DARCIA NARVAEZ, an ethicist and psychologist, recently did an excellent, lucid series of posts for Psychology Today on the many benefits of human milk for babies and young children. Afterward, she was subject to a ruthless pummeling by female readers, who accused her of mental illness, of writing “garbage” and displaying gross insensitivity to fragile mothers. One would think Narvaez, in her defense of breastfeeding, had asked women to scale the Himalayas on behalf of their children. One reader wrote:

Opinions like these are better kept to yourself, as an expert in Ethics I wonder if you are aware of the ethical implications of sharing such biased opinions….

Another reader wrote:

I am very disappointed in Psychology Today. I think that it should produce the research to back up these claims if this piece is allowed to remain in it’s content. It is a journal intended to help people, and this article only hurts. It is judgmental, opinionated and one-sided. It does not take into account the damage that it can have on a vulnerable, depressed, anxious mother.

                                                  — Comments —

Karen I. writes:

I had two difficult births with my two children that left me uncertain about breastfeeding. With the first, I had a hospital acquired staph infection after an emergency c-section for a life-threatening complication. The trauma from the birth and the massive doses of antibiotics to stop the staph infection made me a poor candidate for breastfeeding. With the second child, the birth was not so difficult that I could not breastfeed, though I did require intensive care for several hours afterwards. I more or less used that as an excuse to not breastfeed, to be honest, and I did not think it was a big deal because my first child had done great on formula. 

My decision to not breastfeed my second did her a terrible disservice, though I did not know it at first. She was the picture of health when she was born and the bottle feeding seemed to work just fine for both of us. Then, when she was six days old, I noticed her breathing seemed odd. For several months, doctors assured me it was probably just congestion that caused her breathing to be so noisy. I was not convinced. She had big circles under her eyes all the time and she was very pale. She became quite thin, she developed a rash all over that the doctors said was severe eczema, and she was a terrible sleeper. By four months old, she had what felt like a “rattle” in her chest when she breathed and one day, she was so obviously struggling, I took her to the ER, where she was admitted to the hospital and placed in an oxygen tent. She was diagnosed with infant bronchiolitis, which is what asthma was called in children until age 3 or so. We were sent home with a nebulizer and nebulizer treatments became a regular part of our lives, as did visits to a pediatric pulmonologist who prescribed inhaled steroids as well. When she was sick, sometimes all that was not enough and we would have to go to the ER for her to get her oxygen checked. If it was not good, she would sometimes get steroid shots in her little legs. It was heartbreaking. 

By age 3, my daughter continued to be plagued by eczema that was resistant to treatment, and she had also developed acid reflux so severe she was vomiting daily. Her weight was so low she was close to a “failure to thrive” diagnosis and a nutritionist was added to her growing list of doctors. A new pediatrician we brought her to said that she seemed to have the “genetic profile” of a highly allergic child. She suggested a food allergy might be making the eczema and asthma worse and she ordered tests. While we were waiting to get the appointment for testing, my daughter said she had an “itchy mouth” while she was eating ice cream one day. I knew that was a sign of anaphylaxis and I called the doctor immediately. Sure enough, the tests showed a milk and egg allergy. 

It took a long time for my daughter to become healthy again, but she is now just like any other child. She outgrew the allergies, but it took a long time. I will always regret not breastfeeding. If I had done so, I could have protected her from the allergies. We would have known when she had her first sips of real milk that it was causing a problem and we could have addressed the situation quickly. Because she always had a milk-based formula, we had no idea that was behind her medical problems and the doctors did not, either. 

I think all mothers who can breastfeed should give it a try. I am far from the only mother who encountered food allergies in a child. Many babies end up on prescription formulas due to allergies. These formulas are extremely expensive. They have to be ordered by prescription and picked up at a pharmacy. At that point, feeding is a medical problem, and it is extremely stressful for parents and baby. In my daughter’s case, she wound up at age three on a medical formula that is typically used to prevent malnutrition via I.V. in the hospital. It cost over $80 a can, and was mixed into her rice milk to keep her from being malnourished when the eggs and milk (in all forms) were not in her diet. 

Looking back, I would have much rather breastfed my daughter than spend the first three years in what became an increasingly horrible existence for all of us. What should have been wonderful years turned into a nightmare as our lives revolved around one medical crisis after another and one doctor after another. We lived through the dark side of formula feeding, which was worse than anything we could have imagined.

Laura writes:

I hope you resist the temptation to indulge in regrets. You did what you thought was best at the time. Period.

Hurricane Betsy writes:

I was told by the promoters of breastfeeding that my body could simply not produce deficient milk, ie, milk that was lacking in some of the nutrients a baby needs. Many years later, I see that this was a lie, though not a deliberate one.

The Weston Price Foundation (no, I do not support their superrich diet as suitable for everyone, all of the time) has said that women who are themselves malnourished will indeed make deficient milk, thereby endangering their babies’ health. Their advice is for the nursing woman to eat a high-test diet according to its recommendations. In some cases they say a woman who does not wish to consume such a rich diet should absolutely NOT breastfeed, but instead make a home-made formula. However, the home-made formula sounds rather dreadful, but this is another topic.

Mrs. H. writes:

One of the most important support systems a nursing woman has is her mother and other female relatives. The encouragement and expectation is much more natural and lifelong than any government or social campaign.

Most of us have this maternal history, with varying number of “greats”, depending on our age and region: 1) great-grandmother breastfed 2) grandmother was told her body could not support the infant’s appetite, or she “dried up” (my own grandmother in the 50’s, mother-in-law in the 80’s, and Hurricane Betsy all were fed the “deficiency” line); 3) then mother was inspired by the Breast is Best or La Leche League movements in the 60s-80s. Now I, the daughter of a LLL leader, am completely at ease nursing. But it took a generation of reeducation to get back on track. The grassroots social movements supported my mom, but she had a terrible time of it, and suffered all kinds of scorn from her doctors and the general public. Her mom couldn’t be called in the middle of the night. But now I have a mom who not only expects me to nurse, but is available to answer all kinds of questions. Being exposed to nursing helps, too. Our church, home school group, even neighbors, nursed, and I saw blanket-covered shoulders all the time growing up.

I could apply this generational education to a few other topics, including labor and childbirth, and learning Latin. My mom was always very positive about laboring and birthing, in a self-conscience way (“it’s work, not pain”) and I’ve never been scared of it, or considered myself incapable, even as I realize my life may be in danger. My parents did not know Latin at all, but had me privately tutored. Now I chant declensions and conjugations with my 2 and 4 old, and it will be sooooo much easier for them to learn the language than it was for me.

I do not mean to judge those who have faced nursing difficulties. I have had mastitis, cracked nipples, a baby eating every hour 24/7, a lazy eater who would open her mouth and give up as soon as my milk dropped, soaking herself, me, and the bedcovers, etc. Even I was surprised at how much hard work it is, this “natural” process. Doesn’t natural mean “come naturally”? No. It means you and baby have to learn to do it right, and that usually takes 2-3 months, if there are no real physical or biological problems. And sometimes you have to relearn with every single baby.

So many societal factors working against nursing! When mothers had more children, you saw mom nurse your siblings. Now, with only 2-3 kids per couple, no one remembers their mom nursing, even if she nursed each a year or more. After (almost) 4 kids, I have probably received $200-worth of free formula from OBGyn offices and hospitals. My mom thinks I should throw it out, but I usually give it to someone who has already switched to formula. One of the best ways to cure a nursing problem is lay in bed with the newborn for 3 days to a week. Seriously. Who has the womenfolk around to help out with the house and other kids so you CAN do that? Who wouldn’t be super-embarrassed to lay around in bed so long, even if you did just have a baby? Get back to work!

Hurricane Betsy: I like the Weston Price diet, but I’m pretty sure he was as prejudiced against breast milk as his contemporaries (1930s-1950s). All the various studies cited show that breastfed babies are healthier, including in poorer countries, being fed by malnourished moms (or even in richer countries, where moms are eating empty carbs and skim milk). Most people are NOT on the Nourishing Traditions diet. But breast is still best. If I had to resort to formula in an emergency, I would probably try homemade recipes first. But saying that a mom should have a perfect and organic fat-rich diet will go a long way to discourage anyone from nursing ever.

Hurricane Betsy writes:

I really enjoyed reading Mrs. H’s opinions and her own story. For my part, on my first child, instead of giving up because of cracked nipples and countless other problems not unlike Mrs. H’s, I stuck with it, but had to stop for the 9 days it took my nipples to heal. After that I was on fire and all went well. I believe that if I had forced myself to nurse day after day with cracked and hurting nipples, I would have just quit once and for all. Giving myself permission to feed the baby formula, the dreaded formula, was the right thing for me. I went on to nurse this child for four years.

Elsewhere on The Thinking Housewife there is a more cultural discussion of nursing. I am pretty sure, from observations, discussions, and listening to others elsewhere, that there are some sexual- and husband-related motivations for not nursing at all or quitting after three months. There are disturbed men out there who don’t want to see Baby sucking on “his”, i.e., the husband’s, sex toys. And mixed-up women, too. I was told by one, “This is civilization, Betsy. We don’t need to do this.” Good thing I kept my trap shut on being told this or I could have gotten into some serious legal trouble.

Mrs. H. writes:

I’m sorry, Betsy. I see now that I completely misread the first part of your comment. I should not read and respond to blog posts after 11pm. 

I do agree that proper nutrition is necessary for healthy milk, but even deficient human milk is better than standard formula. I disagree that “a woman who does not wish to consume such a rich diet [very high in animal fats] should absolutely NOT breastfeed, but instead make a home-made formula.” The woman who does not eat well herself (unless she is vegetarian for religious or ethical reasons) probably will not buy the healthiest formula, or make protein and fat-rich formula from raw goat milk and beef broth. But those who told you that no matter what your diet, your body will always produce excellent nutrition for your baby, were of course wrong. A mom can not feed herself and her baby on oreos and Coke.

Yes, I agree that sexually-motivated reasons are behind much of the stigma surrounding breastfeeding. I believe this ultimately comes from separating sex from procreation.

Mrs. H. adds:

This discussion reminded me of a quote by Robert Farrar Capon from his book Bed and Board. Of course, this quote applies to nursing, but also so much more!

“Your body is the first thing any child of man ever wanted. Be there for them with a vengeance. Be a gracious, bending woman. Incline your ear, your heart, your hands to them. Be found warm and comfortable, and disposed to affection. Be ready to be done by and to welcome their casual effusions with something better than preoccupation and indifference.”

Mabel LeBeau writes:

Marrying in the late 70’s, I don’t recall much debate about whether ‘to’ or ‘not to’. The matter wasn’t discussed.

My husband was a citizen of a country in which babies are provided top beneficial care (‘socialized medicine’) and the informed citizens were expected to do the best for the little ones including provide adequate nutrition from the beginning, which of course encompassed providing breastmilk.

I asked my mother with excellent health and seven healthy pregnancies if she had breastfed us, and she said she tried it with me for a certain length of time, as firstborn, but after that, there was not enough time (multiple birth pregnancies). I lived 1,000s of miles away from relatives when my sons were born, and was fairly confident that I was in good health and good shape for providing live birth of a child.

We were poor students, no money for extra equipment and special formulas, no time for fussy boiling bottles (I remember with my second son, providing a set of formula bottles, when he had nothing to do with breastfeeding after seven months, and boiling the aluminum clad pan until the water was gone, and dropped an aluminum kiss on the burner, and the rubber nipples melted into a sorry mass of hydrogen sulfide bonds. Providing baby with homegrown was a lot simpler than all the accoutrements.)

No one questioned me; I had no social pressure to do one thing or the other. If I felt uncomfortable, I retired to the ladies’ room, or the car, or wherever. My sons were satisfied, quiet, calm, and closely bonded with their mother. However, my older son who took a breast until sometime after 2 years old inherited his atopic diseases from my side of the family. His milk supply had nothing to do with cradle cap, eczema, asthma, nor multiple environmental allergies.

I was a little startled to find ten years later after my first child that there was a movement to provide lactation coaching, lactation rooms at work, and even special underwear for nursing. I figured why make a big deal of it when it was going to be beneficial in the long run? It was a lot easier to feed on a regular ‘I’m hungry’ schedule than by a clock.

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