WOMEN HAVE reacted with outrage at the proliferation of books and Internet sites recommending Game and pickup strategies for men. At the same time, many women pursue their own reductionist romancing.

Lori Gottlieb, the author of the new book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, has made a big hit with her advice. Here is a venomous critique of the book at The Spearhead website. By the way, Gottlieb is the perfect modern authority on love: She dated for 25 years and finally conceived a child through artificial insemination. In the words of the writer Obsidian:

Gottlieb’s book no doubt will be viewed as “dating advice;” perhaps even as “self-help”-and in any event, such books are marketed in droves to Women, for years. All kinds of truly dehumanizing language and allusions are made to Men, such as the very title of the book we’re discussing; we’re rated and objectified, ranked and given the heave-ho for the slightest imperfection, infraction or just the misfortune of being human -a necessary evil all in the name of the Precious Ladies’ search for “Mr. Right”…

The sheer arrogance, hubris and out and out megalomania, that this Woman exudes is something the likes of which I’ve never set my eyes on before-and believe you me, I done seen a lot of stuff…

 Nor does it surprise me one little bit that Gottlieb’s supposed cautionary tale talks about how all the guys she passed up in her life have moved on to have families of their own-you know, the one you make with someone you actually know and doesn’t require a petrie dish-and trust me, they’re thanking GOD in Heaven that they didn’t get hitched to this Royal Headcase, or others like her. Men, in case no one’s figured it out by now, are just simpler, more pragmatic and are much, much more likely to “settle” than are Women, and when they decide that the dating game ain’t for them, they find happiness elsewhere. Which explains why for every Game or PUA website, blog, book or seminar, you can find easily dozens of the female-versions in any direction you want to go. Happiness for Men is a heck of a lot easier than for Women for the simple reason that we expect a lot less than do Women. And once Women, for all their vaunted brainpower, finally figure this out, they too just might get a freaking clue.

                                                — Comments–

Fitzgerald writes:

I think Gottlieb’s timidly pointing out some of the fallacies of feminism. Like many women who’ve been part of the mainstream until they started to wise up a bit, they aren’t ready to reject feminism outright and are looking for ways to back away without outright rejecting the core tenets. The concept of “settling” is really annoying and patronizing but in today’s culture where women are puffed up with ever increasing doses of narcissistic self importance, what makes sense seems like a compromise. I believe she’s not willing or able to forcefully attack the feminist “common wisdom” either to broaden the appeal and market for her book, or just to avoid being too confrontational. Listening to her interview I get the feeling she is still clinging to feminist rhetoric, but some of her defences sound hollow as if she is only maintaining appearences and may have deeper objections currently unvoiced.

Fitzgerald continues:

I still think Lori Gottlieb’s book is a sign that reality is ever so slowly beginning to creap into the cultural dialogue. It’s unrealistic to expect the bulk of women or even a large minority to all of a sudden see the light as if the scales have fallen from their eyes. It’s much more gradual and I hope and pray even she’s a sign of things to come no matter how patronizing it may be.

Sheila C. writes:

I’m tired of Ms. Gottlieb’s self-appointment as an arbiter of male/female relationships. She has been pushed in the N.Y. Times for some time now (I’ve linked to her articles via various conservative websites mocking her in the past) and now she has her very own book, to go along with her very own artificially conceived child. Why is it all these New York Jewish women think they’re illustrative of American women in general? Real life is not “Sex and the City” and while very few of my college friends were married before age 30, that is hardly the national norm. While I’m not a fan of the latest fad/fetish of “game,” I can sympathize with men finding this portrayal of husband as commodity demeaning. Women who want it all their way (lots of serial hookups and dating and career and then marriage to the most eligible male and just the perfect baby after a suitable interval to be left with a nanny while she pursues her exciting career) are oblivious to human sexuality in general and male psychology in particular. When they finally figure out that men don’t want them calling all the shots, it’s too late. Despite my education and early career, I always knew I wanted a family first and foremost and most men I knew were amazed (and actually tremendously gratified) to realize that. I dated men of varying ages and backgrounds and found so much of value in each of them; I don’t doubt I could have been happy with a number of them. The whole idea of “settling” presumes that the woman herself is eminently eligible – terrifically good looking, financially comfortable, etc., and her suitors are not. Just another perversion that feminism has wrought.

 Rita writes:

Ugly stuff. I wish things were simpler. Why do we need so many books and Internet sites to meet, marry and make babies? This is biology here…people did it for centuries with out all this so-called “help.” What a mess!

Laura writes:

The books and sites try to stand in for parents and tradition. People rarely did it so much on their own in the past.

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