The Umbrella
November 26, 2018
The Umbrella, George Cruikshank
ON THIS rainy day, I would like to say something I have never said to readers before: Don’t ever, ever, ever, ever forget your umbrella, especially when it is raining heavily.
I say this with absolute certainty and profound awareness of the drawbacks of having no umbrella. I value umbrellas more than most people. I value them because I never, ever, ever, ever remember my umbrella, especially when it is raining heavily, or any other time.
That’s not entirely correct. On a few, very few, occasions I have remembered an umbrella. But it was nowhere to be found when I remembered it or it instantly broke the moment I opened it.
I have discovered, after years of careful, scientific observation, that some people are genetically predisposed to remember umbrellas and to possess unbroken ones. These people are greatly to be envied. I am not so genetically disposed. I could count on one hand the number of times I have ever been in the rain with a functioning umbrella. Some where in the distant past, an ancestor with very strong umbrella-forgetting genes fell in with someone with equally strong umbrella-forgetting genes … and the rest is history.
I hope you have not had the same cruel and embarrassing fate.
In which case, please do! Please do! Please remember your umbrella! Enjoy what others never do.
