A NEW JERSEY man is in jail for failing to make alimony payments that exceed his income, and he has lost his job as a result of his imprisonment, according to the Hunterdon County Democrat. John Waldorf was ordered to pay $107,000 a year to his former spouse. His average income has been about $90,000 in recent years, according to the newspaper.

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I’VE OFTEN wondered why more people who have divorced their decent spouses don’t later publicly regret their selfishness and tell the whole world just how stupid and thoughtless they were. Probably because repentance hurts or because many people who initiate divorce are too far gone for self-reflection. Here, however, is just that: a woman who has devoted a blog to describing her divorce and its effects. She confirms my point. Divorce is spiritually destructive to those who initiate it. She writes:   

If you have forced a frivolous divorce on your spouse and children, you will never be able to shake off the stench of your selfish act. You will have to explain it to people you date and to their families and to their children and to the people your children marry and to your grandchildren when they start to ask questions about your life. Probably you will be ashamed to tell them the naked truth because it will reveal your selfish, frivolous character and there is nothing you can say to sugarcoat this huge personal defect without resorting to half truths. They won’t say anything to your face, but they will discuss it when you leave the room and they will question your suitability as a potential family member…as well they should.

Relatives and friends who witness divorce and say nothing, imposing no shame on the one who initiates divorce and pointing no fingers, are selfish too. It is not kind to withhold judgment.

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NEW YORK belatedly became the 50th state in the country to enact no-fault divorce recently, making it possible for one spouse to unilaterally end a marriage without proving wrongdoing. Even without the new law, it was fairly easy for one spouse to terminate a marriage against the wishes of the other.

Gov. David A. Paterson said, “These bills fix a broken process that produced extended and contentious litigation, poisoned feelings between the parties and harmed the interests of those persons — too often women — who did not have sufficient financial wherewithal to protect their legal rights. I commend the sponsors on providing a real and effective legislative solution to a problem that has for too long bedeviled ordinary New Yorkers.” Notice how Paterson doesn’t even pretend the bill will reduce divorce.

As women initiate the majority of divorces, men are the primary victims of no-fault divorce, but  many women find themselves involuntarily ending their marriages too. Here is one woman’s account of trying to prevent her divorce in New York before the bill went into effect. One judge asked her: “Doesn’t your husband have the right to move on with his life?”

No-fault divorce undeniably led to the divorce epidemic, which was also set in motion many years ago by the end to the tradition of paternal custody.  Read More »