PAUL A. writes:

I was reading through some of your older posts, when I came across “The Hardships of the Single Life.”  This article really hit a chord with me, because I have thought a lot about this subject in the last few years. I’m a victim of my own poor choices. I have never really settled down somewhere, never invested in relationships, and have always lived alone, even in preference to having a roommate or two. Now I live in a smaller town in California and own my own business.  This is when the solitary nature of my existence really sunk in.

I live far away from old friends and family, and have no roots in the area in which I live. I have my own business, or rather my own job, as a repairman.  So I do my work all day, driving from location to location. It is not uncommon for me to speak to no one during the course of the day except customers. I have no co-workers, and no option to network through them. I have no family near, and no option to network through them. No girlfriend or wife, etc.

After work, I come home and do the paperwork side of the job: write invoices, order materials, work on taxes, insurance, etc.  It is quite a load. And, to the point of your article, I have to do everything for the household as well. If the dog or cat gets fed, I have to do it. All the shopping, I have to do.  All the cooking, cleaning, and yard work is my responsibility. I have to maintain the cars. If something is going to get done, I have to do it.

A couple of years ago, the flu was killing people in our area and I came down with it. I spent almost two weeks laid up, too sick to go to the emergency room (1/2 hour drive away), and just eating whatever was in the house, ’cause there was no one to go to the store for me, or help me, or even to inquire if I was okay. The only calls I got were from customers who were annoyed that I was not out repairing their stuff.

It is also striking that if you need to rent a car, go to the airport, or take your car to the shop, there is no one to give you a ride: 30 miles to the rental place, 50 to the airport. A taxi to the airport is $100, one way. Everything is far away. I am active in church, but my traditional Latin Mass is fifty minutes away. So how active can you get?

And at 50 years old, most folks have their families set. I don’t have much interest in dating most of the women I see, and being Catholic, there is probably not much point, since marrying a divorcée is not possible. I am a member of a club, but they don’t do anything, so while I continue to go to the dinners, there is not much social potential there. When people suggest getting a wife, I agree it’d be nice to have the help, but that is not particularly romantic.

Again, I’ve put myself in this position by my own choices, but it can be tough. I expect that married life is also tough. I don’t have to compromise with anyone, or worry about them, and I can make all of the decisions.  On the other hand, I have to make all the decisions, and I don’t get to help anyone, to care for them, or let them carry the load for a bit.

I was reading about people who die alone, and was seeing my future. Not dying alone, as in being a widow. But dying alone, as in alone in a house or apartment, with nobody noticing. Only when the bills stop being paid, or the mail piles too high, or the notices for brush abatement for my un-mowed lawn go to collections, will anyone notice that I have quietly passed away.

I guess you die as you live. Perhaps something will change. I’m guessing my customers might miss me.

Laura writes:

Thank you for writing.

I hope your words motivate readers to extend hospitality, warmth and understanding to the single people they know.

— Comments —

Shannon H. writes:

I think I have to take a bit of the opposite view of what you stated in the post from May about single living. You said (regarding singles) that: “If they lost a job, it would matter even more.” As a wife whose husband was recently laid off (not to mention our five children under the age of ten), I think that his employment – or lack of it – has much more of an impact than if he were single. If he were a bachelor, he could easily move in with his parents, or his single brother, one of his married sisters and their families, or one of his bachelor friends. A family of seven has a much harder time just moving in with family when things go wrong.

Now, if I had a job and a successful career, perhaps you’re right, it would be easier to be married than single (in the case of a lost job). Alas, I’m homeschooling our children and haven’t been pursuing a career for the last decade.

I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this.

Laura writes:

I’m truly sorry about your husband’s lay off. I will include your family in my prayers, and I hope other readers will too.

I basically agree with your point. A single person who is laid off doesn’t need as much to survive. I guess I was thinking of the single person’s mental world and that a family at least shares in the suffering.

No family, by the way, should ever be in the situation in a society such as ours where it does not have enough for the wife to be at home and have a basic subsistence, with food, shelter, clothing and medical care. Married men should be given priority in employment, immigration should be drastically reduced and jobs should not be shipped overseas, but also we need monetary reform to reflect the fact that, with advanced technology, there aren’t enough jobs for everyone, and there never will be. This shortage of jobs should not lead to poverty, it should lead to plenty. I encourage you to read about the social credit system (not the Chinese version) if you haven’t already.

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