IN THIS previous post, Elise, an 18-year-old high school graduate and an intelligent young woman who has thought about the direction of her life, has decided not to go to college. This is a daring thing to do because many of her friends are headed there. But Elise believes that college is unnecessary to achieve her ultimate goal: to be a wife and mother.

The problem is that college is also one of the chief institutions in modern culture for matchmaking. Gone are the traditions that brought young men and women together in other ways. Where is Elise going to even find a man to marry without going to college or, well, going somewhere? Will it take a miracle? Should she hope for a man to fall from the sky?

Elise writes:

Finding a husband! That’s an intriguing statement, particularly in an age when Christian young adults seem to have been taught to leave the job of finding a spouse entirely to God – just go on living a Godly life, and eventually He’ll just drop the right person straight into your lap, so to speak. Sometimes I do wonder when or how I’ll meet a Godly man who meets all of the necessary criteria (Daddy’s and mine.) We go to quite a small church (50-60 people), and there are literally no young men (there are no girls my own age, either). We don’t live in a very big town, either.

Even if I had wanted to go to college, finding a husband would not have been my main priority, but. . . if we live in a small-ish country town, and I don’t leave to go to college or join a missions organisation, etc. . . of course God is powerful enough to cause me to cross paths with the right man, but is this really how finding a spouse should be? A miracle of God, causing two like-minded people to meet, against all the odds? I don’t think it is, but I don’t really know what to do about the situation.

                    — Comments —

Drina writes:

I read both of Elise’s statements. I was in similar shoes not so very long ago. (Ten years isn’t that long, right? :)) One difference is that she seems more mature than I was at that age. I chose to attend a small liberal arts college where I learned to read (to really read, comprehend and consider the written word) and to think. Really! I don’t at all believe that college is necessary for everyone, but I will say that I am glad I went, and that my education and formation have contributed so much to helping me be a wife and mother. Perhaps I should add, though, that my college was not your average college. I did not meet my husband-to-be at school, however. I met him the summer after graduation – praying outside an abortion mill of all places! I don’t have any clear answers for Elise, but I think it’s necessary to go where God is calling you, of course, and to be involved in things that are good and interesting or important to oneself. Little did I know that my strong belief in the pro-life cause would bring me to the man I admire more than any other!

I have always felt that it was important, too, not to just wait around for “the one” to show up. I really liked what you said about the need for a young woman to establish adult independence. My best to Elise!

Laura writes:

It is possible to get a good liberal arts education at a small number of colleges, but college is not necessary to get one. For instance, The Teaching Company offers excellent courses from some of the top professors in the country. It’s not the same experience as college, but is much less expensive and obviously does not present the passion parties and decadence of the contemporary college scene.

Van Wijk writes:

Attending college has become something of a religious phenomenon in America. The expectation is that 100% of American children should attend college, get a degree, and float effortlessly into a lucrative job, which they think belongs to them by right of education. Unfortunately, that formula is not conducive to a functioning society. Can you imagine a country where everyone went to work in a suit, with no tradesmen or working class? America made a colossal mistake in insisting that everyone go to college rather than into the trades. As a result we have too many of the over-educated and unemployed and not enough electricians, masons, computer technicians, etc. It’s obvious that some people just aren’t meant for college (myself included), but even so they’re told that they are failures for not going. “Go to college or else” is a fundamentally liberal mindset. 

Also, I don’t believe modern colleges are any longer in the business of providing education. Unless a student’s major is in the hard sciences, it’s safe to say that he or she will hand over enormous sums (and easily go six figures into debt) in exchange for simple brainwashing, both in and out of the classroom. And now many recent graduates are realizing that the good jobs they were promised simply don’t exist. Add all the parts together and college comes out as a net loss for many people.

As far as matchmaking goes, aren’t most colleges dens of decadent sexuality? I can’t imagine they’d be the best place to go to find a husband or wife, and if Elise went she would endure four or more years of constant pressure to conform to a free-and-easy sexual lifestyle.

Laura writes:

Elise has definitely decided not to go, for good reason, but she will have to go out into the world in some sense to find a marriageable man.

Karen writes:

Perhaps Elise can meet someone online, at a Christian dating site. I have no experience with these myself, but I do know of more than one couple who met online and eventually married. Perhaps her church has a youth group or a friend or relative knows of someone who would like to date a nice girl. Elise may not get as many dates as a girl who trolls the bars but she is choosing quality over quantity. 

I think it would be important for a girl like Elise to make sure she builds a life while she waits for a husband. Even a good man could be put off by the idea of a girl just sitting around waiting for him all the time. If college is not a good fit for her, she may want to consider continuing education classes. They have classes like that where I live and they teach everything from computer skills to sewing, cooking and knitting, all valuable skills for a future homemaker. Some of these type of classes, like photography or computers could also be another way to meet a decent man.

Laura writes:

Judging from Elise’s comments, she does not care only about finding a man. When a woman openly states that she is interested in marriage, and that her home will be the center of her life, people often assume that she has no other interests or desires in life, that she is a passive leech. This can sometimes be the case, but the majority of women are not this way.

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