ONE OF the biggest threats to the institution of homemaking is the woman who does all things for all people, who never says no, never leaves time for her own interests and pursuits; answers every call for help with fundraising, and leaves herself open by her excessive selflessness and pride in her conscientiousness to sieges of resentment and bitterness.
Feminism gained tremendous momentum from women like this.
When Betty Friedan told them they had no identity of their own and suffered from the “problem with no name,” they responded with a shock of recognition. Instead of seeking to balance their lives, they became revolutionaries.
Domesticity should not come with self-obliteration. The happiest housewives are those who build a zone of separateness and independence within themselves and reserve time to cultivate their own interests and talents. It’s okay to say no. A person who does not have a paying job is not required to make up for those who do by performing all the volunteer work.
Running a home and taking care of children involve work. Some women (others have no problem with this issue and may even suffer from the opposite extreme) feel that all this doesn’t count as work and so try to make up for it by excessive busyness, organizing all kinds of activities and driving millions of miles a day. No wonder a job often seems better. At least at a job, the tasks are delimited and you don’t have to worry about saying no because you have somewhere you have to be.
(That said, the most serious threat to domesticity is our monetary system, which has progressively impoverished the middle class so that for many women there is little possibility of remaining home to raise their children.)
