Memories of Casual Neglect

 

Karen I. writes in response to the previous post about the “amazing” progress women have made since the 1960s:

 

Born in 1971, I was a member of one of the first generations of children whose mothers routinely left their children to outside care so they could go to work full time. My father had a good, not great, job but one a family could live on and my mother chose to work so they could have more material possessions. When I was small, I used to forget where I was supposed to go after school because caregivers included my grandparents, my mother sometimes, a neighbor, my mother’s workplace (where I would sit quietly for two hours and wait for her to take us home), or an after-school program. My mother sometimes used all these options in one school week, so there was no consistency. Every caregiver, including my mother and grandmother, acted like we were a burden and I remember my poor grandmother lying down in the middle of the day, exhausted from long days of caring (for no pay at all) for the small children of her three successful working daughters’ children.

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Society Collapses and Feminists Rush to Take Credit

 
 
 
Since the 1960s, women have made enormous strides. It’s amazing. They have unhappier marriages, more divorce, about half as many children if they’re college-educated, less free time, fatter children, dumber children, more psychologically disturbed children, lonelier lives, messier homes, and husbands who often earn less money than they do. Is this what Gail Collins means by amazing in her latest encomium to feminist progress, When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present?

I don’t know anyone clinically sane who thinks life in America is actually better today, when nearly one fourth of college-educated women don’t have children at all, than it was in the 1960s. By every gauge of social welfare, things are dramatically worse. The percentage of babies born to unwed mothers has increased sevenfold. The proportion of children living in single-parent households has tripled. The divorce rate has doubled. More than a million new children every year are affected by parental divorce. The number of children who live apart from the biological fathers has doubled, increasing fom 17 percent to 34 percent.

Children who grow up in single-parent households or with divorced parents have significantly worse outcomes in life in every area. In fact, they have negative outcomes at two to three times the rate of children from two-parent married households.  But, even though at least half of these children are females, Collins actually thinks things have gotten better. According to this reviewer, things were “positively medieval” for women back in the 1960s. So medieval that women were barred from jury duty in some states so they could see to their domestic duties. Oh happy, happy day!

Collins must narrow her gaze on the few seize-the-day female careerists in her midst, women who are perfectly happy to not see or raise their children, if they indeed have any, and to divorce their husbands. She basks in ludicrous examples of female oppression. Reviewer Francine Prose states:

The early pages of Ms. Collins’s book are peppered with accounts of incidents so outrageous they almost seem like jokes. A draft of a Congressional bill to insure equal pay for women was discovered to have been filed “under B — for ‘broads.’ ” At a pregraduation party at Barnard, one woman remembers, students who were engaged to be married were handed corsages, while their classmates without engagement rings were presented with lemons.

Imagine that. Corsages for women. If that’s medieval, this must be the Stone Age.

 

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If Homosexuality is Genetically Determined, Is it Good?

 

Rose responds to the post How to Disown Your Parents, in which I stated, If desire cannot be trained or modified [in homosexuals], the same is true for heterosexuals and for pedophiles:” 

Friedman does not appreciate the traditional corollaries that accompany his biological determinism. Certainly if men can be born with inherently feminine natures and women with inherently masculine ones, it must follow that women can have inherently feminine natures and men inherently masculine ones. But that would be sexist. This is rather like the leftist contradiction that a male transsexual’s desire to wear a frilly dress and ribbons is congenital and instinctive and to be tolerated (or celebrated) for that reason but a woman’s desire to do the same is merely an arbitrary social construction. Friedman’s essentialism stands in stark contrast to the Foucauldian theories recently condemned at View from the Right. Gay activists and sympathizers tend to bounce back and forth between the two positions depending on which is useful to them at the moment.

Laura’s point about pedophilia is a good one and it is for this reason actually that I think conservatives should on principle refuse to argue about whether homosexuality is genetic. Successfully reformed pedophiles are rare but whether a desire is inborn or not has nothing to do with the moral status of its expression.

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One Conscientious Objector

  Keith Bardwell, the Louisiana justice of the peace who made national news for refusing to marry an interracial couple, continues to be disarmingly honest in his statements about the incident. His candor and lack of racial animosity have probably made a few people think twice and the story has briefly reopened an ancient theme that is now rarely discussed in public. "It's kind of hard to apologize for something that you really and truly feel down in your heart you haven't done wrong," Bardwell told a radio reporter over the weekend.  He refused to officiate at a ceremony involving a black man and a white woman. He said he does not approve of interracial marriage because of its effect on children. "I've had countless numbers of people that was born in that situation, and that they claim that the blacks or the whites didn't accept the children," Bardwell told CBS. "And I didn't want to put the children in that position."   .

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How to Disown Your Parents

  If parents reject an adult child for embracing homosexuality, they are guilty of scientific ignorance and should be disowned for their hostility to truth, according to Dr. Richard Friedman, professor of psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College. In a column  about "toxic" parents in yesterday's New York Times, Friedman described a patient who was harshly criticized by his family for his homosexuality. Friedman met with the man and his parents to bring about a reconciliation. He wrote: The session did not go well. The parents insisted that his “lifestyle” was a grave sin, incompatible with their deeply held religious beliefs. When I tried to explain that the scientific consensus was that he had no more choice about his sexual orientation than the color of his eyes, they were unmoved. They simply could not accept him as he was. I was stunned by their implacable hostility and convinced that they were a psychological menace to my patient. As such, I had to do something I have never contemplated before in treatment. At the next session I suggested that for his psychological well-being he might consider, at least for now, forgoing a relationship with his parents. Friedman is one of a vast army of psychology professionals who spout this pseudo-scientific bigotry. The major professional organizations, such as the American Psychological Association, virtually command orthodoxy on the subject, untroubled by the fact that homosexuals were capable of essentially changing the color of their eyes in less tolerant times. If a person has no…

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Bearer of Roses and Apples

God is in all of nature. Paradise is eternal springs, blooming roses and an unending harvest of apples. Such were the convictions of Saint Dorothy, believed to be the subject of this exquisite painting by the Venetian artist Sebastiano del Piombo. I like to think of Dorothy as protectress of gardeners, especially as they lay down their spades and pitchforks for winter. Dorothy lived in the Roman province of Cappodocia, now in Turkey, during the reign of Diocletian. Her story is filled with poetical beauty. According to legend, she was condemned to die after refusing to marry or to renounce her faith. She was said to have declared: "I serve the Son of God, Christ, mine espoused! His dwelling is Paradise; by His side are joys eternal; and in His garden grow celestial fruits and roses that never fade!" It was winter and, en route to her execution, she was approached by a cynical young lawyer, Theophilus, who derisively asked her to send him some of the roses she had spoken of on joining her bridegroom. To which, she answered, "Thy request, O Theophilus, is granted!" The young woman was beheaded and, immediately after, an angel appeared to him with a basket of celestial fruit and flowers, saying, "Dorothy sends thee these!" Gerard Manley Hopkins imagined Theophilus' response in his poem, St. Dorothea: You waned into the world of light, Yet made your market here as well: My eyes hold yet the rinds and bright Remainder of a miracle. O this is bringing! Tears may swarm While such a wonder's wet and warm! Legend has it that…

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Why Not Support Palin?

 

In the following exchange, a reader challenges my comments about Sarah Palin. I present what I believe to be the traditionalist woman’s case against Palin for president.  

Elizabeth P. writes:

Many of your comments I find great rapport with, until I read the one concerning Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin, and their husbands [see preceding entry].

It is perhaps stretching it a bit to say that Sarah Palin is a dedicated mother in the light of the unhappy events surrounding her daughter. But there have sadly been many families who have had a daughter go astray in the area of morality, and hopefully everyone is sadder yet wiser and forgiven as well. So to out-and-out say that she is not a dedicated mother is, I believe, a bit uncharitable.

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The Conservative Man Holds the Purse

 

    

A G.O.P. Agitator Whose Name Is Not Palin
Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, New York Times

 

Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, of Minnesota, was the subject of a profile yesterday in the New York Times. She is an up-and-coming Republican star.  In her recent statements on health care reform, she has questioned the Constitutional authority for a federal mandate on health insurance. Bachmann, who is pretty and a frequent guest on cable news shows, has been accused of spreading “reckless lies” by Democrats. This speaks well to her honesty and principles. 

I like many of the public statements Bachmann has made, except for this:

 “Sarah Palin is a dedicated mother, committed public servant and strong political figure who has fought hard to protect life, the family budget, and freedom.”

Palin is not a dedicated mother and has done nothing to support the family budget, which has been decimated by the sort of feminism Palin exemplifies. Bachmann, by the way, has five children. Her husband, in a nice reversal of roles, is a clinical therapist, and they have reportedly taken in some 23 foster children. This is the conservative feminist ideal:  hyper-domesticity and hyper-careerism at the same time. Plus a man who holds the purse.

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Dear Housewife

 

A female reader writes:

I really enjoy your blog and I have read it since its inception.

I was wondering if you could find it in your heart to give me some advice, as an older wife to a younger one who is isolated from normal wives.

What is a traditional wife to do when she is sick, especially if the illness is long-term and may never resolve itself? I feel like such a failure. I can’t cook for my family or clean my own house. I can barely care for my children adequately.

I feel like there must be some kind of women’s wisdom as to what I am supposed to be doing in this situation, that I just never got, like I never got anything else I needed to know about how to run a household.

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Fatherhood and Democracy

The ideal voter or political representative in any high-functioning democracy is the father. He is more important politically than the mother;  more important than the young man without children or the single woman; more important as a type than even the property owner. Wise democracy would limit the franchise to fathers. There may be great statesmen or thinkers who have no children, men such as Alexis de Tocqueville who possess vision and insight. But, the ordinary father is more crucial to civilization; without him, it cannot prosper over the long term. In the father, the impersonal and personal, the abstract and concrete, the public and private are more likely to exist in the sort of harmony that makes for good political judgment. By father, I don't mean any man who has biologically reproduced, but the man who is married and takes part in rearing his children and has an active bond with them, whether they are young or adults. For a woman, the world is personal and her influence is pervasive whether she has the vote or not. For the man without children, the future is not as alive; even property or personal wealth may not make him care for those who will live many decades from now. The father is more apt to possess both public-spiritedness and loyalty, dispassion and compassion. Patriarchy is often misunderstood. Too often it conjures images of despotic chiefs or overlords. A democratic patriarchy is…

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Therapists Abandon Children’s Interests

 

The California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT) devoted a special issue of its bimonthly journal The Therapist to same-sex marriage last spring. It included articles both for and against homosexual unions. After receiving a barrage of complaints from homosexual activists and their supporters, the organization, which represents 30,000 therapists, removed the opposing pieces last month. It then apologized to its members and, in a convoluted statement that appears to mollify both supporters and critics, came out squarely against Proposition 8, the state constitutional amendment supporting traditional marriage.

In one of the expunged articles, Dawn Stefanowicz, an author and accountant, discusses life with her gay father.

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The Quintessential Female Reformer

 

Few have captured the female humanitarian with such devastating precision as Henry James. Here is his description of Miss Birdseye, the Boston lady reformer of his novel The Bostonians. She  lives on, different and yet the same, in cities such as Cambridge, San Francisco, London and Oslo.

She looked as if she had spent her life on platforms, in audiences, in conventions, in phalansteries, in séances; in her faded face there was a kind of reflection of ugly lecture lamps; with its habit of an upward angle, it seemed turned toward a pubic speaker, with an effort of respiration in the thick air in which social reforms are usually discussed. She talked continually, in a voice of which the spring seemed broken, like that of an over-worked bell-wire; and when Miss Chancellor explained that she had brought Mr. Ransom because he was so anxious to meet Mrs. Farrinder, she gave the young man a delicate, dirty, democratic little hand, looking at him kindly, as she could not help doing, but without the smallest discrimination as against others who might not have the good fortune (which involved, possibly, an injustice) to be present on such an interesting occasion…. No one had any idea how she lived; whenever money was given her she gave it away to a negro or a refugee. No woman could be less invidious, but on the whole she preferred these two classes of the human race. Since the Civil War much of her occupation was gone; for before that her best hours had been spent in fancying that she was helping some Southern slave to escape. It would have been a nice question whether, in her heart of hearts, for the sake of this excitement, she did not sometimes wish the blacks back in bondage. (more…)

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Playing House

bigstockphoto_isabella_with_doll_1360791[1]

Children forge their dreams in play. All children, except those who have been deadened in some way, have powerful imaginations. What’s so interesting is that they often dream of things, such as war, mundane domestic tasks or rudimentary construction, that adults come to view with disdain or boredom.

Despite feminist orthodoxy, girls still continue to play with dolls and dollhouses and miniature kitchens. I’m not sure whether these things are viewed with the same contempt as during the heyday of feminist self-discovery in the 1970s, but it seems they continue to be a source of embarrassment for some mothers.  This hyper-domesticity in their young daughters represents vestigial fantasies, evolutionary relics of a former era.  At best, they are infantile forms of escape, not the stuff of essential preparation.

But, playing house is the enactment of dreams and rarely does one hear, amid all this stifling orthodoxy, of how thrilling these dreams are or how infused with adventure. A play house, with its miniature stove and tiny tea cups, is a field of action comparable to war zones populated by action figures, dinosaurs or plastic solders and horses.

A doll’s face suggests high peril. The whole is immoveable and frozen in place. The smile is sweet, but slightly pained. A doll is not only fragile and vulnerable, she is locked-in, a prisoner of plastic who begs to be brought to life and then sustained. A young girl stands at one side of a locked door. On the other side are those who wish to get in. The doll is the beautiful and lifeless surrogate for those who wish to enter.

Of course, a doll’s needs are never-ending. She must sleep, eat, bathe and dress. She also needs a little entertainment. Over time, many girls neglect the hair of dolls and it becomes so wildly disheveled it suggests mental derangement. This is not necessarily a sign of insufficient love so much as that there is just too much to do. If one only tended to dolls’ physical needs, their souls would languish.

Dolls do best when they have houses. A play house, whether life-sized or miniature, may be the scene of a young girl’s most intense and busy play. When I was six, I was invited to play at the home of an only child. Back then, there were hardly any only children and they were generally considered to be spoiled. My experience was that they all were spoiled. This girl owned an entire large room converted into a play house. The house actually had a façade with a door, as well as a real kitchen, eating area and bedroom. If she had owned a castle with water in a moat or a real limousine, I would have been no more overwhelmed or speechless. It over-stimulated the imagination, but I dreamed about it for years.

Hours pass by in a blur with several dolls perched in chairs around a metal table, small cakes in the oven and a husband about to walk through the door. Those little cardboard boxes and paper cans labeled with real brands are cherished possessions, as are plastic chickens and sausages. There is so much to manage. I realize little girls like to do other things than play house and some aren’t domestic at all. I liked playing war in the dark with twenty other kids and taking prisoners who had to stand behind trees until they were freed. But that was just a kid’s game. Playing house was always part of the mystery and beauty of real life. 

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A March Against Children

        The demonstration by homosexual activists and their supporters this weekend in Washington was one more visible and angry protest against the interests and rights of children.   The protesters are seeking legalization of  same-sex marriage throughout America. They romanticize their cause. We are at war agaimst hatred of homosexuals, they claim. Widespread hatred of homosexuals does not exist in America. They are at war with children. They are at war with the future.        

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Frost on Love

  Robert Frost was once asked to explain the meaning of one of his poems.  He responded, "If I could have said it any better I would have." Frost had a very anti-modern notion of love.  He couldn't have explained it better than this.  Hyla Brook By June our brook's run out of song and speed. Sought for much after that, it will be found Either to have gone groping underground (And taken with it all the Hyla breed That shouted in the mist a month ago, Like ghost of sleigh-bells in a ghost of snow)-- Or flourished and come up in jewel-weed, Weak foliage that is blown upon and bent Even against the way its waters went. Its bed is left a faded paper sheet Of dead leaves stuck together by the heat-- A brook to none but who remember long. This as it will be seen is other far Than with brooks taken otherwhere in song. We love the things we love for what they are.

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The Diet Merry-Go-Round

 

Mark writes in response to the previous entry:

Very interesting subject, and I’m delighted you’re devoting the space to it. [Laura: I’m not devoting space to it. Haven’t you read? I’ve officially resigned.] Finding a diet that works – or rather, just learning how to eat healthily – can involve a lot of trial and error. In the just-under three years we’ve been married, my wife has tried numerous diets, for the twin purposes of gaining energy and losing weight. I’ve joined her on a few of these, and am sure I could get a book out of our misadventures.   

Naturally, she tried Weight Watchers, which, while an effective enough weight-loss program for motivated people, actually does nothing to promote healthy eating – simply because the quality of food is not the issue. You can get all your daily “points” by eating chocolate cake if you want (though in fairness I doubt that happens … much).

Then a doctor (of sorts) got her onto the so-called Paleo Diet, which is based on the idea of eating like an Amerindian hunter-gatherer. Meat, fish, eggs, green vegetables, nuts and berries = good. Most fruit and even relatively-sweet vegetables like carrots = bad. One is encouraged to follow meals with fish oil (for at least one reason I can think of). And, of course, the food has to be “clean” – meaning organic, free range, and in the case of fish, wild. My grocery bills were insane, and my wife was sick eating meat for breakfast every morning, so it didn’t last beyond the initial three-weeks.[Did she try bacon? Our forebears ate tons of it.] Did it work? Yes, there was some weight loss, but let’s just say, if you’re not a hunter-gatherer, it’s no way to live.

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Carbs Kill

 

Richard writes:

Your writing is usually refreshingly free of modernist claptrap. But that’s not the case with your “Obesity in America” article, and certainly isn’t so with much of the Oprahized conventional wisdom from your correspondents on that article. The current obesity epidemic is the result of four decades of bad public policies and cultural cues based on some truly awful science and preconceived notions. The science is finally catching up, but it may take generations for public perception do so.
 
Most of the increase in obesity seen in the last few decades is a result of a condition called metabolic syndrome, which results from a steady decrease in sensitivity to insulin. Many people have chronically high insulin levels due to a diet high in certain carbohydrates. Insulin enables fat cells to rapidly convert glucose into energy stores. Over time they develop insulin resistance, and eventually related problems like Type-2 Diabetes Mellitus.
 
To put it simply, people are not fat because they eat a lot. They eat a lot because they are fat. Their chronically high insulin levels mean their fat cells are using up their supplies of glucose, and telling their brains that they are starving even when they have just eaten. It is a form of malnutrition. Their fat cells are quite literally robbing the rest of their bodies of nutrition. They aren’t being gluttons – they are being poisoned.

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Fat and Defiant

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Some readers of my article Obesity in America gently accused me of insensitivity toward the overweight. I am not complaining about these comments and I recognize there are people who suffer from metabolic conditions and cannot hope to be thin unless they set about starving themselves.  But, I do think these commenters have missed the phenomenon I am describing. There is a defiant, in-your-face, take-it-or-leave-it fatness in America that is relatively new.

Rather than the fit showing insensitivy toward the fat, it actually works the other way. Fat people are demonstrating  insensitivity toward the fit.

Many obese people, despite publicized warnings, continue to publicly consume vast quantities of edible junk. [See Katherine S.’s description below of diners at the Golden Corral restaurant in South Carolina.] The problem is, orgies shouldn’t be public. Those who are committing slow suicide by way of gluttony should at least be discreet. After all, their eating habits are going to cost us all. We will see astronomically increased expenditures for the conditions that result from obesity, particulaly diabetes and heart disorders. If someone is going to flagrantly court disease and an early death, I say he should do it in the privacy of his own home.

Secondly, the obese show little sensitivity to the almost universal human aversion to naked, unclothed fat. They dress in midriffs and unbuttoned shirts, tight shorts and clingy nylon skirts, halter tops and low-cut jeans even when they weigh 350 or 400 pounds. Arguably, many of these people cannot afford nice clothes and obviously it is difficult to find clothes when you are large. I can understand that.  But,  Good Will and Salvation Army outlets are filled with dirt-cheap clothes and the fabric stores are filled with reams of cheap fabrics. There are alternatives.  The unemployed and underemployed often have time on their hands and could sew. Besides, if people can’t afford decent clothes, how is it so many can afford cable TV, electronic games and movies?

By the way, Jamie Oliver, the famous TV chef, is also convinced many people are fat today because they are disconnected from food and don’t cook. He doesn’t make the point, as I have, that this represents a misguided search for ease and a spiritual malaise, but Oliver essentially agrees that it’s not just what you eat, but how you eat. Oliver has set about teaching the overweight to cook.

Here is an article that appeared in the New York Times this week about Oliver’s campaign in the Huntington-Ashland metropolitan area of West Virginia, where nearly half of the adults are obese. Oliver conducted a similar project in Rotherham, England,  teaching the locals how to make simple meals. “They thought that cooking a meal and feeding it to your family was for posh people,” he said. Some participants didn’t own kitchen tables and ate take-out food on their floors.

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