JILL FARRIS writes:

As the mother of eight children who writes and speaks on mothering I wanted to add my observation [as to] why Michelle Obama would allow her daughter to hang all over her. It is true (as Kidist Paulos Asrat wrote) that she is a distant mother. Thus, when she is with her children she thinks that physical closeness is proof that she is “close” to her children and that they have a “deep” relationship. Actually, my observation is that mothers who feel guilty and who err on the side of permissiveness because of that guilt, let their children hang all over them. I’ve observed children who play with their mother’s hair and comb it and are allowed to do that even when the mother is visiting with adults.

Of course, these actions are not the sign of a close relationship (as the mother falsely convinces herself) but of disrespect. The pose in the photograph is actually very disrespectful to a mother but Michelle wouldn’t know that because she doesn’t know very much about mothering…not because she only has two children but because she is a feminist and contemplation of such things as mothering and mother/daughter discipline and teaching is “beneath” her. (more…)

AT Corporette, a website for feminist go-getters, an unmarried career woman describes the soulless process of freezing her eggs and fertilized embryos for future use. She admits that the procedure makes her momentarily “sad, lonely, depressed, desperate,” but does not consider the possibility that it might someday make her children “sad, lonely, depressed, desperate.” Instead of realizing that she has been lied to about everything, most of all about this, she enthusiastically recommends the same choice to others. She writes:

[I]n our first appointment, the doctor told me that frozen embryos are more viable children than frozen eggs alone. I hadn’t actually thought of freezing embryos, and my reaction to his suggestion surprised me. Although I have never believed that life starts at conception/fertilization (and still don’t), the thought of creating embryos, freezing them, and then possibly not using them, gave me pause. It just felt more personal, somehow, and like somehow it created the obligation for me to use all of them. (more…)

  AT Camera Lucida, Kidist Paulos Asrat compares the Obama family Christmas portraits to presidential family portraits of the past. This 2011 portrait is noticeably lacking in formality. It reminds me of the strange tendency families have today to express exaggerated affection for each other in public. Kidist addresses this point.

AT The Brussels Journal, Thomas F. Bertonneau writes of Franz Liszt’s “passionate fusion of musical art and religious conviction:” 

Wagner, before Nietzsche, was a revaluator of values. Liszt, while never as verbally astute as Wagner, was a re-revaluator of values, a natural agent of the type of counter-revolution recommended by Joseph de Maistre, whom Liszt read and admired. Liszt naturally – in his life and work – understood that while Wagner had recorded history accurately, he had interpreted history inaccurately. In Wagner’s aesthetic-ethical history, the crumbling away of religious illusion opened the space for the belated self-divination of the genius or hero, who as artist-politician would redeem society from its corruption through the éclat of his example. Wagner could adore the music of Palestrina and Bach, or “Christian Harmony,” as magnificent instances of musical self-expression, but not as signs pointing to a transcendental referent – he enjoyed them shorn, that is, of the deity to whom the polyphony was worshipfully directed. For Liszt, a loss, for example the loss of faith, was real, and could only be made good through reinstitution. (more…)

SEVERAL READERS expressed interest in Ingres’s famous 1845 painting of the Comtesse d’Haussonville, which I posted recently without comment. Though the image here does not do justice to the arresting colors and lifelike gaze, it’s still worth a second look. (Click on the image for a larger version.) The Comtesse’s marble white skin is so lovely in this ravishing blue gown against the blue mantel. Her unusual pose was perhaps inspired by classical statues of the muses. Her blue eyes, with unusually large pupils, suggest a penetrating inquisitiveness and detachment. She wears the most restrained of smiles and is not intent on proving  bouyant happiness. On the mantle, in between the classical vases, there are a small pile of visiting cards and pots of pink and salmon-colored chrysanthemums, suggesting feminine busyness. Everything is exquisitely refined and yet she lends it an inviting warmth and unpretentiousness. (more…)

[NOTE: See a reader’s correction below. Hitchens did not have a “British” accent. There is no such thing.]

IN AN entry at VFR, a reader quotes this anonymous online comment about Christopher Hitchens and the tendency of Americans to fall head over heels for glib British intellectuals:

He and Arianna H[uffington] were/are masters of that Oxbridge debating team thing that Americans lap up, remarkably fluid and fluent in their ability to think on their feet or seat. One need only think of the average presidential candidate’s stumbling utterances expressing ugly ideological claptrap to understand why these British-trained contrarians and freethinkers have been embraced as civilized truth tellers. But the downside of such verbal pyrotechnics is glibness and inchoate thinking. Pontificating that fast one doesn’t really know where one’s going and is then obliged to defend one’s half-baked conclusions with ferocious wit as if they were actually well-considered. Hitchens always reminded me of a rich, Public School bully, like the young Steerforth of David Copperfield (before his comeuppance), or, especially, Flashman, the ghastly cad you-love-to hate of Tom Brown’s Schooldays and GM Fraser’s further adventures of the boastful, beastly braggart. I’ll miss him making sport but the world has not lost a great intellectual and humanitarian. 

(more…)

SARAH writes:

After reading Sarah Nelson’s contribution to your site, I would like to make a contribution of my own. We are a family of three (becoming four next year!) and live on a single wage. We have also had foster children in the past.

We rent a small, 60-year-old home and have found our expenses to be incredibly minimal. In fact, we had $5,000 in cash left over this December, just from cinching the belt just a little more. We have never been bankrupt, do not have any loans or debts. We have never missed a payment on a bill. Most families we know struggle on two high paying wages and are always in incredible debt.

Here are a few suggestions. (more…)

WHAT KIND of society applauds women who want to be away from their young children? A sick society. You may have seen the many, many articles this week reporting on a small study that supposedly shows that women who take care of their children full-time are unhappier than women who are away from them. Instead of questioning what conditions and pressures might bring about such an unnatural state of affairs or offering any substantive analysis at all of the findings, the articles uniformly suggest that because a small number of women according to the lead women psychologists are unhappier with their children then it must be good that women in large numbers leave their young children for full- or “part-time” jobs, which are defined as jobs that occupy between one and 30 hours a week.

Once again the structure of home, work and society – indeed the whole social order – is reduced to the question of whether women surveyed by women psychologists are “happy.” (more…)

SARAH NELSON, a reader of this site, is a genius of domestic economy. I have added a lengthy comment of hers to this previous entry in which she describes all she has done to cut costs and make it possible for her to live on her husband’s salary. Readers who are struggling to do the same thing will find it encouraging and informative. Mrs. Nelson makes her own diapers, toothpaste and cleaning products. She elevates frugality to an art form. Below is her description of how to make homemade perfume. Even a man could follow her ideas and produce an inexpensive gift for his wife.   (more…)

IN A previous entry, a reader discussed the athletic, manly appearance of ballerinas performing The Nutcracker. Another reader, Rita Jane, here explains how American ballet has embraced technical mastery, a development evident in musical training as well. Her comment includes video clips in which you can see the difference between the athleticism of American ballerinas and dancers who follow an older European style.

Rita Jane writes:

Ballet has changed radically in the last 50 or so years. It has become much more athletic, and the sheer physical strength required to perform a ballerina’s steps is much, much greater. Larger muscles and less body fat (much easier to jump high if you have less weight to make airborne) are an inevitable result of this choreography. (more…)

JILL FARRIS writes the following in regard to Senate Bill 1877, which would require all adults to report any suspected child abuse:

Our social services system is only interested in “saving” a child when there is money to be made in the effort. Always follow the money trail. I believe that our social services system and Child Protection Services constitute one of the greatest evils unleashed on our land.

Teachers, physicians and others in authority are already required to report any suspicion of abuse resulting in many false accusations and ruined lives. After all, it’s easier to report it “just in case” than to be held liable for not reporting it if it turns out to be abuse. Remember, the psychologists, social workers and judges define abuse in any way that will cause a child to need their assistance because there is great financial gain to be had by doing so. (more…)

AT HER blog Camera Lucida, Kidist Paulos Asrat writes about the beauty of poinsettias:

I love poinsettias. I love their deep (almost bluish) red which contrasts with the dark green. I love that the red “petals” are really leaves themselves, and that sometimes the green leaves have strands of red in them. But best of all, I love the feeling of Christmas that poinsettias inspire, almost as much as a Christmas tree. But, as I’ve written here and here, Christmas trees are reflecting less and less that Christmas spirit, since even their name has been denied them to avoid the Christmas season altogether.

How can poinsettias be offensive to anyone? And what can they be re-named, to avoid their association with this particular holiday? Poinsettias they will remain, and they may be one of the few symbols left of a true Christmas. (more…)

  A READER writes: I recently attended a performance of The Nutcracker in a midsized city in the western U.S. The sets were spectacular, the music wonderful. But I was struck by the physical persona of most of the performers. Of course the men were in male costume and the women female, but the bodies appeared almost interchangeable. The men were small, not muscular, and many of the (flat-chested) women almost as large as the men. It appeared they could have lifted and carried the men as easily as the other way around. Neither did the choreography emphasize masculinity or femininity, but must have come from some nether region of movement that fit everyone and yet no one. Even the makeup had an androgynous, one-size-fits-all look to it. BEAUTY and GRACE as well as masculinity and femininity were missing. I've attended other performances in the past and never noticed this before. But, alas, that was before I took up with The Thinking Housewife...

NICHOLAS writes:

Larissa Faw’s statement that men take more breaks, walks, and lunches out during work is accurate in my view. I’m employed in an office where a huge majority of my coworkers are female. I have one close male friend here, and we both take far more breaks and walks together during the work day than are typically taken by our female coworkers.

I believe the discrepancy has two causes, one positive and one negative. The positive one is that my friend and I crave male communion and solidarity in a sea of females, and the result has been a strong friendship with this man; our families see each other outside of work and will remain friends even after we are no longer coworkers. The negative reason that we break away from work more often than the women is in order to escape the distressing aura of petty anger and work-idolatry which flows from the embedded feminism of the office.

I wholeheartedly concur with Laura’s frequent observation that certain males, when faced with many (or mostly) females at work, will respond to this unnatural arrangement by withdrawing and/or refusing to engage fully in the competitive aspects of work. (more…)

READING A REPORT by the National Marriage Project, which studies and promotes matrimony, is about as inspiring as reading a car manual. In its latest State of Our Unions report, the Marriage Project writes:

[Y]oung men and women need to understand that paths exist in society that allow for successful navigation through the contemporary challenges of marriage and parenthood. This report suggests that, for many young adults, the best path for forming and sustaining a family is a hybrid marriage that incorporates features from the newer soul-mate model with features from the older institutional model. Such a hybrid marriage allows today’s young men and women to forge a marital friendship that is more likely to be both generally happy as well as enduring, one that, over the long-term, benefits, adults and children and affords women and men the opportunity to live a life that feels ultimately meaningful. (more…)

 ALAN writes:

Some years ago I was looking through a decades-old magazine when a full-page color advertisement for the Greyhound Bus Company commanded my attention. I clipped it and saved it. It appeared in a December 1945 issue of the Saturday Evening Post. It is from another moral and cultural universe and a better one.  (more…)

READ this chilling account of Senate Bill 1877, which would require every adult in America to be a reporter of child abuse and neglect. According to the Home School Legal Defense Association, the bill would result in an unprecedented intrusion of state power into the private sphere and an increase in false allegations:

In conclusion, S. 1877 will lead to a massive increase in child abuse and neglect investigations upon families. (more…)

MICHELE FLOURNOY, the highest ranking military woman in American history, announced her resignation today, stating that she is leaving her position as Under Secretary of Defence for Policy to spend more time with her three children, the youngest of whom is nine, according to the Associated Press.

Instead of openly admitting that she has been neglecting her duties at home and expressing remorse that she now will be abandoning her duties to her country, Flournoy resorts to the nauseating, self-exculpating language of “balance.″ “Right now I need to recalibrate a little bit and invest a little bit more in the family account for a while,” she said.

Leon Panetta stated in his own touchy-feely statement about her resignation: “I will personally miss her valued counsel, but I understand the stresses and strains that holding senior administration positions can have on families.” The defense secretary did not point out that those stresses and strains are unique to women or at least imply that married women don’t belong in the highest ranks because of their family responsibilities. Flournoy’s departure is portrayed as a purely personal matter and not a form of betrayal. After many years of costly investment in her career, in grooming that might have gone to a man who would not have the same stresses and strains, she is leaving. Married women are extreme risks at the top and there is an impenetrable wall of silence about the waste of so much training. (more…)