Letter from a “Clueless Woman”
H.F. writes:
I’m responding to the posts “Clueless Women” and “The Woman as Helpmate.”
To an outsider I look like another clueless woman. My life revolves around studying to become a doctor, often at the expense of spiritual life, time with family, and friendships. Yet I deeply desire to be a mother and helpmate. I’m 22.
Why, then, do I waste my youth poring over textbooks rather than trying to start a family?
I was raised without religion but joined the Church as an adult, to my parents’ disappointment and embarrassment. During my childhood both my parents worked full-time, so I saw little of them. They’ve spent many thousands of dollars on my education. Earning a professional degree is expected of me.
In college I told my parents about my longing to be a housewife. They laughed and said that no man would want a freeloader. They can’t fathom forgoing an income. I tell them that I’ll marry only a Catholic man, or a man willing to convert. They laugh and say that I’m being unreasonable and inflexible, that I can’t expect a man to convert just for marriage. They view marriage as an optimal financial plan rather than as a sacrament. Although they promise to help me find a husband, I have little confidence in their ability to judge virtue, so I can’t rely on my parents for help. While I’ve tried earnestly to meet a virtuous young man, a good man is hard to find. The best men I know are becoming priests.
But the above doesn’t explain why I’ve chosen such a long, grueling educational path. I should be clear: the decision was mine, not my parents’. Prayer illuminated to me that being a doctor is my life’s calling. Based on my personal strengths and interests, medicine is the best way for me to obey Christ’s commands. In fact, I feel that God has called me to be a physician more strongly than He has called me to be a wife and mother.
I understand that medicine isn’t like any other profession. At minimum, it requires substantial time and attention. Being a good doctor and being a good mother are probably mutually exclusive. If I have children, I want to do things right. For instance, I would homeschool my children. Telemedicine is growing in demand, so as a doctor I could work from home while teaching my children, but the quality of the patient care would likely be diminished. (more…)




