Vincent Van Gogh, Les Vessenots in Auvers

“SOME think that one should not speak of the dead except in sighs and tears, or in the accents of tragedy. This may be the reason why some persons absolutely bar this subject from their conversation, and sometimes even will not have the name of a departed member of the family mentioned in their presence. This indicates a false conception of sorrow and also of immortality. To live in the memory of the departed does not mean to live in the horrors of their agonies and to perpetuate the heartbreaks of separation. On the contrary, it is to live in their former presence and in its continuation in the spiritual world. It means to feed on their instructions, to rekindle the living flame of their tender affection, and to put into our lives and conduct the seal of their good example.

“This should be the aim of our conversations when we speak about the dead. These conversations might be serious, but they should remain serene, and nothing should prevent their being sweet and enjoyable; indeed the proper discipline of grief demands it. Man cannot bear the doleful and lugubrious for any length of time. To speak of our departed in such tones will soon tire others and even ourselves. In that case nothing else is to be done but to banish them from our thoughts and from the course of our daily lives, and thus bury them a second time and forever.

“We can do something better to prove that we mourn their loss; it is to allow them to continue holding the place they occupied while they were still alive, and to include them in our confidences, our chats and in our meditations as well.

“Whether our solitary meditations be silent reveries or our meditations in public be an unburdening of ourselves to friends, they must always be endowed with the same character, that of a tonic and cordial for the soul. All that might depress, weaken us, render us less apt to accomplish our task, or bear our burden less bravely, must be banished. All that can purify, strengthen us, increase our love of life and our power for greater good must be found in them.”

— Marguerite Duportal, A Key to Happiness: The Art of Suffering, 1944

— Comments —

Kidist Paulos Asrat writes:

Talking about those who have died is difficult, and as your posting says, most take it with such (morbid) seriousness. I am so glad you wrote on this.

I think God would not wish on us perpetual moroseness, and gives us back glimpses of the part the dead played in our lives, and which they still do.

Since I don’t know how to convince people otherwise, I simply behave contrary to the expected, and think how lucky I was to have known such people, my favorite aunt being one of them.

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