HERE IS breaking news in my ongoing coverage of one of the most important stories of our time. A New York City chef is trying to convince the city’s public school system, a major player in the Pizza Industrial Complex, to switch to homemade dough in lieu of frozen pizza. This could create a small revolution in the performance of city students. Who knows? It may even lead to the disbanding of the New York school system. Commercial pizza is the foundation of modern socialism, in case you haven’t noticed.

By the way, here are the tell-tale signs of a pizza overdose:

blurred vision
hopelessness and mild despair
a bloated feeling, as if the intenstinal cavities are filled with fiberglass insulation
the inability to walk a straight line (due to bloating)
forgetfulness

These symptoms only occur with the commercial product. With habitual pizza consumption, they may occur in chronic form, a condition I call Pizza Fatigue Syndrome (PFS).

The revolution begins with you. See a reader’s recipe for homemade dough below and her suggestion that you even grind your own grain.

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I WOULD like to apologize to readers of this site for the unkind things I have said about pizza. I now realize that commercial-grade pizza is, if not the nectar of the gods, a suitable substance for everday consumption. Human beings have an evolutionary drive to eat trash. It is useless to fight this impulse. It’s sort of like asking people to stop itching or mating. I realize that if you are a habitual pizza eater, you cannot help it. Please understand that I understand.

Here is the latest from the Domino’s Pizza Institute about the pizza-eating habits of Americans. This is important scientific news.