly increase the efficiency of pizza production. The goal is to have every family eating pizza at least four times a week.

— Comments —

Funky PhD writes:

The Onion is often tasteless, but I thought this item–from a number of years ago–sadly prescient

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