THIS young exemplar of the New World Order recently returned from a six-month detention at an “Affirmatively Furthering Pizza” camp located on a small island off the coast of Alaska. Most American children avidly consume pizza, probably due to heavy exposure before birth. But those who don’t are sent away suddenly and without the permission of their guardians to this largely unknown government facility, where they watch Domino’s commercials and are force fed industrial novelties such as Totino’s Pizza Rolls, Pizza Bagel Bites and Pizza Poppers until they are conditioned to want nothing else.

This boy is back with his family. He has asked for Pizza Hut’s Hog Dog Crust Pizza with extra cheese for his next birthday dinner.

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