My Dad Is a “Toxic Narcissist”
June 16, 2024
Hendrick Goltzius, Adam; 1613
ADAM — I mean, the Adam — was not the ideal father.
He messed things up for his children. Big time.
He was maybe what is called in today’s parlance a “toxic narcissist.” He chose what suited him, rather than what suited others.
He disrespected his own father in the one thing he had requested. In that moment, he said, “You don’t matter. I do.”
It was the ultimate expression of self-will — and ever since the world has suffered imperfect fathers and unhappy children.
Only God, the perfect father, would have thought up the right response to this sad reality: God told us we can’t throw fathers away however much they make their children unhappy, displeased or annoyed.
He didn’t say, “Honor your father and mother if they are perfect” or “Honor your father and mother if you like them” or “Honor your father and mother if it’s convenient and easy.”
He said, “Honor your father and mother.” Period.
Human beings wouldn’t have thought that up. They would have hedged and modified. They would have come up with contractual contingencies.
One of the saddest things today is that so many people discard imperfect parents when they are old and their imperfections are more apparent than they were in their children’s childhoods. Psychologists are there to help. They cheer on alienation and estrangement. “You deserve to be with people who lift you up,” they say, “not people who make you down.” They applaud and encourage open rejection of a divine command.
The common use of the word “toxic” to describe human beings, suggesting that the mere physical presence of these persons is poisonous, is extremely unkind and cruel. I believe its popularity has originated in the commercial interests of psychologists. How convenient and easy it is to be assured you can cut off people you find difficult! Who wouldn’t pay for that advice?
“Narcissist,” while expressing the sad fact that there are more disturbed and selfish people than ever, is so over-used it has become meaningless. Besides, isn’t it narcissistic to discard narcissists?
God issued his command to honor out of duty and gratitude. Even the most worthless father has given life. God himself never gave up on Adam. He didn’t throw him away. He didn’t call him “toxic.” For our Father, the bonds of true love are eternal. Be merciful, as your Father is merciful. (Luke 6:36) In that, He showed us that filial love encompasses and transcends every imperfection.
