Academic Progress
June 17, 2016
Fred Armisen, Carrie Brownstein, Peter Giles- Photo Credit: Augusta Quirk/IFC
THOMAS F. BERTONNEAU writes at The Orthosphere:
A press-release from the Office of the President at Upstate Consolation University contains an announcement that beginning in the fall semester, a new graduate program, the first of its kind in North America, will offer a master’s degree in Studies Studies. In the announcement, UCU President Chloe Alexandra Brainepanne expresses her enthusiasm for the new Studies Studies program, funds for which became available when the Academic Senate passed a measure eliminating all literature courses in the English Department, which will henceforth dedicate itself entirely to Freshman Remedial Writing and Advanced Internet Media Appreciation. Several former English faculty members will transfer to Studies Studies, while the rest have been furloughed.
The designated chair of Studies Studies, Spelvina Malarkey-Delgado, told reporters that, “Studies Studies is the type of vibrant and transgressive program that modern university humanities divisions have long been clamoring for,” adding that, “Studies Studies is where the cutting edge of studies is currently at.” According to Malarkey-Delgado, the proliferation and success of narrower Studies programs, such as Women’s Studies, Black Studies, LGBT Studies, and Disabled Studies, makes the innovative discipline of Studies Studies an absolute necessity. “The specialized Studies programs have taken the strands of postmodern ground-breaking research right to the deconstructive edge of the structuralist cliff,” Malarkey-Delgado says; “Studies Studies,” she adds, “will start where that research left off and take it one step farther on.”
Minky Winceapple, a former Comparative Bodily Non-Verbal Communications Studies professor at Windrip Polytechnic in Colorado, who will be transferring to UCU to teach in Studies Studies, says that he finds it hard to measure just how excited he is at the opportunity to teach in the new discipline. “I’m really holding it in,” Winceapple told the press-conference, “because at last we will be able to figure out what we were doing in the specialized Studies programs, from which most of us have been recruited, for all of those years.” [cont.]
— Comments —
“A Grateful Reader” writes:
My daughter is sooooo enthusiastic about getting a PhD program in Studies Studies by studying the studies of Studies Studies students; she is currently majoring in Non-Disciplinary Studies at PU (Postmodern University), while my son is majoring in Comparative Bodily Non-Verbal Communications Studies with a minor in skateboard acrobatics at Forget U.
Laura writes:
Wow, you must be very proud.
Education like that makes a life time of student debt seem like nothing.
Inga writes:
“The designated chair of Studies Studies, Spelvina MALARKEY-Delgado” – the name is certainly appropriate.
