WHEN my husband and I were on a trail in the White Mountains last week, we heard a group of teenaged campers descending the mountain behind us. They were singing at the very top of their voices that old Commie folk tune, “If I Had a Hammer,” performed back in the day by the self-admitted fan of Joseph Stalin, Pete Seeger. It’s nice tune, when not overplayed, and I have nothing against the basic sentiments of brotherhood it expresses.

It sounded very uplifting in the woods, seemingly far away from the forces of universal propaganda.

Honestly to see young people out on the trail, with no anti-social distancing or masks, was so thrilling, I almost wanted to cry. I’d be happy if they were wearing mariner’s caps and singing the U.S.S.R. anthem.

If I had a hammer, I’d hammer in the morning. I’d hammer in the evening, all over this land!

As they began to pass, one of the group yelled out, “High Five!”

So we held out our hands.

Each sweaty, grimy, unwashed, adolescent hand came in full contact with ours. Slap, slap, slap, slap …. There were at least 25 in all.

I realized then we were participating in a spontaneous and unintended medical experiment. “If we don’t come down with ‘COVID’ now, we never will!” I said to my husband.

Since our contact with these germ carriers, we’ve never felt better. Not a sniffle, not a single moment on a ventilator at the encouragement and expense of the federal government. We have done everything we could. We have yet to become medical statistics.

Here you have it: One more small bit of evidence that germ theory is at the very least greatly exaggerated. Carry on, comrades!

If I had a germ, I’d sing it in the morning. I’d sing in the evening, all over this land! I’d sing out danger, I’d sing out a warning, I’d sing out love between my brothers and my sisters all over this land.

… It’s the germ of free-eedom, it’s the germ of love between my brothers and my sisters all over this land!

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