SOPHIA writes:

I wrote to you in the past (see here and here) regarding my strong desire to become a housewife. As you know, I’m young, (miserably) in college, and had until recently little hope of meeting someone whom I could marry, i.e., with the same traditionalist views. Of course, similar-minded individuals are not too difficult to find on the Internet; so, to keep things concise, I’m rather convinced we’ve found each other. For about the last half year, I have been in intimate communication with a young man (my age, same year of college) with whom I have striking compatibility. We want the same things: a traditionalist Catholic home, wherein our large number of children are schooled, to live as self-sufficiently as possible. We dream of eventually owning a farm, but looking at things realistically makes that appear to be in the far-off future. We are not taking our future lightly; our conversations most often revolve around how we will live out our married state.

Here is our dilemma: What kind of work is best for a traditional man? Currently, Raphael is majoring in biology and mathematics, but he has come to see these as a dead end. Since we are both nearing graduation, this has become a matter of stress for us. He has put forth different ideas (teacher at private school, architect, etc.), but nothing has fit into our worldview. For example, the architecture program would take much too long, and obviously we will be beginning a family immediately upon marrying, so for him to still be in school and not with a stable income would be disastrous. But we want a young marriage. As for teaching, it seems awfully strange for me to be homeschooling our family while he teaches other children in an institution, even if it is private and Catholic. Ultimately, a rural setting is ideal (oh, how I wish for there to be a traditional Catholic agrarian community!). Along with this, he does not drive, and we have no intention of owning a vehicle. (Please, think of us as Luddites.) Here’s a Chesterton quote that gets at what we believe:

Our separation of economy from the home is part of a long fragmentation process. Each of the modern ideas that might have once been part of this complete breakfast have come to claim that they are complete all by themselves. We have separated everything from everything else. We have accomplished this by separating everything from the home. Feminism has separated women from the home. Capitalism has separated men from the home. Socialism has separated education from the home. Manufacturing has separated craftsmanship from the home. The news and entertainment industry has separated originality and creativity from the home, rendering us into passive and malleable consumers rather than active citizens.

Raphael is intellectual, but he also believes he has skill in the visual arts. I would love for him to be able to support us through some craft at home, and that would seem to render time in school futile. To get a degree or not? In what? Switching his degree would almost inevitably extend his time as an undergraduate. Any ideas as to what field/trade he should go into, either from your or your readers, is most welcome. We recognize that we are very young and lack experience in the “real world.” We, of course, do not intend to ever become dependent on the government; and neither do we intend to be so poor that our children’s well-being is jeopardized. Finally, we are also still trying to decide where to settle (my preference being a European country, obviously one where homeschooling is legal).

Laura writes:

Congratulations. I am so happy to learn of these developments. I wish you both the best.

The truth is, in answer to your question, there are so many possibilities, and so few possibilities. The first thing I would advise is patience. You will not figure all this out in a hurry!

Personally, I would like to see traditionalist Catholics move to the very liberal state of Vermont, which despite its political liberalism, has a strong back-to-the-land, small-business ethic and a high quality of life for raising children (outside of the schools). It does, however, have very high property tax rates and you would spend a load of money supporting the expensive school system. It also has, I believe, only one parish that has the Latin mass so far. However, some of the more liberal areas of the country have a community ethic and there is no reason why Catholics can’t take advantage of it and form their own communities in these places, starting traditional parishes there. Raphael would, however, have to learn how to drive a car. : – )

I think of the inspiring story of the von Trapp Family, upon whom the movie “The Sound of Music” was based. They were a patrician Austrian family and had lost their money in a bank collapse and had to leave Nazi Austria. When Capt. Georg von Trapp, a hero in the Austrian navy, was offered a position in the German military, he replied, “I have sworn my oath of loyalty to only one Emperor” and refused. They walked away from their home and whole way of life in Austria.

They ended up settling in Vermont and bought a farm, which they eventually made into a successful inn even though they had none of the skills to do those things. They were also singers and that’s how they initially made their money. (Can Raphael sing madrigals?) They made almost nothing from the blockbuster movie. They settled in Vermont because it reminded them of Austria. At one point, one of the sons who had fought in the war in Europe dragged stones up to the top of the hill right behind their house, which was originally called Cor Unum (or, One Heart) and built a small chapel there to the Virgin Mary in gratitude for having survived the war. It remains there today, above the lodge and the fitness center with its yoga mats.

What you need is a place with the basics of a wholesome life and where you can start to build a traditional Catholic community even though it may not at all be in existence there now. Not living in Europe, I cannot make suggestions for that at all. I am prejudiced towards New England. That’s purely personal. Wherever you go, you will have to separate yourself to some degree from the world around you. Someplace that offers agricultural opportunities but also other kinds of work is ideal.

God, Mary, the angels and all the saints are with you. Have confidence and do not get discouraged. You are embarking on a great adventure and many people will try to tell you that you are unrealistic. They will also hate you for being different. Bless you for your beautiful hopes. This world is a sea of vanities and your hopes are true because they are ultimately directed toward union with God and another, better world.

— Comments —

Sage McLaughlin writes:

Your correspondent Sophia has a difficult set of choices in front of her, but they’re not insuperable.  This remark of hers caught my eye:

“As for teaching, it seems awfully strange for me to be homeschooling our family while he teaches other children in an institution, even if it is private and Catholic.”

She should not let this be any kind of barrier to his entering into the teaching profession.  While it may seem odd or hypocritical or what have you, the truth is that teaching is a perfectly good and honorable profession even if homeschooling is ideal under most circumstances.  Perhaps it seems as though they would be living some sort of incongruous life, as if they were to say, “This is good enough for my husband’s students, but not for my children.”  But it doesn’t have to mean that at all.  Homeschooling is not an option for some families, perhaps even most families, and anyway, in this life we work with what we have.  Consider the possibility that he will be doing a service for any number of parents who are constrained to provide the best education that they can under the circumstances.

Anyway, I am happy for Sophia, but would caution her not to let the perfect be the enemy of the good and to make the best available choice as it arises.  My only other bit of advice is to consider the quality of the Catholic diocese in which they are settling.  This is something many people neglect to research before settling somewhere, to their regret.

Vicki writes:

My brother and sister-in-law are the advisors for Fisher More Academy and hire teachers to teach virtually.  They have had great success in doing this, and from what I understand the pay is good.  Sophia’s husband-to-be could be a teacher, teaching from his own home and also available to help with his own children should he have some downtime.  They follow a very conservative Catholic venue.  I think it would be a perfect fit!

Thank you for your blog.  I read it every day.

Laura writes:

Thank you.

Online teaching won’t likely support a family, but it could help.

I suggest that Raphael also consider the trades, such as plumbing, engineering and auto mechanics. Nursing is also something he could probably do anywhere, but would require another degree.

Sophia should start working as soon as possible, to gain experience of her own and start saving. If you’re going to live in America, you’re definitely going to need a car.

Sophia writes:

In all honesty, we immediately ruled out living in the States. I hope you won’t think me awful for not being very proud to be an American. We have been focusing on France lately (which particularly makes sense to me, as he’s ancestrally French and I’m learning the language). We have our hope in remnants of traditionalism and have actually begun searching for a location to live based off of directories listing where the Tridentine Mass is kept. My understanding is that, unfortunately, traditional churches are most often in urban areas. Perhaps we will have to settle near a long-standing hermitage or monastery.

I suppose I didn’t convey well what kind of life we deeply desire. Not only do we intend to not own things such as a computer, a television, and so forth, but we are actually seriously considering living without electricity. It seems extreme to us convenience-driven moderns, but people lived that way for thousands of years, and I believe they lived more intimately with creation and, in turn, God. So when I wrote of the traditional man’s trade, we were thinking more along the lines of blacksmithing, iconography, stained-glass making — truly traditional trades. In terms of supporting a family, an isolated one of those would probably not be sufficient, right? So I’m holding onto the vague idea that interdisciplinary work is a possibility. Is it utterly mad to imagine us both working in more than one trade? Could he be a translator and a blacksmith, and I take food to the farmer’s market and sell handmade dresses? Please say it’s not impossible.

Laura writes:

Ah, okay.

No, it is not mad to consider combining different trades. However, is there much of a demand for blacksmiths and stained-glass makers in France? I would think it would take many years to earn anything significant in these fields unless one was part of an established family business that already served the small market for these crafts.

You will need a serious backup plan, but I am sure you will find one. Unfortunately, many people in the U.S. won’t buy handmade dresses when they can get imports for very little. Perhaps it is easier to make a go of those things in France. As valuable as these home-based crafts are, they are not protected by an economy  largely based on financial speculation and corporate gigantism, not the interests and stability of the family. You can work for change but you have to make a living in the meantime.

As for going without electricity, people lived that way for thousands of years together. Many home-based businesses today rely on Internet technology. It does have advantages, though I have to admit, lights and washing machines come in handy.

Laura adds:

It almost seems as if you and Raphael are seeking a monastic existence. The problem is, you also want a large family. Therefore, you will not likely be able to afford some of the “luxuries” of monks, such as life with barebones simplicity that is completely at odds with modern living — unless perhaps you are living with others who are adopting the same kind of life and who can pitch in with you to make it work, the way the Amish make their simple living work in community.

Rita Jane writes:

I’m a few years out of college, and here’s what I would suggest.

1. Most people do not  permanently settle in their forever city, let alone their forever home, straight after graduation. So focus on getting a situation that is functional right now, with the assumption you can move later.

2. Unless you’re planning to live in Manhattan or another urban core you will need at least one driver’s license. Your intended should work on this as soon as possible.

3. You both should be working as you prepare for marriage. Try to bank at least ninety percent of your earnings. The first few years of marriage bring a lot of expenses, even if you’re frugal.

4. Living in solitude and working the land is terribly romantic, but many people are not cut out for it. At least at first, you may be well served to move to an area with a strong traditional parish. Both Lincoln, Nebraska and Steubenville, Ohio have large traditional Catholic communities. I would consider both. And there’s nothing to say you can’t live in Lincoln for a few years, keep a large garden, and move to a farm when the time is right. You will be strengthened by having coreligionists around and you will be thankful on the inevitable day when you need a favor from a friend. I can’t stress how brutally lonely it is to spend your life in an area where people are diametrically opposed to your worldview. And I’m a fairly reserved and asocial woman by nature! We’re stuck because of my husband’s career, but trust me, you do not want this if you have other options.

5. There’s a strong overlap between math skills and computer programming. He may be well served to study that, either on his own or in formal classes. When my husband was in college, many of his courses counted both toward a math degree and a computer science one. He might also look into bookkeeping, which is in demand everywhere. He’d need to learn QuickBooks, but it’s pretty simple; I do this for a job and I taught myself in a couple weeks. He should be capable of working full time and holding down a part time job for the first few years.

Laura writes:

Accounting and computer programming are good things to combine with some home-based craft.

Rita Jane’s comment was made without her being aware that Sophia is not considering anyplace in this country.

Mary writes:

Laura wrote: “God, Mary, the angels and all the saints are with you. Have confidence and do not get discouraged. You are embarking on a great adventure and many people will try to tell you that you are unrealistic. They will also hate you for being different. Bless you for your beautiful hopes. This world is a sea of vanities and your hopes are true because they are ultimately directed toward union with God and another, better world.”

Beautifully put!

Maybe Sophia could be the online teacher – my kids are enrolled in some online homeschool classes and they say they can hear their teachers’ babies and kids in the background. Very sweet. Another idea: I think people with crafty products to sell should open Etsy shops – it seems like a great way to pad one’s income and can be done from home and worked on at any hour of the day.

I agree with Sage McLaughlin that they should move where they know there is a good Mass. When my kids dream about where they want to live some day I always pipe up and say “Yes, as long as there’s a good Mass nearby!” Somewhere within an hour’s drive is reasonable to my mind (we drive 45 minutes). Living in the deep country sounds lovely, but I would need Mass as a Sunday oasis.

Maria von Trapp’s book is wonderful and inspiring and a great read. They always had a priest living with them, I believe, who was a close family friend and offered daily Mass. Lucky.

Laura writes:

Thanks. He lived with them when they were touring but eventually went back to Austria.

I agree, of course, about living where one can attend mass. One is obligated to do that if at all possible. However,  traditional Catholics should also seek to gather in certain new places and bring the real mass there. I only say that with the hope that new communities could form, not to recommend that people end up in isolated places with no mass. I mentioned Vermont because I would like to see that kind of thing happen there someday, but it’s a long shot.

A reader writes:

Maria was complete sellout and zealous advocate of post Vatican II liberalism… Sadly I believe all their children left the Church. I have a good friend and staunch traditionalist lady who sparred with her regularly in the 70s much to her disappointment. Just thought you would like to know.

Laura writes:

Yes, Catholicism seems to be basically dead in that family. I met her grandson in September and he said many members of the extended family are “spiritual” but not Catholic.

Judging from her writings, it seems that Maria was at first reluctantly drawn into the Vatican II Revolution. She described in her autobiography her horror at being asked to speak from the pulpit of a church. She thought it was wrong for a woman to be on the altar! Imagine, things were once like that. Perhaps that was the beginning of her  undoing because she did speak and found she liked it. Her daughters later introduced her to some charismatic movement, which she was also reluctant to participate in at the beginning. It is very sad that a woman who was so devout eventually got dragged into it all.

Fitzgerald writes:

I can recommend Oklahoma for a traditional agrarian existence. While living in Virginia I became friends with a number of traditionalists who were associated with John Senior and the traditionalist community in Oklahoma where a sister monastery to Fontgambault was founded. Many of these individuals are adherents of the Catholic land movement and writings of Fr. Vincent McNabb dating from the early to mid 20th century. As to an occupation, trades would be rewarding but would be difficult in rural areas where self-sufficiency is prized. Computer work which can be performed anywhere with good communications would be ideal. He would need to establish himself first in more urban areas  but with application and perseverance, independence would be possible. He could also work at the one of the universities in Oklahoma.

Laura writes:

Some followers of the Catholic land movement support “Distributist” economics, which are well-intentioned but socialist in their orientation.

Laura writes:

Again, given Raphael’s math skills, it seems some kind of degree or work experience in software engineering would be the right direction because he could combine that with a craft or home-based business.

Mrs. H. writes:

My husband and I have similar aspirations to Sophia and Raphael, although we aren’t quite as ambitious. We too would like to eventually be self-sufficient and run a small farm. If our health and fertility continues, we will probably have 10-12 children.  Your readers have given some good advice, especially “not to let the perfect be the enemy of the good and to make the best available choice as it arises” and to find a good parish.

Sophia: Are you both willing to make the rather nontraditional choice of moving far away from both your families? One of the greatest blessings of bringing children into the world is to present them to your parents (and if you’re lucky, your grandparents), to have waves of cousins grow up together as friends, to visit and lovingly tend the graves of the departed.  But perhaps you are estranged from your families or there is no “hometown,” since everyone has already moved away.

My parents homeschooled their children because my dad worked at a private school, and they were uncomfortable with the way students behaved and wanted to raise us in a more respectful environment.  Happily, I also received a better education.

“They will also hate you for being different.”  This is very true.  Our family was below the poverty line for a while last year, and it angered me so much that our house would be condemned and CPS likely notified if we chose to disconnect electricity for three months during the summer, in order to stay out of debt and off welfare. We never had to go to such measures, but it made me realize how much our society hates the poor.  But I digress.  Yes, “they will also hate you for being different.”  A family you could hardly call strictly traditional–I do not even know if they are religious–have received undue criticism and outright envy in the comment section of the Atlantic for raising their 12 children to be responsible and relatively capable.

Besides saving money now, start learning husbandry (rabbits and chickens can be raised for meat even in town), cultivate a garden, make your own clothes, learn to make things out of what you have or get free, or do without.  Barter.  I started a “food preservation” club with other mom friends last summer (we find free food from farmers and orchards and get together and preserve it in very large batches–great fun!)

One thing is certain: having a very large family will make it easier to learn these skills, out of necessity.  I wish you the best!

Laura writes:

Thanks for your suggestions.

It’s always ideal to live near family members, but, sad to say, if they are not supportive it can be even more isolating than living far away from them. I assume that living near family is out of the question for Sophia and Raphael.

Laura adds:

I just want to highlight something Mrs. H. said. She wrote:

I started a “food preservation” club with other mom friends last summer (we find free food from farmers and orchards and get together and preserve it in very large batches–great fun!)

This is a very good illustration of how informal networks, based on parishes or neighborhoods, work together to make the traditional family possible. It’s very hard to pursue traditional family life on your own when everyone around you is eating in restaurants and spending lots of money.

The worst thing about feminism is that it destroyed the social institution of motherhood.

Laura adds:

Sophia quoted Chesterton as saying that Capitalism had separated men from the home.

This is in correct.

Men have had to leave their families, either daily or for long periods for many hundreds of years. They were fishermen and sailors who went off on long expeditions. They were traders and businessmen who had to travel to sell their goods. They were soldiers and statesmen who also had to travel frequently. Even farmers were out of the home for much of the day.

It’s a very romantic notion that the real family is always together, but historically it’s not true.

I would also like to caution Sophia against condemnations of Capitalism. The Catholic view is not that Capitalism is intrinsically disordered. The money-based economy has led to excesses and economic breakdown, but Capitalism itself has always been supported by the Church. Here’s a good look at this subject. In getting involved with Catholic agrarianism, I strongly recommend that Sophia and Raphael be wary of Distributist ideas and organizations.

Karl D. writes:

I don’t wish to throw a monkey wrench into this thread, but there is a question I must ask that no one else seems to have approached. Sophia said that she met Raphael over the internet and does most, if not all of her communication with him in this way. Has she ever met Raphael in the flesh? Or at least talked with him live on Skype and not the phone? I ask because there is an all too common trend these days with online romances that has even garnered a name for itself. Its called being “Catfished”. Someone meets someone online who uses false photos of themselves and will create a completely new identity. They will tell the victim everything they want to hear to make them fall completely head over heals for them. They will never want to meet in person or live Skype. Only telephone calls and Internet will suffice. They will make one excuse after the other to avoid meeting eye to eye. Some people do this because they are bored and lonely. Some do it because they are mean and have been rejected, and sometimes they are straight up dangerous psychopaths! Sometimes they are not even the sex they claim to be! I sincerely hope I am wrong about this and Sophia has met Raphael in person, as she seems like a lovely and highly intelligent young woman. But when it comes to matters of the heart, we often see only what we want to see.

Laura writes:

Thank you for the alert. This is important for people to know even if it is not relevant to Sophia’s case. I don’t doubt that what you describe has happened. It’s sick.

Also, even if all is as it seems, Sophia may be jumping the gun by talking of marriage if she has not spent much time with Raphael in person.

Mary writes:

Capitalism must be partnered with Christianity, as Christianity provides the necessary checks and balances against avarice and requires charity, humility, etc.

A word about Maria Von Trapp: she fell away from Catholicism with many, many other good people. For anyone born after 1960 or so it is hard to imagine a world in which people generally obeyed authority but back then people obeyed the Church almost blindly, like a young child to a father. A tiny handful had the wisdom and foresight to fight back, Deo gratias.

Her later problems aside, Maria von Trapp’s early life/marriage was a beautiful window into life in Catholic Austria before the war: gorgeous Catholic traditions, feasts, singing, Austrian music and dance, wholesome culture and community. Her book created such a longing in me for a simple Catholic life, one in which I could walk through my village to daily Mass, before breakfast, while the sun was just coming up (…over the Alps).

Turning off the electricity in the summer is a fantasic idea and would be an enormous energy saver if lots of people did it. It’s confounding that in this “green” day and age, cutting off ones electricity to save money in the summer makes one a maverick, but obviously less “green” measures, which are beyond the budget of average Americans, such as installing solar panels, building windmills, etc. are perfectly fine.

Maybe if we all did this we could save enough energy that I could get my beloved incandescent light bulbs back in production.

 Laura writes:

Maria’s children were becoming Americanized and so was she. I was impressed by her sense, when she was asked to speak from the altar, that something profoundly wrong was occurring.

Ingrid writes:

Although I don’t live in France, I do live in Europe, so I thought that I might be able to share some general advice with Sophia.

1. She says that Raphael is of French origin. If he doesn’t already have French citizenship, then he should check French citizenship laws and see if he is eligible. If he is indeed eligible, he should apply immediately. Sophia should also check her own background and see if she is eligible for citizenship in any EU country. Many, though not all, European countries make citizenship available to their diaspora populations, even those that may be a few generations removed from their family homelands and may not have proficiency in the national language. If at least one spouse (preferably both) have citizenship in France or another EU country, it will make settling there much easier and realistic. It will also make life easier for their future children. Wikipedia actually has fairly good general information on citizenship laws for various countries, although they should speak directly to embassies or consulates to get correct information.

 2. If Raphael does not speak French, he should begin studying the language now. It will be difficult to live outside of major cities and tourist areas without a fluent command of the language, and it will be nearly impossible to find work locally. France is a much more bureaucratic society than most English speaking countries, so a strong command of the language is necessary to navigate that.

3. The French economy is not very strong these days. I would suggest sticking to “practical” fields of work…anything from plumbing to teaching to healthcare to possibly computer programming, etc…I would stay away from fields such as stained-glass making. Unless they could find many foreign clients, it would be extremely difficult to make a living in more “impractical” fields.

4. Research the French job market to see what kinds of fields are in demand now and will likely be in demand in the future, taking into account the areas of France where they want to live. Check to see if there are specific requirements regarding training/apprenticeship/years and fields of study, etc…See if it is necessary to register with the government in order to practice certain professions. (This is sometimes the case in European countries. Sometimes it is necessary to have a very specific educational background, or to have performed an apprenticeship for a certain number of years, or to pass an exam, in order to be able to legally practise a profession.)

5. Check French  laws regarding agriculture. Is it necessary to register farm animals with a government agency, even if they are only for personal use? Are there special taxes on certain types of animals? What kinds of rules do owners of agricultural businesses have to follow?

6. Check laws and tax policies regarding self-employment.

7. Getting a driving licence in France is time-consuming and expensive – much more so than in the U.S. I am talking about a difference of hundreds of dollars. If Sophia and Raphael get licences in the US, they may be able to convert them to French licences automatically. (They would need to check details on this.) If it is possible to do so, they should strongly consider getting their licences in the US and eventually converting them. That way they have them if they ever need them.

8. The cost of living in France is quite high, generally, compared to the US. They should keep this in mind when calculating the income that they expect to need.

I hope that this helps.

Sophia writes:

I intend to reply to many of the other comments soon, but I will say for now, in reply to Karl, that Raphael and I Skype regularly and have been doing so for the time frame I mentioned previously. I understand the common reaction among older generations to this kind of thing, and certainly this is no ideal way to begin a relationship, but I can reassure you we have an incredibly healthy one.

Laura writes:

I think it unlikely that Raphael is dishonest, but still if you have not met him in person you should not be talking about marriage yet. And before you do meet him in person, you should obtain some independent verification that he is the person whom he says he is, perhaps by calling his parish. I’m sorry, but this warning has nothing to do with being part of an older generation. It’s based on with familiarity with the Internet.

Sophia writes in reply to other comments:

Mrs. Wood has made a fairly correct observation regarding our family situations. We are among the young traditionalists who came upon our beliefs without significant influence from family (again, the Internet is not ideal, but it certainly helps in these times…to an extent :-). In some way, I envision us beginning anew, hopefully planting seeds that will provide sincere roots for our children, their children, and so forth. We have no intention of cutting family off, but we desire to give our children the life we never had. I can’t quite stress how much of an intensely heartfelt matter this all is. So if our children’s well-being demands separating ourselves to a degree from our parents, then that will come to pass. To remain near family is at the least out of the question for me.

Bartering is a very interesting idea to us. Fitzgerald writes that “trades would be rewarding but would be difficult in rural areas where self-sufficiency is prized,” but people in rural areas cannot possibly make all the items they need, can they? Perhaps a large family grows up to the tasks, but I imagine bartering as being a great kind of routine to acquire handmade objects outside of one’s family’s trade. As for Distributism, I appreciate the words of caution; I still have a lot to learn about the subject. I like to think that we are striving for something wholly apart from ideologues, but I admittedly have little against the idea of widespread small farms, which Chesterton seemed to envision.

(Yes, I know, our dreams are terribly romantic.)

Laura writes:

Widespread, small farming is definitely a worthy ideal, but that is something that should evolve organically, without limits on property ownership. I recommend the articles on Distributism at Tradition in Action.

Jenny from Idaho writes:

Sophia might check out the Charles Carroll Society.

From the “about” page: “This blog is a view from a Traditional Catholic, Constitutional Conservative, American Patriot, In That Order.”

It includes information about the Catholic Land Movement and Distributism.

John P. writes:

Lot’s of good advice for Sophia. I’d just like to add that while France is historically a Catholic country and is still so in rural areas, the French government is very secular and socialist. I wouldn’t gamble heavily on its willingness to defend your right to homeschool. I honestly think you’d be better off in Missouri.

Laura writes:

That’s one big advantage to this country. Homeschooling is firmly in place.

Jim writes:

I see Sophia’s situation has inspired many comments. I also would like to offer one. I’m wondering if this large response from among your readers is because in this day and time there are so FEW young people that seem to be interested in seeking advice from their elders, thus causing all of us dammed up founts of wisdom to gush forth when we come across someone who is actually seeking wisdom and understanding from a different source than ‘the mainstream.”

My wife was once in a similar situation as Sophia. This was in the mid 1970s. She was in college in Massachusetts, but really had not much purpose in being there. Her heart was there mainly because of the choral group she belonged to while being there. Her dreams sound similar to Sophia’s; in her case they were somewhat of a cross between “Little House on the Prairie” and “Here Come the Brides”, both popular TV shows back in those days. She somewhat felt like she was born 100 years later than she would have liked.

Long story shorter, we met on a Christian communal farm in Minnesota that she had discovered in the summer of ’77. I had previously lived there, and returned in ’78 for a visit. We became engaged at the end of my two week visit, after having spoken no more than a couple hundred words to each other, and were married in November. We had both been praying about our desire for a spouse, and although we did not know one another personally, we were drawn to each other and both knew that we shared similar values and dreams, based on our mutual experience of life within this agrarian Christian community. We were extremely naïve, but our experience of having lived together with others in the hope of being a part of something that could bring glory to God served to temper us for the hardships that we would face as we began our life together.

Our first five children were born in Washington state, where we lived for the first ten years of our marriage. We lived in what I like to refer to as “elegant poverty,” although looking back, I can’t much remember where the elegant part was, other than the fact that we loved each other and we loved our kids, and we put a high priority on TIME TOGETHER rather than money. We determined to remain free from debt as much as possible, and so we studied how to spend less rather than always trying to figure out how to earn more. Our last few years in Washington were spent trying to locate a place to relocate to that was more conducive to these aspirations, and in 1989 we left western Washington for Montana, where we have lived since 1990, and where we have raised our seven children. We have made our share of mistakes, and some poor choices, but we can say that our children love and respect us, and they love one another, as well.

In conclusion, there are two sites that I think Sophia might be interested in seeing. These are blog sites maintained by women who are raising large families while living on the land in northern Idaho. Both sites have quite a bit of encouraging material about the everyday struggles and blessings of  modern homesteading, and there is much to learn from these ladies, as they write about all of their experiences. The sites are named the Paratus Familia blog, and the second is called the providencelodge.blogspot.com   I think they can be located by a google search of those two names.

Thanks for keeping your site up and running. God bless.

Laura writes:

Thank you.

John P. writes:

I have one further word of caution for Sophia. The French are very conscious of accent and grammar, far more so than in the English-speaking world. Even if you are able to become fully fluent, which won’t be easy, you will almost certainly have a heavy American accent. It’s not clear how well that will be received among the French, especially in rural areas. Gender alone is an enormous problem for English speakers of French. I would urge you to think very seriously about moving to France.

Moi, je parle quelque Francais, mais je ne comprend pas aussi bien la parole. C’est le probleme avec les Francais. Desole.

Jan. 20, 2014

Paul T. writes:

Sophia and Raphael are certainly wiser and better grounded than I was at their age, but I do feel compelled to add something that I haven’t seen in the other comments so far.

It does strike me that their traditionalist ideas have got mixed up with some individualistic or even eccentric ones that I might more readily expect from some radical Protestant sect (live without electricity, avoid schoolteaching, leave the U.S.) rather than from traditionalists. I have some concern that they appear to have too much confidence on these points – as if they’ve worked out all these questions for themselves and are now seeking only practical advice on how to implement decisions already made. That does make me wonder about their readiness for all this. I would feel more comfortable if they said, “We want to live traditionalist Catholic lives but we recognize that one must pick one’s battles and put first things first – even if that means compromising well short of our on-paper ideals about electricity and so on, at least for the time being.”

Something as simple as a summer spent living and working in rural France, if this is possible, might change their views quite dramatically. Or perhaps even just corresponding with a parish priest there? Our ancestors, in the 17th century and after, didn’t have much opportunity to find out much in advance about the New World – they just went, hoping and praying for the best. We have more opportunities to get better and fuller information before making such life-changing decisions.